Pain (A KNY SaneGiyuu Fanfiction)

Chapter 1-Survivor's Guilt

❗TW❗Mean Shinobu, Bullying/teasing, Self Harm, Blood, use of Razors, Mention of death,

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Giyuu walked alone back to his estate after the hashira meeting. As he was walking he wondered why he was even invited to these meetings, it's not like he was a Pillar. Everyone calls him the Water Hashira but that was not true. He knew he wasn't the strongest, he knew that if he was, 'they' would still be here. 'They' died protecting him, if he was just stronger, 'they'd' still be here, and 'he' would be the Water Pillar.

Giyuu walked in thought, he didn't even notice the smaller Insect Pillar calling his name. As she got to him, that's when he noticed her, and dreaded the following interaction. "My, my Tomioka! Did you not hear me calling you, are you deaf?" The 4 '11, Insect Pillar, Shinobu asked. Giyuu did not answer and only continued walking, not even acknowledging her. "Tomioka, ignoring people is not nice" She paused, giving him a chance to speak, then getting annoyed and looking forward. "This is why no one likes you, and you have no friends."

Giyuu felt a stab in his heart, he had heard these words from her many times before, nevertheless, it hurt each time. His pace increased ever so slightly, that then turned into a light jog. Shinobu didn't have the energy, nor the time to chase after him, so she let him be and headed back to her estate to finish up her work.

Soon after he arrived at the Water Pillar's estate. He stood outside looking at it. "I'm not a Pillar, why am I assigned here?" He asked aloud to himself. He ultimately decided to go in, and headed straight upstairs. The Pillar stared at his bed, contemplating whether or not to just sleep. Instead he headed into the bathroom, where he then took out a sharp razor. He slowly put it to his wrist, not entirely sure if he wanted to do this.

"No one likes you~"

"They'd still be here if it wasn't for you~"

"You deserve this~"

The raven haired boy closed his eyes as he started hearing voices in his head. The razor got closer and closer with each voice. It was like they were pushing down on it. Moments later warm blood trickled down Tomioka's arm. He didn't open his eyes, it was no shock. He'd done this before. The razor removed itself from his wrist, to move farther up and do it again.

After 3-5 cuts the voices finally left, and he opened his eyes. He looked at his red stained hands and wrists. Upon seeing what he had done, he winced and quietly cursed at himself, then rinsed off the razor and bandaged his wrist. When he was done he slowly made his way over to the window and opened it so his crow could enter if needed. Then laid down on his bed.

He hoped he could sleep, but instead he stared up at the ceiling. No matter how long he laid there, he just couldn't sleep. Every time he'd close his eyes, Sabito or Tsutako would appear. Memories of them together would play, and he'd be happy for just a moment, then it'd show their death and Giyuu'd shoot his eyes open, not wanting to rewatch that.

Eventually he sat up, bringing his knees to his chest, he stared out the window. By that time the sun had set and it was dark. The stars twinkled in the large dark blue sky. The wide full moon hanging high above and burning brighter than any other thing in the sky. For some reason Giyuu found the sky to be quite memorizing. This time when he closed his eyes, he didn't see anything, his mind finally clear and allowing him to sleep.

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osted, January 26th 2024

Hello! It's me, Mystery the author. I'm sorry for such a short, depressing 1st chapter, but I wasn't quite sure how to start it. I find the first chapter to be the hardest to write. I hope you stick around to finish the story, but do have patience. I get writer's block quite frequently and it's a struggle. Also, it's my first fan fiction, so please bare with me. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them, and or constructive criticism. Thanks for reading, I'll see you soon. :D

Words (including this): 739