It's Complicated - Jeremy McKinnon

Chapter Eleven

Gone.

Jeremy

We had all woken up the next day to Lauren's empty bunk and no bag. She had just left, no note, no telling anyone. Just the cold impression left in a bed once warmed by her presence.

But I do know that I have learned from this: that is love means nothing to someone who isn't ready to accept it, and I can't give anymore of myself without paying the price. Sadly the cost is too high for me to sacrifice anymore of myself for anyone ever again.

"I'm sorry," Kelty told me. "It isn't like her to do that when she really cares about someone, and I know she loves you." Despite the pity on her face, a shadow behind her eyes told me that she knew more than she let on. She just wasn't willing to give anything up for her best friend. She had but words to say. No proven actions. I said nothing in return to her. I don't think she understood the pain. I had physical pain, an ache in my soul that couldn't let her go. She made me happy. The way she smiled lit me up inside with a fire that's been left to burn out on its own.

She was a broken vase, and I was gluing her back together but little did I know that the cracks were still there, and she still felt them. I spent so much time trying to fix her life, that I forgot about mine.

I don't understand what I did wrong. But apparently I'm so easy to leave, and it happens every time I get close to someone like this. Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy. I'm really just tired of being heart broken and tired of being tired. I want to rip this worthless heart out of my chest so that I don't have to feel because honestly it isn't worth it anymore.

"We have to look for her," Neil said.

I shook my head. "No." I clenched my jaw. I really wasn't in the mood for life. I felt like crawling under the bus. And I'm tired of the sympathetic looks. It's only pissing me off. No I'm not fine, but I don't care. "We need to just get ready for our show tonight, okay? How about we not stress about this and forget the whole thing happened."

The guys didn't mention Laur- her the rest of the day. We started our show, and I think my screams were even better than usual. Maybe that's because I really am angry this time so I feel every note in my soul.

A day turned into a week, and there was no word from her. I didn't care, but it still...struck my curiousity. Where had she gone? Did she buy a plane ticket and fly back to Ocala? It didn't matter to me. But she could have at least said something or called me to tell me she was okay.

"Jeremy seems so different since Lauren left," Kelty whispered to Neil as they cuddled under the sheets of his bunk. He nodded in agreement.

"I know. He's been a bit of a mess since..."

"I feel bad. She seemed fine just the day before? I don't know what made her rush out the door so suddenly..." Her words said one thing, but the look on her face said entirely different. I just couldn't figure out what it was.

I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. It hurt so bad. I didn't know what to do with myself. She gave me meaning. She was my everything. She was my sunrise and sunset all in one moment, and I wish she would've stayed the whole time so I could swallow up the colors. But I'm fine with loneliness. I don't need a woman to make me happy. I have my band and my music and my fans to keep a smile on my face. She can have fun being alone because she only pushes people away and one day when she realizes that that will only make her unhappy, it'll be too late.

I can live with solitary, and she can live with her misery.

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So, thoughts? I got really excited for writing this so this is a fast update!!! Anyways, hope y'all like where this thing is going. Love y'all a lot.
Love, Erika❤