breathe

chapter 8 | charlotte

chapter eight

charlotte

I wasn't sure going back to school was the right decision, even if Siena insisted the routine could help. It had only been six weeks since Dad died. The thought of moving forward without him made my chest feel tight.

Yet I also knew isolating myself wasn't healthy. Dad would want me to keep living my life. And though the commute by bike was long, I'd rather avoid having a panic attack from being in the car every morning before school.

That night, as Ben was out getting my new prescription, I searched online forums for others who struggled with loss like me. Reading about the side effects worried me – the last thing I needed was to break down in class.

When Ben returned with the paper bag in hand, my stomach was in knots. All my worries and doubts surfaced as I stared at the label, wondering if swallowing that first pill was really the right choice.

"What're you thinking about?" he asked, resting his hand on my bare thigh in comfort.

I took a breath. "I'm scared the meds might make me feel the way I did that day. Like I can't breathe or think straight."

Ben's blue eyes were filled with care. "Siena wants you to start slowly, so we can adjust as needed. Your health and happiness are what matter most."

His reassurance soothed but didn't erase my fear. I leaned into him, taking his other hand in mine. "What if nothing works?"

Ben wrapped both arms around me. "Then we'll face that together too. You don't have to go through this alone."

"I don't know what I'd do without you," I murmured against his chest to listen to his heartbeat.

"You never have to find out," he assured me.

We sat in a comfortable silence, finding solace in each other's company. I broke it when I told him of my plans to go bike to school the next day.

"I'm proud of you, Charlotte," he said. "That's a really big step. And I can bike with you, if you want."

I smiled and looked at him. "Really?" I asked. "You would do that?"

"Of course, love," he smiled softly. "I would do anything for you."

Recalling how he pulled from our last kiss, I leaned in tentatively. But where before he withdrew, now Ben met my lips gently. As we connected, I breathed in the rosemary mint scent that was so uniquely him. It grounded me.

Slowly, Ben deepened our kiss. But when his hands brushed my cheeks, I felt not urge but reassurance in his gentle touch. Our gazes met, and what I saw reflected was not passion alone, but care – a question if I was okay. I answered with a smile before kissing him again.

As we laid back on the bed together, Ben's kiss traveled to my neck with delicate care. I buried my hands in his hair, completely overwhelmed by the feeling of his lips on my skin.

"Oh God, Ben," I breathed. It had been far too long since we were close in this way. Eagerly I removed his hoodie, gracing my hands along his toned back.

His loving smile greeted my impatience as he lifted my shirt. "So perfect," he murmured before kissing me again. Lost to his touch, I clung to him – the man who made me feel truly seen.

When his mouth traveled lower, I whispered, "I want you," and he paused to cup my cheek. But before he could say anything, Mom's call interrupted. We shared a soft laugh at the interruption, stealing a sweet kiss of parting.