Delusion

Chapter One

Wednesday July 23

delusion [dih-loo-zhuh-n]

noun

1. An act or instance of deluding

2. The state of being deluded

3. A false belief or opinion

4. A fixed false belief that is resistant to reason or confrontation with actual fact

-

I ripped out today in my Word of the Day Calendar that my gran gave me for my 16th birthday. Gran was always the extremely organized OCD type, and all gifts from her on any occasion was items you would find in a back to school supply list. Most of it ended up sitting on my shelf collecting dust, or in the deep end of my closet never to be found again, but I actually decided to use the word calendar. This was mostly due to the fact that I was going to go into my junior year in high school with the SATs coming up, and I had to learn my words someway. Delusion- one word, eight letters, and 3 syllables.

"Delusion." I whispered. I already knew the definition of the word but for some reason I loved how the sound rolled over my tongue.

"Delusion." I muttered again and stuffed the sheet with the word on it into the pocket of my black dress. Yes, black dress to go with my black flats, and my black leggings. You would think that I am going to a funeral or something, which in this case, I am.

I always had a simple life during my sixteen years, with the ideal family and lifestyle. My parents weren't divorced, I had an older brother, and I got acceptable grades. In the past week, the one thing that mattered the most to me out of all those changed. My parents were still together, almost going into their 25th anniversary, and I still had my over 4.0 GPA grades, but I no longer was an younger sister. Just last Friday, my seventeen year old brother got in a car crash down by Arlington Avenue. Scott was driving late at night, after staying over at his friends house, and he didn't pause at the stop sign. Apparently, he died on contact with the crimson colored chevrolet while the other driver was left with a broken arm. My parents and I found out around 1 am the next morning when Mrs. Jamison dialed us up. Even before we arrived at the hospital, I had a feeling in my gut that Scott wasn't going to take a breath again. Over the last five days that I had officially been sibling-less, I never had a tear drop from my eyes, but I guess that was because I don't feel like Scott is dead. Everything is still numb.

"Rori! We are leaving now, are you dressed?" Mom's voice called from down the stairs. Instead of answering, I just grabbed my phone and walked downstairs. My parents were already in their car dressed in similar colors as me. Everything felt so zombie-like, I hardly cried, but it wouldn't take Albert Einstein to see the definite change in our personalities. My mom used to be the neighborhood party organizer; always the one to plan a BBQ for the community. Now you could only find her silently staring blankly out a window. My dad was always the quiet man; speaking only a few wise words when needed. Now, you couldn't hear his voice at all, and he hardly ate his meals. I would like to say how I am mostly the same, with my persona adding only a few flakes of mourning into it, but I knew I would be as a stranger to my friends.

The weather wasn't as it should have been in a cliché funeral, with the sky pouring rain, or even with the atmosphere being dark and cloudy. In fact, it was like the weather for a summer beach party- the sky was clear and cerulean and the sun shining brightly. Our van parked into the local cemetery where my grandparents were buried. It seemed as the whole town was there; all my friends combined with my brother's classmates, and our actual family attended. I could see Scott's closed casket placed by the burial area and for the first time everything felt real. Scott was dead. I would never have an older brother again. All of the facts I was trying to ignore came back at me and I came to realization that a tear was making a wet path down my left cheek. I wiped it away quickly and followed everyone else up to the casket.

~~~

The funeral was a blur of black and tears for me. I watched as Scott got covered with dirt in a place that his body will forever remain. I heard everyone say 'sorry for your loss' to me, which frankly just went in one ear and out the other.

"Rori, are you coming?" My mom asked after we were the only people left at the graveyard. I knew at home I would be left with zombie like parents and my foul mood. It seemed as if when Scott's life left, it took all of ours as well.

"Actually mom, I was thinking of staying here for a while." I say. "I can walk home later." The cemetery was close enough to our neighborhood, that I could easily stroll back. My mom seemed reluctant, but my dad shot me a sympathetic look.

"That is fine, but don't stay too long. And call if there are any problems." He said gesturing to my phone. I just weakly smile back and watch as they climb into the family van and leave. After there isn't a person in sight, I sit in front on Scott's grave and stare at the marble headstone for a moment. I couldn't care less about dirt smearing into my dress, because I wasn't fond of the dark piece of cloth anyway. It carried sorrowful memories, and the last time I wore it was an year ago when Scott was beside me.

It was a cool day in October and we were standing in the same cemetery but there was slight differences. The ground was colored with crisp leaves, and the air carried a frosty aroma with it. Everyone was still dressed in dark clothing and their faces were set in a somber expression. We were at my maternal grandfather's burial after he had passed away from natural causes. I was quite close to him, and even though I knew he died peacefully, my heart felt extremely heavy. Scott noticed and poked my side and smiled. I just rolled my eyes and ignored it, but I felt a slight tug to my lips. Poke. I ignored it again and stared ahead as the coffin was being lowered into the hole. Poke. I sign without any venom and poke him back. By now I was full out smiling as Scott let out a surprised yelp. When he tried to poke me again, I easily dodged it and maturely stuck my tongue out at him. That went on for a while until the funeral was finally over. I could always count on Scott to be the awesome older sibling and cheer me up when I felt upset.

I smile to myself at the bittersweet memory and stare across of the words imprinted on the headstone. Scott Thompson - Loving son and brother. You will always be among us. I reread the cursive writing over and over again until I hear a voice say,

"Well, if you are planning to kiss it, do go on." I flinch, waving my arms around on instinct, and try to turn around so quickly, that I fall back nearly hitting my head on Scott's marble tombstone.

"Wha eh." I smartly say catching sight of boy standing beside me with chestnut colored hair and upturned corner in his lips, as if he was trying not to laugh.

"You were staring intensely at the headstone, so if you were wanting to kiss it you can go on. Don't mind me." He shrugs. I just stare at him gaping; I must have been so into reading that I didn't notice him sneaking up on me.

"Don't you know it is rude to sneak up on people?" I huff, knowing I was acting snobby, but I was too abashed about the kissing comment to care. "And do I even know you?" My words seemed to have no effect on him, because he just continued with his irritating smirk and shrugged again.

"I'm Carter Stone, and I am dead."