Can someone tell the world that I was here?

her tears

They had been in purgatory for so long, going through a new hell every day, but she had never shed a single tear before, Cellbit was sure of this.

Not even when cruel people tried to distract them by lying about their children still being alive. All those days when there were more people in purgatory than the two of them still seemed confusing in Cellbit's mind, but the voice of someone saying that his son was alive was clear in his memory. That phrase tormented him every day since he had listened to it.

Baghera's cry was silent. The only proof of it he had was her wet cheeks and slightly red eyes, as not a single sound escaped her lips. He could only hear the sound of her heavy breathing, as she remained sitting on the floor, with her legs bent close to the chest, looking at the red sky, which remained without the sign of any stars. As Cellbit watched her, he couldn't help but wonder. After so long, why cry just now?

Today hadn't been the worst of days, even if it hadn't been particularly happy. But happiness was no longer something either of them sought. The plantation was finally bearing fruit, which for now would prevent them from dying of hunger, they hadn't seen an animal for a while and their resources were increasingly scarce.

After contemplating, Cellbit decided to approach her, sitting next to her, but instead of asking what he really wanted, he opted for a different approach.

"Do you miss the island?"

"I miss Pomme." She answered.

It made sense. Maybe the longing had finally broken her. The possibility of never seeing her daughter again might have become too much to bear. Cellbit knew exactly what that feeling was like, but his tears had dried up a long time ago and he could only feel an emptiness inside his chest, which seemed to swallow him more as the day went by. He tried not to think about the possibility of his son really being alive, he didn't think he could bear to create hope, he didn't even know if he would ever be able to leave this island, so he tried to forced himself not to think about Richarlyson.

In the same way he tried not to think about Roier, what was useless. He thought he would be happy knowing that Roier would be safe on the island, but he also thought that he would die that day, he didn't think he would have to live with the consequence of continuing breathing without Roier. He didn't want to have to remember his brown eyes anymore, without being able to look at them.

"What is the term you speak in Portuguese?" asked Baghera, taking him out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" He asked confused.

"When you miss someone." She explained.

"Oh, it's saudade."

"I really like that word. Saudade."

"I like it too, but I confess that I prefer eu sinto a sua falta. Which technically means I miss you." He explained.

"Really? But it's such a common term, saudade is something more unique, right?"

"Yes, but for me, eu sinto sua falta translates more to what I feel about my family." He said and Baghera didn't need to ask who exactly he was referring to. "Translating eu sinto sua falta in a literal way, its English translation is actually I feel the lack of you."

"Oh."

"And that's what I feel every day. With every breath I take, with every beat of my heart, I feel their absence burning into my skin." He said it like it was a confession.

"I know how you feel." Baghera said, as she laid her head on his shoulder, and Cellbit didn't doubt her for a second.

After a moment of silence, Cellbit finally said the words he had been holding in his throat.

"You were crying before... why?"

And she just looked at him for a few seconds, looking away before answering.

"You promise you won't judge me?" Her words were nothing more than a whisper, which he could only hear due to the proximity.

At first, Cellbit felt like snorting, he wanted to make fun of her question, he wanted to roll his eyes and say "after everything we've been through together? After everything you've seen me do? How do you think I could judge you? That I have that right?" But he didn't. There was something so vulnerable in her voice that made him respond in a different way.

"Nothing you confess could make me judge you. I swear." He said, trying to convey all his sincerity in his voice. And after another second of silence, Baghera gathered the courage to respond.

"I was crying because I realized that I don't want to die. Today I realized that I want to live, Cellbit." As soon as she began to speak, her eyes burned again with unshed tears. "I want to live." She repeated it again. "I want to live, I want to live. A mother should want to die for her daughter... Do you think I'm selfish for thinking I deserve to live?" And her distressed look made it clear to Cellbit that she feared his answer.

"Of course not." He assured her. "You deserve to live, Baghs. Of course you deserve to live."

"I know we chose to stay, I know that, but why do I feel like we've been abandoned by the world?" She said as the tears flowed freely down her face again. "Everything was stolen from me. I didn't have a childhood, I don't even know if I had parents, if I'm anything more than an experiment. My memories were stolen from me, even my daughter was taken from me. And I still want to live, do you think I'm crazy for that?"

"Maybe." He answered sincerely, making her smile through her tears. "But I also lost my sanity a long time ago, Baghs." He said as he put an arm around her shoulder, trying to comfort her in some way.

"I feel like I was never mine. I want to be my own person, I want to find my place in this world and I feel like if I die on this island, the world won't have proof that I lived, that I was here, that I was real. Before I die, I need to feel that I was real, that I was more than an experiment... please."

Not knowing how to comfort her, Cellbit just held her tighter in his arms, while she cried like she hadn't cried in years. But amidst her tears and sobs, Baghera didn't know that Cellbit, in his mind, was swearing to heaven and hell that he would take her out of that purgatory, even if he needed to make the sea dry, he would take her out of there.

Cellbit himself didn't know if he wanted to continue living, since he ensured that Roier left safely back to the island, he already felt that he was no longer living, but he would ignore his own feelings at the moment, because for the first time since that day, he had something he wanted, he had a goal and for now that was enough.

"I'm going to get you out of here, Baghera, I swear you won't die here." And there was so much certainty in his voice that Baghera couldn't help but believe him.