Ready to change by heart
Randy pov
All my life I've been defined
By hiding the scars on my soul,
But given time,
I'd be fine, if I learn to let go.
And I'm sorry but I'm closer to fixing those mistakes I've made.
All my life I've been defined
By hiding the scars on my soul,
But given time,
I'd be fine, if I learn to let go.
And I'm sorry but I'm closer to fixing those mistakes I've made.
Randal Orton, Randy Orton, The Viper, The Apex Predator, The legend Killer, RKO, The man with the voices in his head, The best, The Future Hall of Framer. All those names are what I have been called throughout my career. All my life everyone has known me as some cocky, stuck up prude, with a stick so far up my ass. People know me as dark, dangerous and ruthless. People think that I act like this to cover up and hide the scars on my soul and maybe, they are right. They aren't right when the say I can't be fixed, Brie wasn't right when she said I can't be fixed, I can and I'm trying. I want to be loving, caring, free sprite. I want to be the shining soul Brianna used to see me as. All I really need is time and I should be fine...right? Hopefully. The last time I saw her was when our divorced was final. After that I never saw or heard a word from her. I just want to tell her I'm sorry, I just want her to know I'm fixing myself........for her. In time I could let go but I don't want to let her go.
Take me into your arms
Breathe me into your heart
As I'm swimming my way through your veins.
"Ahh I missed you!" I heard Alicia Fox screamed as she ran in the direction where everyone seems to be heading? Huh? What the hell is going on? Who the hell did they all miss? Kelly? Trish? Who? I followed the crowd and saw them all swarmed around a certain person whom I can't see. "I'm so happy you are back!" Kofi told and in that moment I figured out who it was. Not because of what Kofi said but because of the laugh I know from miles away, Brie.
"Brianna?" I spoke not really meaning to but I did. The swam of people parted from around her as she looked up at me. I stared back into those beautiful brown eyes, that use to calm me down, when I was mad. She looked lost for words. People stared at us knowing our history. She didn't smile at me or anything, she just looked at me. I wanted her to run into my arms, kissed me like she use to when our schedules were different so we had to take different planes and then when she saw me she runs and jumped into my arms giving me a long kiss, but not this time. I want her to hold me, love me with each and every fibre in her like she used too. But that didn't happen she continued to look at me lost.
"Hi." I tried to get her to speak to me.
"Hey." She replied sounding just as lost as she looked earlier on.
"We are going to give you some personal space." Nattie told as she led everyone out of the room. I watch at the door when I heard it closed and turned to see everyone was gone. I turned back at Brie and heard her sigh.
Can't erase what I've done
Nor the man I've become
But I swear I'm ready to change
Am ready to change
"Brie hear me out please." I pleaded as I took a step closer to her as she fold her arms and looked up at me. "Go ahead." She told and I wanted to cry at the cold tone she used against me. Why did I fuck up with the most beautiful and kind hearted woman I know? "I'm sorry, please take me back." I put it out there. She gave me a dry and humorless laugh. "You are really selfish you know. I'm happy with the guy I'm with. He is faithful to me and doesn't make me cry." She told me fixing a strand of hair behind her ear. Her words cut me up like, knives and I know I deserved it. "Yes, I know I cheated on you and done you wrong and I'm sorry but as much as I want to erase all that I've done to hurt you I can't." I told her hoping she would cave in but she just exhaled and looked down. "Look I can't erase the things I've done or the man I have become but I'm trying my best to become better, to change. Brianna I'm really sorry, please believe m-me." My voiced cracked as tears began to flow from my eyes. She looked at me with a pained look as I made no attempt to remove my tears, she needs to see me broken, she needs to see I really am sorry, she needs to know I'm really trying to change. "Don't do this please." She bit her lip to hold back the tears, classic Brianna.
All my life, I've been confined by hiding the secrets I hold.
I never tried to set it right,
So maybe it's best that I'm alone.
"I know you don't want hear this but please." I pleaded with her. She looked up at me with wide and confused eyes but nod. "All my life I have hide all my secrets, I have hide everything away from the world and the people I love. I didn't even think it would be a good idea to let them know but I was wrong. I want to be set free. Can you help set me free me?" I spoke truthfully as I stepped closer to her and she just stared at me with a blank look before gulping and nodding. "I will." She softly spoken as her voice and words fluttered my heart. I took a deep breathe in as I got ready to tell her all the things I've done. "You want to sit?" She asked before I could even confess. She must have been on her feet a lot, I thought. "Sure." I told her as we made our way to the two chairs in the corner of the room. We sat facing each other and I could never get tried of her beauty. "Right." She told as a way to get us back on track, sending me a small and encouraging smile. "Right. Well first of all you don't have to feel bad or sorry for me. I just want to set things straight." She nodded, agreeing with me. "Okay, I will confess because you and I both know I cheated on you a lot. But what you don't know is that all those times I cheated on you I starved myself for days. I cried when you weren't looking. When I slapped you I cried every time you closed your eyes to sleep. I starved myself for weeks, I deserved the pain. I wanted to kill myself, I didn't mean to hurt you but I did a lot. I'm weak Brie, I'm so weak. I never told you these stuff because I knew you were hurting and I didn't want to put anymore pressure on you. Those nights when I told you I was out with the guys and you thought I was cheating, I wasn't. I was contemplating whether or not to jump off the bridge but I never did because I knew even though you had nothing to feel guilty about you would have. I-I-I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm sorry Brianna. When we got divorced I almost drank myself to death, that was the plan but I was saved, I don't want to live in this world where I hurt the person who loved me the most hate me and gave up on me. It hurts like hell to know you had given up on me but I knew you were right. It really was now or never." I finished as I held my face as the tears rush from my eyes, I can't be strong enough to stop them. "I'm such a selfish bastard I want you back but it will be best if I'm alone. I deserve to die alone." I added as I sniffled. "Orton." She called me in the most delicate voice she ever used with me. I look up from my tear stained hands at her. She was in tears to and I feel bad that I made her cry but I had to get it all out there. "All those times I wanted you to feel the pain. I wanted you to feel like shit, I wanted you to cry. But now the I hear you did I don't want that for you. I don't want you to die alone. I want you to be happy."
I'm sorry but I'm closer to fixing those mistakesI've made.
Take me into your arms
Breathe me into your heart
As I'm swimming my way through your veins.
I smiled at her. "You always had the sweetest heart. You always saw the good. You were always my light. I'm sorry for all I have done but I'm trying to fix the mistakes I've made. Trust me I am." I admitted as I felt myself breaking down some more. She got up and pulled me to my feet as she shocked me by hugging me. I smiled as I hugged her back, I missed her touch, I missed hugging her, I missed her, I miss us. Please try to place me back into you heart even it is the hardest the you have to do, just don't let me go. I hope I'm swimming my way through her veins and into her heart right now.
I don't want to live without you
I don't want to live without you
She pulled away and kissed my cheek as I smiled. She send me one back but I can see it in her eyes she isn't going to take me back. It breaks my heart that she isn't but I can't blame her, I did this to myself. "I'll always love you. But I just can't be in love with you anymore. I wish you the best though." She smiled at me and hugged me again as I choked on my tears. I don't want to live with out her but I will have too. I want to beg her not to leave me and to marry me again but I don't even trust myself, how can she? "You came back to work here?" I asked her as I wipe away my tears. She gave me a teary smile as she nodded. "Yeah, for a year and then I'm gone. Chris and I plan on having children soon." She told me and I swear she killed me completely on the inside but I won't show it. "I'm happy for you then." I don't know if I'm lying or not. "Thank you." She smiled and then waved as she left. I'm still going to Change my ways.
(A/n yip I finally updated. Do you feel sorry for Orton?)
