Summer and May

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Summer

Gravel crunched beneath my sandals, echoing the same question that thundered in my mind: how are you going to tell May?  I had spent the last twenty-four hours toying with this dilemma I'd walked straight into. May deserved to know what I had done, and yet for the first time ever, I considered what it would look like if I didn't tell her. Brooks and I hadn't traded a single word since I slipped out on him, knowing he's most likely reveling in shame just as I am. What if May never knew?

I approached my destination slowly, still begging the question if this was even worth it. Regardless of the turbulence of mine and May's relationship at the moment, she deserved to know.

"Thought I might find you here," I whisper, and it almost fails to reach her ears. After a few seconds, she removed her earbuds, a residual smile on her lips.

"Summer," she said, placing her tools off to her side. She stood up straight, smoothing her greasy hands over a rag tied to her belt loop. "how are you?"

I rubbed my lips together, regretting so much more than what I'd done with Brooks. I wish I hadn't come entirely.

"I miss you." she confessed lightly. She was starting off honest, so now it was time for me to be.

"I have to tell you something." I grabbed a screw from her father's toolbox and fumbled it around in my hands. A serious look on her face, she sat on the counter next to me. "I did something, May. It was stupid, and foolish, and just so me..."

"You can tell me." she breathed evenly, seemingly unafraid of what I was going to tell her.

My mind flashed through moments from two nights ago, subconsciously punching myself in the gut. "I went into this July 4th with this mindset that for once, I could be better than my typical self. I told myself I'd focus on me, and forget all the drama this summer."

"Okay..." I could feel her growing in worry, which shifted the chemicals in my brain around. Would this ruin our friendship?

I exhaled harshly. "I got drunk, and all that went out the window. What's wrong with me, May? Why did I do this?"

"Do what?"

I blinked, two tears slipping out. "I hooked up with Brooks."

Silence.

With each second that passed, the more I feared the look on her face. She was going to hate me for this. I couldn't get myself to peer up at her, my hair providing a curtain between us.

"I don't know how it happened, May. We were drunk, and I could feel myself losing my own grip. I knew I would do something reckless if I kept going down this path, and I... I don't even remember it all. And I know that doesn't help. I know I fucked up, and--"

"Summer, would you just slow down?" her fingers caught my arm, wrapping around my wrist in a gentle grip. "Sh," she cooed. I swallowed my own pride, allowing myself to look at her.

"You must hate me." I say quietly.

She brushes my hair away from my face, wiping remaining tears from my cheeks. "I could never hate you. You're my best friend."

I could taste my own tears, but suddenly my eyes were dry. Her acceptance cured something small inside of me. "So... you're not mad?"

She shrugged a shoulder, pulling her mouth to the side. "I don't fully understand it, but that's just us, isn't it? We both do stupid things in our own right...But no, I'm not mad. I have no right to be mad."

"Why not? You guys have so much history."

Her eyes shifted away from me, her neck tensed slightly. She resolved to shaking her head, but she had something else to say. "Are you okay? I mean, was it..."