The Rampage MC #4: Max and Briony

Chapter 22 (Briony): Ugly

Copyright © 2024 by GroveltoHEA

***TW for reference to abuse***

When I pulled into my driveway, I couldn't help the smile that spread over my face as I took in the yellow and white tulips Max had planted. They all should open within the next couple of days, and I knew they'd be even more beautiful. The yellow and white buds stood out against the backdrop of my dark blue siding, brightening my house.

I'm sorry.

Friendship.

In the immediate aftermath of my hospitalization following my beating, it'd been difficult putting the brakes on what I'd wanted to have with Max, but I'd been so angry with him that I gave myself no other option; all that misplaced hope I'd put in a man I didn't understand or really know made me take a hard look at myself. I was always rushing into things before knowing someone on a deeper level. I ran with those first rush of feelings, convincing myself he's got to be the one, but I was determined to never make that mistake again, never be at the mercy of a man again because I rushed things. Skipping those necessary getting-to-know you steps led to ruin and crushing disappointment. 

In one way or another, I'd done that with every boy I'd dated, every man I got serious with. I'd looked for outward validation instead of looking inward, rushing to claim any scrap of affection that I could call love. Why was I so scared to look inside myself? I certainly couldn't find myself lacking any more than the men I dated seemed to find me. I'd put up with lukewarm feelings, constant criticism, mockery, afraid they'd leave me, each man getting worse until I reached the pinnacle of pathetic-ness with Gene. And even then, I excused the first hit, I even excused the second one, but the third one was the worst -- not one, but multiple hits -- and even I couldn't spin that to anything but what it was, so I'd called Kadie and liberated myself from the asshole.

Max had seemed like a prince compared to Gene. Even his helping Wendie had seemed nice...until I realized that she always needed help. But Max was so sweet, so kind, that I didn't protest, didn't ask questions, didn't rock the boat because he was the first man who never criticized me, never mocked me and asked me to be patient with him. He asked me to be patient with him. Normally, I always heard about how lucky I was that whatever man I was with was willing to be patient with my sorry ass.

Our breakfast conversation before the festival had been illuminating, giving me a different perspective on Max, and I'd been thinking about everything he'd told me ever since, evaluating every word, debating its truth and accuracy. He'd been up front about his need to be needed, about how Wendie's neediness fulfilled that need in him and why he was expecting me to end it with him, but I didn't know why he had that need. I was definitely curious about the reason and had a lot of questions about what he'd said, questions that I wanted him to answer sometime soon when the time felt right because I had a feeling it wouldn't be an easy conversation. But I was thinking that it might help me make sense of Max and once I understood him, maybe that would help me move forward with my life.

My doorbell chimed, alerting me to Rie's arrival, so I hurried to answer the door, determined to put all my heavy thoughts on hold for the night. I had her park in the garage so Darren might not stop if he didn't see her car.

She had a box in her hand, two plastic bags in her other hand, an overnight bag slung over her shoulder and four more grocery bags sitting on the ground at her feet.

"You moving in?" I asked her, laughing.

"We needed snacks," she explained. "And late night snacks. And breakfast appetizers."

At my quizzical look, she huffed at me. "Breakfast appetizers...you might know them as donuts. You eat those before you eat breakfast and they whet your appetite. Scientifically proven and all that. Plus I might have invited Genny and Joy to surprise you. Emily can't make it because the twins have stuffy noses and if she isn't home, Beard'll rush them to the ER if she isn't there to talk him down. The man can't handle it when they don't feel well. They're still talking about the ER incident when Elincia got her first tooth and Emily was working so she wasn't there to neutralize all that is Beard."