Days have never been so quiet when you didn't talk to me. Days have never been the same without you pestering me about random things or saying you want to see a movie and just sit on my couch or lay on the floor while your feet snuggles to my feet. I always feel that tingles or what they say butterflies in my stomach whenever you looked at me in the eye with the light coming off from the tv reflecting in those big brown orbs and you whispering in my ears is just a pure torture to me. I have been restraining myself with all these unnecessary feelings for you but the way you make me feel every day is just too much for me, so , I had to do it. I had to tell you.
Then the time came when I had the courage to tell you. I came to your room telling you I had to get my trousers and that book you borrowed from me last week, by that time, I was in great doubts and in a very anxious state but I told myself I have to tell you. its now or never. And then I did. I fucking told you. after years of hiding and bottling all that feelings.. it just came crashing in just one swift moment and I laid my heart out just waiting for you to pick it but you turned your back on me and you said " I couldn't do this".
Those 4 words, it hits me like a brick, no like a train crashing me into tiny little pieces. I was broken. I never thought it would feel like this, being rejected, not wanted, whatever you call it. I was stab straight through my heart it feels like a thousand hands has been squeezing my heart because I couldn't breathe. when I heard you saying those words I just couldn't function. I was turned into a stone. A dummy. A useleless zombie.
I storm off your house not wanting to hear any words that could damage my pure little heart. My pure heart for you. I knew I was gonna destroy something of us if I tell u what I feel but, I still took the risk and now its over between us. I would take the blame. and this is it, it was over.
DAYS, MONTHS, YEARS. I didn't hear from you. I can see you from afar but I couldn't talk to you not that you want to talk to me either. We never talked since then, it was like the dark days of my life but as the time goes on I got used to it.. I was moving on.. my feelings are now buried 6ft underground with a sealed lock on it. I was beginning to function again like a normal person. But everytime I see you from afar I would always get this pinch like hurt in my chest but I knew that I've fucked up, so I deserve it and I knew I would eventually recover from all this mess. I just need time. MORE TIME.
After sometime I heard you cryin somewhere in the corner, I wouldn't want to go near you or comfort you or talk to you because I knew I would hurt you more.. but I couldn't resist it. you're eyes red and puffy that youre like you've been crying over night and I didnt take it anymore so I had to go near you and wrap my arms around you and comfort you. I never would have thought that you would let me so we stayed like that for an hour or so. After the silence and you crying you told me the most beautiful words to me. You said you missed me and you want to start over. my heart flutters and I couldn't contain my happiness.. my feelings has been resurrected but I don't want to rely on it anymore. I dont want to destroy us anymore because of my stupid feelings. I'm gonna put us first. I'm gonna put our friendship first.
But, the thing is you lift your head and meet my eyes and I couldn't contain the hitch in my voice and the heavy breathing.. you're staring at me like I'm a golden treasure, a diamond, and I don't know how to react. You stares at me like you want to tell me something.. but I don't know it must be my mind playing tricks on me so I decided to go and saves us from ruining our friendship again but you suddenly pulled me back and the next thing I knew is you crashing your lips that tasted like strawberry with a hint of mint.. I was staring of off space by the time your lips was on mine and I couldn't thatbyjis was happening. This could be a dream, is it? but its not you're kissing me for real and you pulled away when you didn't get any reaction from me. I saw hurt flash into those brown orbs and I had to do something to make this right again. I thought to myself "shit I fucked up again" so I pulled you into me and kiss you like I've never kissed someone before. You immediately take me in and I was like flying in cloud nine. I can't believe I was finally in your arms and doing the thing that I want to do for a long time ago.
We stayed like that just exploring one another until we got swollen lips and heavy breathing. I broke the kiss and I just looked at you and questioning you with my eyes and you told me "Don't ever do that to me again, I missed you like crazy and you don't know what I've been through to just forget you. I've been trying to talk to you but it just felt like I've lost you. I cried my nights away and drink my memories of you until I get rid of u of my mind. but it wasn't working... until I realized that I've been feeling the same way as you do.. it just took me time to realize it.. so please don't do that to me again I couldn't live another year without you. I want you and I missed you and please don't leave me again.. I would break and probably will lose myself if you did that again. So Please"
The feeling that i have buried came back to me like a fresh dew. I was in love with you. I am falling deeply in love with you. By that time all the hurts I felt, the cold nights, the bitter days was washed away. and I thought I couldn't have you but at the least I expected of losing you forever you came to me and pours your heart out. It was a whirlwind, rollercoaster ride for the both of us. But we ended together just in the right time and I couldn't be more happy. I was happy and so in love with you.
THE END
