Ghosted || Bucky Barnes x Reader

Chapter 1:

Bucky touched his forehead, frustrated, trying to concentrate. Quiet whispers echoed in his mind. It was never silent for him. He either heard screaming in his head, or he heard ghosts. And now he was seeing them too. 

"Go the hell away," he gritted out, raising his eyes to a woman standing by the door, leaning against the frame. 

"You're hurting, James," she replied calmly, tilting her head lightly. 

"You don't know shit! Get out of here!" Bucky gestured toward her. From behind him came a light voice, full of worry. 

"You okay, pal?" 

The woman vanished from the doorway as Bucky blinked, slowly turning around to find Steve in the other doorway, his eyebrows furrowed in clear worry. Steve's hair was messy, as if he'd just gotten out of the shower. 

"Yeah, yeah, fine," Bucky grumbled, trying to keep a straight face. 

Again. He'd seen her again. The stupid apparitions he couldn't control. It was getting hard for him to distinguish his own delusions from reality. 

"You were talkin' to yourself again," Steve replied, frowning slightly, crossing his arms. "Buck, what's going on? You can tell me, ya know?" 

Bucky just scowled. He knew he could. But he didn't want to. He didn't want his pal to know he was having hallucinations. About his sister, no less. 

Y/N Grant Rogers. 

Sometimes Bucky felt like he grieved more than Steve did. 

"I know," he said finally, taking a breath and exhaling. "It's nothing."

Steve just cocked an eyebrow at him, but didn't ask him to elaborate, which Bucky was thankful for. He remembered the day it had happened. 

It had been a week after Steve had rescued Y/N from HYDRA. One week, and then she'd vanished, gone. There had been reports of a body being found, but none were confirmed. But it was most likely that she was dead. Bucky never wanted to believe it. But she hadn't reappeared, even after two damn years. Two years Bucky was in denial, until he finally had no other option but to accept it. And now it was plaguing his mind, screwing him up even more than he already was. 

He had a mix of memories from the 40s, then a mix of HYDRA's torture, and then just... her. 

"C'mon. Lunch." 

He was pulled out of his thoughts as Steve crossed the room, tapping his shoulder lightly. 

"Anyone there? Bucky? Earth to Buck-" 

"I'm goddamn here," Bucky sighed, shaking his head. "Let's go." 

Downstairs in the Compound, most of the others were already there. Nat, Clint, Bruce, Tony, Thor, Wanda, even Vision. 

"Looks like the Manchurian Candidate decided to show up," Tony snarked, grinning his typical sarcastic smile at Bucky. Bucky just shook his head as his eyes darted around the room. 

Her. 

He inhaled sharply, then shook his head, and she was gone. 

"Bucks, c'mon," Steve said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. Bucky snapped out of his stupor, frowning, trying hard to push the hallucinations away. 

"Yeah?"

"Something's wrong," Steve said bluntly. "You haven't been yourself for months." 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because of what HYDRA did," Bucky snarled. 

"No. You were gettin' better. And then you weren't." Steve studied him, his eyes stormy blue, clearly worried. 

Bucky pulled away from him, walking over to get some food, choosing not to reply. Memories played back in his mind, flipping past thoughts. 

He chuckled slightly to himself as he took a small bite of his sandwich. 

Oh, everyone keeps trying to tell me to fix myself. But how can I fix myself when I'm the ripped piece of paper and you were the tape?  He wondered to himself. He pretended not to see the worried gaze that Steve was tossing his way. Or even the slight frown on Tony's face. 

Where were you when I needed you? When I needed someone to talk to. When I needed someone to push the voices out of my head. Someone to quiet the screaming. Someone to kill my demons. Someone to convince me that there isn't a monster in the mirror. 

He sighed, trying to put on his usual glower. 

Not dead. Lost. 

He finished off his sandwich and started to stand when he saw Tony beckon to him. He scowled, but Tony just shook his head, so he gave in and followed Tony out of the room, into Tony's office.

"Talk," Tony ordered, pointing a finger at him. Bucky glared at him.

"What makes you think I wanna talk to you?" 

If he didn't even talk to his best friend about his issues, why would he ever talk to Tony, of all people? 

His eyes darted around the office, and of course, she was there, sitting at Tony's chair, giving him the smile he remembered so well, her eyes shining. 

Then she was gone. 

"You're seeing things," Tony guessed astutely, his eyes following Bucky's. Bucky snapped his head toward the playboy billionaire, staring at him in shocked surprise. 

"How-"

"Way you've been acting. Who's been on your mind?" 

Bucky shook his head, trying to concentrate again, wiping out the illusions from his thoughts. 

"Rogers," he blurted before he could stop himself. 

Damnit, Bucky.

"Steve?" Tony furrowed his eyebrows, slightly confused. Bucky shook his head, his metal hand clenching into a fist before he exhaled, trying to relax. 

"No."

Tony's eyes slowly widened. "Y/N." 

Bucky stayed silent, not responding, then slowly, his shoulders slumped. "I see her everywhere, damnit. I can't- I'm hallucinating. And I can't even talk to Steve, I can't even tell my best friend-" 

Tony grabbed his shoulders lightly, studying him seriously. Bucky stiffened from the physical contact before he sighed, shaking his head again. 

"Breathe," Tony ordered, his tone curt. "Just breathe, kid." 

It didn't feel right to have Tony call him kid, when Bucky was older than him by (only) about eighty years. But Bucky let him. 

"I gotta tell Steve," Bucky admitted. "But it's his sister, and... I don't even know if he's past grieving." 

"Tell him anyhow," Tony advised, letting go of him and snapping the glasses off his face, folding them and putting them away. "Now, I've got work to do. But come to me if you need anything. Got it, General Grievous?" 

Bucky scowled at him. "That's the worst possible nickname you have ever come up with." 

Tony smirked with a shrug. "Have fun."

Bucky left the office confused.