why cant i do anything right?
i sit here being yelled at and all i can do is stand my ground why cant i ever just let myself fall i hate myself i hate being here but why i should be happy with what i have im in a good school i am first chair violin 1 in my orchestra class i have a phone not that im alowed to use it ever i get grounded to much i talk to much god why cant i ever shut the fuck up and yet i still talk back to her jesus when was the last time i was happy at home the only times ive been happy in the past 3 years has been at school away from her at this point its been 15 mins after the yelling has stoped and all i can do is just sit here writing sitting here writing emails to my platonic wife who has a girlfriend otherwise i have one to so why am i sad ive never met my girlfriend in person only over text but a friend introdused me and has shown me pictures so why am i sad but more importantly why cant i love i have a girlfriend and a wife yet i cant love i just want to be able to rest
to be able to
die
that would be nice but yet i sit here reading fanfics between alexander hamilton and john laurence even tho they make my sad cus ill never have that i still read them "6:53" thats what the clock reads 6:53 pm i cant even go to my bed yet.
im not aloued to.
i just wanna sleep i have school tomorrow assuming i dont kill my self before then why can i write good all my answers are short on my school work im guessing thats why im failing school or at least thats what i get yelled at for i dont want to know if i actually am it makes her feel better to yell at me
(a/n the book will end when out charecter is happy :) just so yall know theres no update thing for this one it just happens when it happens)
