Why can't I just be normal.

Why can't I just be normal. Everytime I see you at school. I want to cry. I don't know why. But I do. I am not gonna because I'll be embarrassed of myself and everyone will see me crying. So then I keep myself in. And it somehow has to come out. That's when the attacks start. Why do I have to have these panic attacks?! Everyone looks at me like I am mentally when I am shaking like crazy. I have to go to the bathroom and keep myself together. But they won't let me. And then I come back. Thinking about you. Your hair so perfect. Your gorgeous smile. Just perfect. I come back, everyone stares obviously. And I still want to cry. Can't I be like the normal kids. Have no acne?! Not be ginger. Natural straight hair. Not so tall. Be better to people. So that they don't find me weird. And mostly you, why can't you like me?! And then... I start to overthink. Like every other night. What is wrong with me?! Why can't I just be normal. Have a better body. Thinking and thinking and thinking, all over again. What is wrong with me?! Why can't I just be normal.