BLOODLINES OF MILWAUKEE. (UNDER EDITING.)

•DROWING ON DRY LAND

A bang from the window hits my head as we drive over the dumpy part of the road.
"Hm, maybe it'll wake you up."
"Sorry mom, I'm tired."
My mom just rolls her eyes.
"Well maybe if you listen to me and go to sleep early, you wouldn't be so tired."
Now I roll my eyes, except I don't look at her.
"How am I supposed to if my basketball tournament ended at 9 and then I had honors homework they wanted me to do over the break? You made me do honors and that tournament."
"Renée, look, people want a smart, well fit, girl. All these things you call troubles that I put you through are just to help you."
"Mhm."
My mother just scoffs at my response.
Whatever. She'll be proven wrong soon.
I look at the dry, cold Wisconsin land. It's January 1st.
My town might just be the most boring of them all. Considering we drive to Illinois for a lot of things.
I was born in Milwaukee, but my parents don't like to talk about that. Not allowed to either.
The drive is silent. We don't talk much, me and my mom.

We soon pulled into the Aurora Hospital. I had already had a doctor's appointment at the Aurora clinic. They referred me to the hospital. All for some missed periods, cramps, and stomach aches.

Walking into the hospital was all already intoxicating enough. The smell of sterilization, medicine, and then cleaning products hit me all at once.
I followed my mom to the front desk. A lady with pale skin but pitch black hair sits there. She had a pip squeak voice.
My mom checks us in, but I look around at the hospital.
It has windows above the main entrance, with skylights at the ceiling. The lobby is divided into 2 sides. One is the sitting area, and the other is for the emergency room.
"Renée!"
I snap out of my trance.
"C'mon, sit down."
My mom, with haste, sits down and starts to work on the paperwork.
I plop down next to her.
"You should be watching so you can know to do at least something when you finally move out."
Her comment makes my head hurt even more. I'm only 16. I still have 2 more years!
But I think she plans to throw me out before that. She's just like that.

"Renée Reyes?"
I look up from my lap. A nurse in purple scrubs. She's holding a clipboard, looking through the pages.
"I'm her mother!"
She stands, grabbing my arm and dragging me to the nurse.
We follow her through some hallways.
I hear a woman screaming out from down the hall. We walk down towards the hall, we soon pass it, though. I look through the little window. I see a woman in labor.
I see the pain on her face. The sweat. She has someone holding her hand while her eyes are closed shut.

I don't stare for long though.
Because it hits me. Is that what Letty went through?

I feel my arm be tugged as I'm dragged away from the scene.
My mom's hand tightens around my arm until I pull away from the pain.
Wincing at her torture.
The walk felt long, only because my legs were tired.
We entered a room with one of those machines that the nurse would do my ultrasound on.
I plop down on the medical bed.
The nurse and my mother start talking, zone out.
Why am I even here? There's nothing wrong with me. The nurse here should be helping that lady in labor instead of me. She needs it more. I don't need this-
"Ok so honey, if you could just lay back for me."
"W-What?"
I stutter. I sound so stupid
"They need you to lay back for the ultrasound."
My mother practically shouts. Saying the words as if I'm too dumb to understand.
I lay back and lay my shirt as I'm told.
I gasp at the feeling of the cold gel on my stomach.
I feel her put the probe right on the area.
I scan the nurse's face.
She's so pretty and blonde. A lot of girls I've seen boyfriends with are blonde.
I'm not blonde, I'm a dark, dark brown.
Just like my parents. And my sister.
But I never really-
Her eyes.
They flashed.

They widened for just a moment. Only a moment before returning back to normal.
What happened?

She turns to my mother, who is busy texting someone. She soon mouths the words,
"You're pregnant. Stay quiet."
My eyes widened.
How?
How? I'm not that irresponsible. I'm not that possibly stupid.
My heart beats a little faster with each breath I take until the nurse puts her hand over my chest and tells me to relax.
She soon turns back to my mother and says,
"Marie, I forgot to tell you about a problem, one I should have discussed in the waiting room!"
My mother stands quickly.
"What's wrong?"
"We need you to fill out some papers at the front desk. Do you think you can go, and I'll see what's wrong?"
My mother, without hesitation, says, of course, and tells me to behave. With that, she leaves the room.

The nurse's demeanor changes.
She's not the sweet, kind, caring woman I saw just now.
She looks more like someone who is disappointed in you.

She turns back on the ultrasound and keeps looking at the fetus inside of me.
"What are you going to do?"
She quickly starts to type.
"What?"
I ask, confused.
"About the fetus in your stomach."
I rub my hand over it.
"I, I don't know."
She glances over at me.
"Do you want your mom to know?
"No."
I respond quickly.
"Well you need to figure that one out soon."
She keeps typing.
"Are you going to tell my mom?"
She types.
"No. Not right away, at least."
She types.
"Please don't."
She types. Then sighs.
"I won't. But she needs to know."
She types. I watch her.
I watch her type my last name.
R-e-y-e-s.

But she stops at that.
She turns to a piece of paper and starts to write things on it.
It's a number.
Her number.
And her name.
VANESSA EMORY
Then, at the bottom, my breath is snatched.

The National Suicide Hotline number:

I don't read the numbers.
I'm not going to kill myself.
Maybe.

"If you feel like something is going to happen, call me, it doesn't matter what time, or that number. Could save your life."
I thank her quietly.
But I ask,
"Why are you doing this?"
Vanessa starts to wash her hands.
"You're a kid. But you're not dumb."
She turns off the water and turns to me. I'm still lying down.
"I've seen many girls like you. Some started bursting crying, some started hitting themselves, some were jumping up and down like they wanted it to happen. Then there's the ones like you."
She stands in front of me.
"You're smart, I can tell, but you've made a mistake."
I sigh.
"Is the father around?"
I look at her and say,
"Yes, he's my boyfriend."
"His name?"
"Andrew."
She mumbles his name many times whilst holding on to her necklace. A cross.
Her words fill my eyes. With tears.
I want to cry.
But I say the truth instead.
"But I took the pill..."
"Which brand?"
"Just the brand from some random drug store..."
I stutter.
She sighs.
"Thoese are the lease effective usually. How long did it say until it didn't work?"
I quickly answer in 48 hours.
"Well hon, what time did you have sex?"
I jump slightly.
No adult has ever been that relaxed with me.
"Well we had it at like 6, then I forgot to take it the next day, until I saw the receipt, and quickly went to take it.."
"What time was that?"
"6 pm..."
She groans.
"Hon, that's basic math..."
My eyes stung with tears.
So much for being at the top of my class.
I nurse rubs my back until soon my mom swings through the door, and I straighten up quickly.
Blinking away my tears.
"So what's wrong with her?"
Vanessa puts on a light smile and starts to speak in a light tone.
"Well it's nothing big, I look, and I think it's a serious weight loss and stress."
My mother just grins.
"Well she used to have an eating disorder,' can you believe that!?"
My mother laughs.
It pisses me off.
Vanessa looks a little off her.
As if it's not something to laugh about.
It really isn't.

"Well, like I said, she's probably under a lot of stress. Maybe get her someone to talk to, like a-"
"Like a therapist?"
My mother intrudes.
"Well, yes, like that."
She crackles at Vanessa's answer.
"She doesn't need it. She isn't traumatized."
She motions for me to get up and fix my shirt.
"Is that it?"
Vanessa looks down at the chart.
"Bring her back next weekend so I can so if it's really just stress and major weight loss."
We left shortly after that.
Vanessa hugged me.