realization ; l.h

12/20/18

Five days before Christmas while I was in the shower, I became very aware that I needed to switch some shit up in my life. I had been living in my own little world; going to school, then work, then going home to my apartment at whatever time I happened to get off work; only to eat whatever food I would happen to have and then watch romantic comedies on my laptop illegally, wondering what went wrong with Jason and why we didn't work out like Emma and Adam from No Strings Attached.

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Jason was my ex-boyfriend, who broke my heart, all because he got accepted into Dartmouth on a whim, after applying from Boston College, where he'd been going for almost two and a half years. Apparently being 2 hours away from each other was too much of a strain for him, especially since he needed to focus on school, and didn't want to have to worry about making time for me, or putting me through the hurt of him eventually loosing feelings. October 9th, 2018 will be a date I probably won't be able to forget for a long time. I don't think I'd have as much of a problem with it, but it really is such a stupid reason. He was supposed to come home with me for Thanksgiving, then I would do Christmas at his house, like we did last year. There was a whole lot of those supposed to's with the breakup.

Any ways, while shampooing and ignoring the music playing from my phone, I realized that the way I had been living for the past two months really isn't something a sane twenty one year old should be doing. I should've been doing stuff to get over him, and just living and seeing the friends that I had, instead of behaving like a hermit. I'm legal, and I could go clubbing, and be out drinking.

So, five days before Christmas at 10:38 pm, I hastily threw a bunch of clothes into some suitcases, loaded up my Jeep and took a spontaneous car ride to my hometown. Thankfully, traffic by the city wasn't horrible; and I got back to Old Tappan before 3. The only thing that slowed me down was the snow.

Using my key, I let myself in; deciding to just tell my parents that I was back home in the morning. Thankfully I never woke up our dog Niko; which saved my life cause the little brat would've woken everyone up. Well probably just mom, my older brother Peter could and would sleep through anything.

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The next morning the smell of coffee and my mom talking on the phone to probably a client woke me up. Both of my parents were realtor agents; and my oldest brother James decided to follow in their footsteps, and just got married to his girlfriend of 4 years Isabella. My other brother Peter however, is really into art and lives with his girlfriend Francesca.

Through the wall I could kinda hear snoring; which meant that Peter was in-fact home. I sit up and stretch, pulling my glasses off my nightstand; and shoving them on my face before throwing off my duvet and heading towards the kitchen.

As soon as I step into my moms view, her eyes widen; and she quickly tells my aunt Eva that she'll call her later. She stands up from the table and runs over to me, engulfing me in a huge hug.

"Hows my little one?" She asks me with a huge smile on her face, finally pulling away.

I look around the kitchen then back at my mother. She looks the same as when I last saw her; which was when I moved into my apartment in August. Being the only girl, and the youngest; there was definitely times when I got special treatment from both my mom and dad, which is why I have all these pet names; "little one" being on that list.

"I've missed everyone," I hesitantly start off, "I've been meaning to get home sooner but with everything I've had going on it just hasn't happened." I play with a string that started fraying off of my sweater; waiting for the moment my mom freaked out because I let a relationship completely take over my life, and made me toss my family to the side.