Foolish dreams

Reflecting back

Jimins doorbell went and he stirred on the sofa groaning as the headache hit him.
He'd gone for a drive and sat in his car staring out at scenery,thinking about how he'd mistaken Jungkooks intentions.
The friendliness.....well maybe he was a tiny bit softer on Jimin than the others,but Jimin now realised was because he called Jimin so 'freaking small', maybe it was just worry about hurting him physically.
When Tae and Jungkook had seemed to fall out,it meant that he hung around with Jimin a bit more until Jimin himself got them talking to each other,then Jungkook seemed happier and didn't continue the one on one meetings,shouldn't Jimin have realised then how oblivious Jungkook was to him,not unfriendly just well ,treated him as a member of the group joking around,but he did that with everyone.
He'd realised that because of the way he felt about the other he had projected that onto Jungkook,totally blind to the truth,so he drove home and had a pity party on his own....drinking until he passed out on the sofa.
The loud knocking came again and Jimin stood up mussing his hair and walking to his door opening it wide,
"What?"
"Jimin,why aren't you wearing a shirt get back inside,"
A none too gentle hand pushed him back inside.
Jimins eyes were now wide open,Jungkooks hand sending tingles through his body.
"Are you drunk? Wait is your date here??"
Jungkook sounded annoyed ,Jimin looked a hot mess standing there with no shirt and yesterday's trousers on.
"Date?"
"Yer Jin said you might have a date that's why you bunked off,"
"Oh..." Jimin neither confirmed or denied that statement, god bless Jin he thought.
"I'm going to shower what do you want Koo....Jungkook?"
Jungkook didn't miss the way Jimin called him by his full name.
"What's going on with you?"
"Me?nothing..."
"Well who is this date that got you drunk?"
"What does it matter?"
"Well er....,you should be careful Jimin,you could be seen and get a reputation..."
"I drank here..."
"You let someone in your home!"
"Ugh!enough already I'm going to shower..."
Jimin wandered to his room,Jungkooks eyes following him,unashamedly admiring his curvy ass and slim body.
Jungkook was totally aware that he liked what he saw but had refrained from acting on it. Jimins cuteness made him smile and he admired the others work ethic. He found the smaller male interesting but also perplexing.
He heard the shower running and went to Jimins kitchen to make him something to eat.
Opening the fridge he frowned where was all the food?
Stomping into Jimins room he stopped,the bathroom door was open and he could see in,Jimin stood head tipped back eyes closed water streaming over him looking like something in an adult movie.
Jungkook couldn't take his eyes away gulping as Jimin lathered himself up bending over to soap his legs.
He stood quietly palming himself over his clothes feeling himself harden.
Walking quickly to a spare bathroom he released himself from the confines of his sweatpants and boxers and pumped himself quickly moaning quietly as his release got near. The image of Jimin bending over showing off his perfect ass finally tipped him over and he released into the tissue he had ready his legs shaking.
Throwing the tissue into the toilet he cleaned himself up at the sink then taking a deep breath walked back to the kitchen just as Jimin came back.
"Why are you in the kitchen?"
"I was going to cook us something but your fridge is empty?"
Jimin kept it empty deliberately so he wouldn't be tempted but seeing Jungkooks frowning face he made up an excuse.
"There's a good cafe around the corner so I eat there,haven't been doing big shops as didn't want loads of food left around before military but now I can fill up." He lied.
"Ok then come on..."
"What?"
"We can go to the cafe then do shopping."
Jimin couldn't say no as he'd just said he needed to.
"Ok let me get my wallet"
They walked out going to the cafe.Jimin wasn't lying he had eaten here just not as often as he had implied.
They sat down and a waiter came to take their orders.
"Coffee and toast," Jimin murmured
"He will have a plate of pancakes too,as will I and a banana milk also."
Jimin huffed when the waiter went.
"Coffee and toast would have been fine,"
"No it's not your too skinny"
"Am not! Did you forget what the online fans called me?"
"Your really taking notice of a bunch of adolescent kids?"
"I.....well I'm not exactly the idol type am I ? Short...er, chubby face not even good looking like the rest of you!"
"What the hell do you see in the mirror because it's not what we see! You worry us when you don't eat, your slim your face is not chubby you look handsome...."
Jimin reddened but shook his head,
"I know you're trying to be kind but I'm aware of my deficiencies ."
"It's the truth,you are too hard on yourself,it's upsetting to see you depressed about a non existent problem."
"Is that why you chose Tae as a companion?" Jimin blurted then bit his lip in embarrassment
"What?"
Jimin decided to bluff it out.
"I just wondered if the reason you chose Tae and not me was because I'm too......depressing and hard work.I mean it's ok, I just was...surprised,I thought maybe us three could apply for the same area I didn't know you two had other plans......but if my attitude is what made you two decide to go it alone I completely understand,I'm not to everyone's liking.....I can try to fix it though, I've had time to think it over and realise I've become quite bothersome and clingy,it probably annoys so I'll start by not taking your and Tae's time up you know intruding...you should both have said something" Jimin babbled while Jungkook stared at him in astonishment.
"What...no Jimin....is this what upset you? "
"Me...no I was surprised that's all you know because we usually hung out....its fine,none of my business...er I've had enough you carry on,I'll go shop."
Jimin stood up and paid the bill walking out.
Jungkook stared at where the other had been seated then jumped up and followed.
"Stupid...your so stupid Jimin....." the small male muttered to himself stepping into the road before he was hauled back against a muscled body and a car tooted at him.
"Shit Jimin where is your brain at you nearly got run over!"
Jimins heart was racing not only from the near miss but because Jungkook still held him close.
"S...sorry,erm I was thinking what I need to buy,"
"Isn't the shop down here?"
"What oh yer....erm it's ok Jungkook, you don't need to babysit me...."
"Why Jungkook all of a sudden and not Kookie?"
"Erm....,I just thought you might prefer me to call you by your name not the nickname I gave you when we were younger."
"No I like you calling me Kookie it's friendlier."
Jimin nodded then pulled himself from Jungkooks hold.
"Ok then er shopping it is,"
He walked into the shop and started filling a basket but when his arm started aching he told Jungkook that's all he needed.
"Rubbish,I've seen in your kitchen come on,"
He took the basket loading it up and then took it go the cash desk.
"I don't need all this!"
"What if Tae and I come around? We need snacks!"
"Well it's not like you've visited much the last two months so where's that coming from?"
""Two months! Wow! It was all the forms we had to fill in ,you know I get bored easily so we ended up playing games."
"I thought you maybe had girlfriends.....but if you've found you like each other ...that way I suppose not,"
"Me and Tae as in dating,ew are you kidding! I have no time for girls I've dated of course but nothing lovey dovey,just sex!"
"You've had sex?!" Jimin slapped his hand over his mouth he sounded like the virgin he was," er I mean, you kept that secret!"
"A gentlemen never tells.....how about you any secret girlfriends ?"
Jimin laughed then told the truth,
"Boyfriend ,Kookie I'm gay."
"Hallelujah you finally admitted it, now that wasn't so hard was it?"
"You knew?"
"Jimin we all guessed !you eye up bulky men like wonhoo , your very bashful around good looking men."
"Oh god.....do the others mind?"
"Why should they ,we support LGBTQ so it would be weird if we disowned one of the group!"
Jimin quickly paid for the shopping and struggled out with the bags.
Jungkook lifted them of him as if they were full of feathers.
"Come on let's get this back to yours "
Once inside Jimins they put the food away and Jimin looked around nervously.
"Soooo......I suppose you have plans for today?"
"Nope,thought I'd chill with you?"
"But .......well you'll probably get bored,"
"Are you trying to get rid of me?"
"No....I just......well it's Tae you chose as your companion shouldn't you spend time with him?"
"I told you it was just random it's not like we are a real couple!"
"The fans call you 'Taekook', maybe they see something your not aware you show?"
Jungkook frowned then walked over to Jimin leaning near him at the kitchen counter and trapping him there with an arm either side of him ,
"They call us Jikook does that make you my boyfriend?"
He watched as Jimin blushed so to tease him more he lifted a hand and caressed his cheek," well are you my boyfriend Jiminee?"
Jimin was shocked then in fantasy land imagining him and Jungkook together,before his brain came to a screeching halt and alarm bells rang.
"D-don't make fun of me Kookie......."
"Hey it's a joke ok,lighten up!"
"Yer right, it's laughable isn't it, the great maknae and the ugly duckling.....just go home Kookie, I'm not feeling great I'm going back to bed...."'
Jungkook was annoyed," why do you do it? Putting yourself down, saying you're ugly!!!! This is the side of you I don't care for it's draining your self pitying...!"
Jimin felt wounded , self pitying is that what the other saw when he looked at him.
"I apologise ....i didn't realise.....can you leave now?"
"Look I really don't know what's going on with you,it's like the person who usually hangs around with me, who buys me food, who giggles at my stupid jokes has disappeared!"
"Maybe I finally grew up......that me thought we were..... best friends, close enough to tell each other everything,that we hung out because we both appreciated each other that we both enjoyed anytime we could connect........now looking back and listening to you, it was me that pushed everything, me with the pushy attitude,me complaining to you about my worries of how fans saw me.....or as you call it self pitying....,well now I know and let's just agree to be pleasant when we are in the group then I won't bother you outside of it......so go now K-Kookie, I've really had enough today."
Jungkook frowned but stepped away
"Is this because I didn't tell you about me and Tae,we didn't tell the others either but they're not creating this fuss! Grown up...,you're acting like a spoilt brat.......ill go,don't come running to me when you realise how stupid you've been!"
"Oh I know how stupid I've been," Jimin whispered  seeing Jungkook shake his head and then walk out.
Jimin felt the tears run down his face, So Jungkook thought he was a self pitying brat....at least he didn't know the true reason, his hyung had fallen for him deeply and now knew where he stood in the others opinion.
It's ok you just need to concentrate on your job, buckle down,stop hoping for things that are never going to happen and don't trust anyone,he told himself.
He suddenly felt nauseous and rushed to the bathroom stress and heartache making him throw up everything inside him.
Holding his stomach he crawled into his bed gratefully falling into a deep sleep leaving the painful thoughts til another time.