STRINGS

Quick reminiscence. I grew up in an environment where everyone got bullied at some point in their lives. As children, we were beaten up by our peers if we were scrawny and fat-shamed if we were eurysome or too big for other people's comfort. If we were none of those, we got classified into nerds and imbeciles. There was no fitting in. Irregardless, one could come to terms with who or what they were and pretend they were proud of themselves. But in that world, there was no antidote when you were shamed for being yourself.
I spent part of my teen years at an elite boarding school, where the rich children came to play more than study. I had no such privilege. My tuition was paid for by a well-wisher who had seen a spark of intelligence in me. I could not blow that one chance to succeed, but even though I gave my best, fate had other ideas.

As if being a church mouse wasn't enough, my package of existence came with an anorexic body, a not so bright mind and horrendous communication skills. A three-course meal for bullies plus entertainment on the house. I had given it my all to fit in, which didn't work out of course. I still remembered the day Calvin—one of two people who qualified to be called my friends back then—pulled down my shorts so everyone could have a glimpse of my worn underwear. And the time Sue Anne publicly denied my request to dance with her on Valentine night, rubbing sodium chloride on the wound by adding that she'd rather copulate with the principal's chihuahua.
Despite everything, I survived high school. I had a talent that only a few people possessed. I could listen and understand, even where my ears were not invited. I had a niche to use information to outline relationships. Relationships had loopholes, which ranged from mere lies to full blown deceit. I used this to excel and by the time I graduated, I was not only built bully immunity. I had saved the only misfit who could relate to me. Selene Sunday.
I was going to tackle college with my head held high, master a program or two, but that dream was crushed when my sponsor succumbed to a fatal air crash. I watched my peers ascend to the summit while I grew and sold cabbages and carrots at my grandmother's plot. By then, I had yanked my heart out, cremated it and scattered the ashes in the vastness of the ocean. I had all but accepted that bad luck happened to anyone and success was not for everyone. Then, at my lowest low, a path opened up for me.
I had a routine of picking my young brother at Walstar Elementary after he finished his lessons at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. The school was a good two kilometres away from home, but we could not afford the monthly bus fare so we traversed on foot. As usual, I found Barry waiting for me in the cool shade of the school's biggest almond. He sat with a small girl, wrapping a paper bandage around her index finger. Watching a couple of ten-year olds play doctor and patient brought back some memories. It felt so surreal that I had done the same thing at the same spot almost two decades ago.
"What do we have here?" I asked as I approached.
Barry looked up, his pale face flushing.
"Shania touched a broken bottle," the boy said. "I was just trying to help."
I heard someone laugh softly behind me. A young woman walked past, an enchanting lavender scent trailing behind her. She crouched beside Barry's patient with elegance. She was neatly dressed; a magenta blouse with short frail sleeves and a tight navy skirt. Her hair was black and so long it almost reached the ground at her posture.
"What have you done this time, young lady?" the woman asked, her accent Asian and almost musical.
"It doesn't hurt anymore," the girl replied with the same lilt. She looked up confidently and wagged her paper-wrapped finger. "Barry helped me."
"And how did it stick?" I questioned. "Barry, did you lick the paper?"
The boy looked away, embarrassed. The young woman and I shared a laugh.
"Kids, right?" she said.
"The sweetest, and the worst. Come now, doctor. Let's get going."
Barry stood and reluctantly followed. The azure skies were cloudless, the noon sun scorching and unrelenting. The weather was too aggressive for mid-spring. Conveniently, I had forgotten an umbrella.
"Can we board the bus for today, Joey? Please?" Barry begged.
"We'll get it tomorrow, I promise," I lied.
I was way behind on Barry's tuition and the little ingrate fasted if he saw a lot of vegetables and less meat on his daily menu. The least he could do was walk and be thankful. We had barely moved past the school's off-premise flower fields when a black Renault hatchback pulled over to the side of the road. A face popped out of the driver's window.
"Where are you headed?" a familiar voice asked.
"Green Valley plots," I answered.
"Hop in then," the young woman said.
Before I thought of declining the offer, Barry ran forward and opened the back door of the car. He had already snuggled inside by the time I formulated a response. He'd pay for that when we got home. Left without choice, I dragged my feet towards the car and followed Barry inside. The car drove off as soon as I sat. I was surprised by the excellent conditioning within. The air even smelled of lavenders, just like the Asian woman.
"I didn't spoil your exercise routine, did I?" the woman said.
"Not really. You just saved us from a trek through hell."
"Name's Jane, by the way."
"Joey."
"Nice knowing you, fellow J," Jane said in a bantery tone.
"Uh, the pleasure is all mine?"
Jane turned out to be a chatbot despite her funny accent. For all my concerns I thought she'd have trouble shaping out words, but in the end I was just grateful I did not have to talk all the way towards home. In a few minutes, we had traveled a distance that could have taken us eons had we footed it out. I pointed at our plot as we approached and Jane stopped before the gate. I thanked her for the lift and stepped out of the car.
"Mister Joey," Shania started hesitantly. "Can Barry come to my birthday party on Saturday?"
Not knowing how to react to that, I forged a smile on my face. "I'll think..."
"I can pick him up if you're worried about how he'll get there," Jane offered. "We don't live far from here. Our house is in the mountainside residence in Raven Heights."
I just nodded. Raven Heights was a beautiful place. Just walking in the streets of that low density suburb made one feel rich. Ministers, councillors and other important state people lived there. I wondered why Shania was attending lessons at Walstar Elementary when her family could evidently do better.
"Joey?" Jane called out as I walked towards the gate. She smiled then. "You forgot to take my number."
I felt claustrophobic. A word formed in my throat and quickly solidified into a lump.
"I... I left my phone at home," I stammered.
"No biggy. You can give me yours."
I did not know whether I was supposed to feel elated or alarmed at such a gesture. Nonetheless, I gave Jane my contact and later forgot about the whole incident when I started watering my carrots. Grandma sat by the porch and watched me work as she knitted her fabrics. She saw my father in me, and she always commented that I was becoming more and more like him everyday. Maybe that was so on the outside. Inside, I was very different. I was not optimistic like him, I was not sweet and the only thing I cared about was my family's well-being. And Barry's dream.
A text message notification woke me up the following morning. It read:
Hi J. It's J. Get Barry ready. Will pick him up in 15.
That had to be Jane. We weren't even friends. Heck, she was just a generous girl who had offered us a lift in a time of need. Doing it again wasn't necessary, and in this world being kind was not for free. I pondered on it for a while. What if Jane kidnapped Barry? Where would I even start? On the other hand, she could have done so a long time ago by picking him up at school before my arrival. Barry and Shania seemed to be good friends. I decided to allow Jane to carry Barry only if I saw Shania with her. Not having to walk Barry to school was a huge burden off my back, even though Jane's sympathy was fishy. It could have felt normal if I was of the same race as her, but who was I to question favors? Maybe she had a thing for colored men, or poor people.
I prepared Barry's breakfast and lunchbox. The little man barely finished in time before a car hooted outside the gate. He almost ran.
"You called the bus driver?" Barry asked anticipatingly.
"Well, not quite..." I said, "but someone is here to pick you up."
I walked Barry to the gate and we found Jane and Shania waiting in the Renault outside. Barry joined Shania in the back seat.
"Coming?" Jane asked. I shook my head. She winked. "You'll miss the joyride."
She revved her engine and accelerated away, leaving me in a cloud of fume. Though I did not know her at all, I could tell that the young woman was a handful.
Jane picked Barry to and from school for the rest of the week. She was a blessing. She had not asked for any favors in return, but I knew that was going to come sooner or later. I had played that game once or twice back in high school. Playing nice so I could be owed. I suspected that's what Jane was doing. When the time came to call in the favor, I'd be hardpressed to say no.
I received Jane's text around eight on Saturday morning, giving me a heads up that she'd drive by around ten. Barry bathed and adorned himself in his Sunday best. I had no plans of going anywhere so I slouched on the couch and watched television.
"You better hurry up before Shania comes," Barry said, showing off his brilliance in front of the screen.
"Step aside," I waved him away. "I'm not going."
"What? Why?" the boy asked, visibly surprised.
I chuckled. "Come on, bro. Did you expect me to attend a children's party? That's weird."
"Jane will be there," Barry said.
"So?"
"She's a grown up like you."
I stood, grabbed the boy by the shoulders and looked him in the eye.
"You'll have fun. I'll cook some shepherd's pie. You'll have plenty of it when you get back, if your stomach can take it."
The boy did not look convinced, but he did move away from the television screen. A few minutes later, grandma returned from her vegetable garden with lettuce and a couple of big tomatoes. Behind her was Jane, whom I almost failed to recognize thanks to her dressing. Her hair was plaited into a high conical bun, which accentuated the appealing length of her jeweled neck. A white tank top left most of her smooth skin exposed, and black jeans followed the curves of her hips and legs. Jane did not strike me as a glamour and style enthusiast, but her appearance could have qualified for a fashion magazine front page.
"Hie Joey," Jane said as she made herself comfortable on a sofa. Her makeup, blush and eyeliner made her look like a pixie. It pained me to admit, but she looked stunning.
"Someone is on Mars," the young woman mocked, and I withdrew my gaze, feeling mystified. "Your grandma is so sweet. She offered to make us burgers for the road," she lowered her voice into a whisper. "And Barry says they are the best."
That little snitch! As if on cue, he showed up and ran forth for a special high five with Jane. The two had become fast friends, apparently.
"Ready to go?" Jane asked.
Barry looked at me with puppy dog eyes. "Joey won't come with us. I don't want to go without him."
Oh, grow up!
Jane pouted. "Really, Joey? Don't tell me you have a kids phobia. Go dress up, we'll wait for you while our burgers fry."
She was an aggressive one. I felt cornered. I had been caught in a string. If I disappointed Barry, he would refuse to go and his absence at the party would disappoint Shania. Shania's disappointment would mess with Jane's emotions. Emotional thinking provided poor judgement. All it took was one instance and Jane would decide not to pick Barry to and from school. I was not ready to let go of that privilege yet. I stood up and left for the bathroom.
"I'm glad you're making friends," grandma said as I walked past the kitchen. "You should bring them home more often and show them your produce. Who knows, some of them may know people who offer better market prices."
"You just want to show off your culinary skills to a bigger audience," I retorted. I could hear grandma's throaty laughter above the sizzling of patties. She was guilty as charged.
The only piece of clothing that suited an occasion of the elite in my closet was my blue high school graduation suit. I scorned myself for dressing formally for a kid's birthday party. But it was either that or the risk of severing the string, and Barry and I would go back to our cumbersome walking routine.
Grandma served our burgers and we left, though Jane took the first bite in the house and showered her with compliments. All that praise earned Jane the VVIP ticket to come back whenever she felt like. Jane drove us off a few minutes before eleven. I was worried I was going to look stupid among the upper class folks of Raven Heights. I'd definitely not fit in with my suntanned skin. They were pale, crisp and fragile, and any conversation they initiated would sound like alien tongue to me.
Jane and Barry could not stop prattling about their expectations for the day. Through these conversations, I began to see how Jane had strategically trapped me for the occasion by using her vehicle to transport us. Even if I wanted to leave early I'd be at the mercy of her decision since we depended on her to commune back home. I had taken a few dollars with me in case of an emergency, but that was not enough to hire a taxi. And I'd likely give it to Barry so he could surrender it all to Her Majesty as a birthday gift.
The hatchback rolled out of the Green Valley plots and crossed a highway. We ascended into the streets of Raven Heights. The road was smoother and free of potholes. The houses and were big and tall, the walls enclosing them decorated competitively as if there was an annual competition for house of the year. The place had a lot of citrus trees, most of which were limes and lemons. Not a single person loitered in the streets, but I spotted a few white blokes watering their flowers and hedges outside.
The car turned into a street that headed up to the mountain residence. Not long afterwards, Jane pulled into a pavement that was flanked by two griffin statues of porcelain. A tall black gate slid open in front of us as the car approached. The grandeur that was revealed beyond replaced my anxiety with marvel. A few expensive cars were parked inside. I had a hunch that not all of them had carried people who wanted anything to do with Shania's birthday. But then again, this was foreign territory. Maybe I was just paranoid.
The house could have passed for a manor. Not many people had been invited to the party, and that only made the house look bigger. The dining area was on the first floor, so we followed Jane up a spiral of stairs for the brunch that Jane's mother had so happily announced upon our arrival. I expected to see a lot of surprises that day, but I was not prepared to see the mayor of Dudley city. He sat near whom I supposed was Jane's father, enjoying some banter and dessert at the table. I had seen the chap on the news several times. He sounded like a nice guy, but what could possibly bring him to this part of the city, and more precisely, to Shania's birthday? The mayor looked Italian so there was no chance he was related to this family.
Jane introduced me as her friend and lied that our siblings were coincidentally classmates and buddies as well. She told her father I was an excellent farmer and left when I had been granted an audience to explain the life cycle of a cabbage. As the day progressed, a few more people showed up. They were all fancy and reeked of money, but I was glad none of them gave me a hard time.
Some neighborhood kids came for treats and fireworks later towards sunset. A Taiwanese young man showed up around the same time, and judging through conversations that followed, I realized he was Jane's boyfriend. I stumbled upon the mayor outside when I decided to take a break from the birthday carols. The cool dusk had transitioned into the night by then. The corpulent man was sitting alone in the backyard, flipping through pages of a small book. Weird.
"Joey, is it?" the man started. "You don't strike me as a farmer, forgive my honesty. But heck, you do sound like one. A good one. Was it always your passion, if I may ask?"
"No, sir. I was always interested in the world of information technology."
"Quit that sir crap. Call me James. So, what made you change your mind?"
I told him about my unfortunate circumstance and he listened attentively. Or at least he pretended to. He fished out a business card from his trouser pocket and handed it to me.
"There are organizations that help people like you make their dreams come true," James said. "That's a direct line. I'll confirm with those currently operating when I return to the office. Just give me a call and we'll talk this through."
The man stood up and stretched. If I let him go back inside without getting something out of him, that would be the end of it. Not many people got to see him in private. I'd be damned if blew this chance.
"Sir," I started. "If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer to get a job. Anything. I'm not that educated, and beggars cannot be choosers."
James paused, looking startled.
"I thought your hands were full with all this farming you were talking about. If you ask me, you have something good going. You've managed to empower yourself, Joey, and working under someone else's supervision will be giving away that liberty."
"It doesn't always pay," I confessed. "Low yield, stunted crop, and the market. I have a brother and a grandmother to take care of. Right now, I'm barely making ends meet. Anything for a decent wage, and I promise I'll give it my best."
James slapped my bicep without as much as thinking about it. He nodded as he walked past me.
"I'll see what I can get," he said.
I was nowhere near convinced that he'd actually do anything. My hopes went down the gutter. I followed James inside just in time for the birthday photos. I refused to partake but volunteered to be the cameraman instead, which everyone found convenient. They bundled around Shania and Barry as I took several snaps of the little girl blowing candles and cutting cake. Later on, we sat and listened to Duane (Jane's boyfriend) playing a piano and singing some hearty Chinese song. Jane joined him with a violin and we concluded the event with a shower of applause.
Duane lived in town so he offered to drop us in Green Valley on his way home. We found grandma awake, watching a farming program on t.v. Grandma usually slept around eight, something I regarded as an impressive feat for people in their seventies. Her endurance past the tenth hour in the night was a mystery. Maybe, by some old age power, she had sensed that Jane had secretly shorn off a big chunk of Shania's cake for her. Undoubtedly, Barry had told Jane about grandma's sweet tooth and her fondness to confections. The young fellow, ever the bearer of good things, gifted grandma with a lunchbox full of cake, and after she tasted it, she never stopped asking about Jane.
I contacted the mayor the following day and even sent him my deficient resume on his email address. I never got a response. Days became weeks and weeks turned into months. The schools closed for the April holidays. Jane and Shania visited at least once a week, pretending they wanted to buy my vegetables when in actual fact they either wanted grandma's burgers or a taste of Barry's charisma. Jane had become a close friend to both Barry and grandma. I liked Jane, but knowing she was in a relationship with Duane prevented me from getting too familiar.
One week prior to the end of Barry and Shania's holiday, Jane visited. It was bright noon and grandma was having her midday nap whilst Barry enjoyed weeding my carrots, uprooting and eating half of them in the process. Jane chose to recline on her favorite sofa while I went to the kitchen to get her some cold water. When I returned, she had stood, and she looked agitated.
"You in a hurry?" I asked.
"Not at all," Jane replied, placing the water glass I had just handed her on the coffee table without taking as much as a sip. She ran a hand through her hair. Then she tittered. "It's just that... I don't know how to say this."
"Is everything alright? Should I call grandma? Or Barry, perhaps?"
"Don't," Jane said quickly. She sat again and started snapping her fingers, something I had come to realize was an automated hobby of hers when she felt uneasy. She looked up at me and breathed out. "Today is my birthday."
The tension that was starting to build inside me escaped in laughter. I could not help myself.
"For a second there I thought you were going to announce that Shania is missing or something," I said. Jane's cheeks flushed.
"I was wondering if you'd like to join me for dinner tonight. There's this place in town where they know how to cook our traditional cuisine just right."
"So you were afraid to ask me out on a date?"
"It's not... Fine, call it what you want. I will pick you up around six. Don't tag Barry along by accident, I know he'll want to come."
I shrugged. "I didn't even say I wanted to go. Dining is not my thing, sorry. I'm sure Duane wouldn't approve, either."
Jane stood. She looked mad. She gave me an incredulous look and turned to leave.
"I knew I'd regret this," she said, right before she slammed the door on her way out.
"Someone is having a bad period," I punned, then chuckled dryly at my own joke. Women.
I wrote an apologetic text to Jane later that day, but I deleted it before sending and switched the phone off for extra caution. There was nothing to apologize for. I was about to take a bath when I heard the humming of an engine outside. A few seconds later I heard Barry screaming Jane's name. After I was done scrubbing myself, I found her in the living room, sitting with grandma and Barry. She wore a floral purple dress and a matching choker. The fashion was simple, but seeing Jane in it turned common clothing into trending apparel. I asked myself one question that I had shunned from the very beginning. Was I in love with her?
"You're going, dressed like that?" Jane asked as soon as she saw me. Her sudden possessiveness and the whole control freak thing was getting my nerve on edge. Nevertheless, I smiled for the sake of grandma and Barry.
"Wear that blue jean you wore on Walstar consultation day. And that grey tee. Hurry, dinner starts at six thirty. We'll have to drive at double speed."
Grandma winked at me. Did she set Jane up for this? Did Barry know, because his composure screamed conspiracy? As I stood like a statue contemplating my options, Jane tapped at her wristwatch. I retreated to my room and faced my closet. What was I doing?
Jane kept her word. She drove us to town at the speed of light. Behind the wheel, she felt thrilled and excited. The violent wind that tore through the crack she had left on her window blew her untied hair and made her look feral. The car rolled into the bright lights of shops and restaurants. A lot of people who worked in town had already left for home and all that we could see was a few couples enjoying the evening walk and heavily dressed men whom I suspected were meth dealers.
Our destination was at the heart of town, and the restaurant occupied the twelfth and last floor of the building. I was beginning to like the look of things, the class and splendor within the establishment, and I was starting to smell the romance in Jane's mild perfume. Then the young woman led me towards one of the tables of four. On one of the chairs, I noticed with distaste, Duane sat. His eyes were glued to a menu he held so close to his face I wondered if his spectacles were just ornamental.
"I grew tired of waiting," Duane said. His accent always forced a smile out of me, but the confusion that his presence caused negated my mood.
"Take a sit," Jane invited. I did, albeit unwillingly. I grabbed a pamphlet and took a look at the menu. Nothing except fried rice was familiar.
"Bulgogi and stir-fried zucchini sounds nice," Jane suggested.
"Agreed," Duane seconded.
"Is that even food?" I asked skeptically. Duane and Jane did not budge. I shrugged. "Fine, I'm not the one paying. Might as well give it a try."
Seeing I had no idea about Asian dishes, the couple selected the rest of the course without asking for my opinion. An elderly Asian waitress took our order and returned with some kind of rice cake, which Jane called bacon tteok. Before we were finished, the main course came, saving me from Duane's probing questions. Bulgogi , it turned out, was just shredded beef with some chopped up vegetables. The way it was grilled made look extraordinary and taste like a meal of the gods. We gorged ourselves on the magnificent dish, then concluded our diner with a watermelon dessert. We got a good dose of complimentary wine then Jane drove us to Duane's place afterwards.
Duane's apartment was not far from the restaurant. It was on the third floor of some fancy building and I was awed by the tidiness of the place. Duane led us into his leathery parlor and left to get an ashtray, cigarettes, a bong and some gin. He even produced a small plastic bag which contained some white substance that I suspected was coke. The couple indulged themselves in most if not all of the drugs. I accepted nothing but a cheap brand of whisky that Duane offered as an afterthought. My first drink. It tasted like acidic sewage, but it did make me blend in.
We shared a few stories and laughed. I learnt that Duane had met Jane in college. Jane had dropped out of a software engineering program to pursue her dream career, modeling. Duane had graduated and he worked for a cyber security company that paid him a good six figures a year.
"Joey," Jane started, her speech slurring. "Do you have a girlfriend?"
I flushed and almost spat out my whisky. "Well, not at the moment."
"Right... So I had this idea. I mean, me and Duane. We haven't had much relations for quite a while. Duane has heart problems. His medication lowers his... sexual needs, so we talked about this. I proposed I could add someone into our relationship, strictly for the bedroom though. Duane hated it at first, but he loosened up and agreed that I could bring someone I trust. And since it's my birthday, I thought we'd... you know, give it a shot."
I could not believe my ears. This was not the kind of favor that I had envisioned Jane asking for. She was probably too drunk she did not even know what she was mumbling. I looked at Duane, who offered one of his confident winks. Jane patted on the vacant spot on the right side of the couch.
"Come," she said.
I did not move. Jane placed her bong on the table. She walked over to my sofa and straddled herself on my lap. She planted a long, concupiscent kiss on my lips and sealed off any words of protest. She tasted like strong menthol. Her tongue snaked into my mouth. My stomach tingled. She withdrew abruptly, lowering her lashes in a seductive manner.
"Don't be shy. I know you want me, I've seen it since the day I first saw you."
She took my numb hands and lifted them up to her average bust. As my palms met the delicate curves of her breasts, my body reacted in all the wrong ways. The alcohol in my head only made it worse. Summoning the last ounce of will, I pulled my hands back.
"I need to use the bathroom," I choked out.
Jane looked at me with disbelief. Then she slid off my lap, slowly. She pouted.
"Seriously, Joey?"
I noticed Duane had already lost his shirt and pants and was passionately stroking his member. I strode towards the door without thinking. I felt overwhelmed. Jane called out my name several times but I did not answer or turn back. I walked out and down the passageway. I took an elevator to the ground floor, my whole being eager to leave this godforsaken place as fast as I could. I could hear my heart beating through my eardrums. The weird thing was, part of me wanted to go back. Part of me wanted to prey on a vulnerable Jane, and I was certain that all of us would enjoy it to some extent.
It was only when I got to the parking lot that I saw Jane's Renault and remembered that I had no money to call a taxi.
"Damn it!"
I stood still for a moment, trying to think of a way to get back to Green Valley safely in the darkness of the night. The air was cold and the whipping wind made my teeth clatter.
"Joey," Jane's voice called from behind, startling me out of my thoughts. "Can we talk?"
"I just want to go back home, Jane," I replied.
"I'll drive you," Jane offered.
"You're drunk," I accused. "I don't wish to make this night any worse. You know, I don't think inviting me here was a good idea."
"I know. Let's get you home. I'm sure my parents will start calling soon anyway. I can still drive."
I could have declined if I had plan B. We did not talk all the way from town. It was a weird journey. At least Jane drove like a speed demon and it took us less than thirty minutes to get to Green Valley. I offered an awkward goodbye as I left Jane's car.
"Say hie to Barry and grandma," Jane said timidly. I nodded and Jane drove away. I hissed out a heavy sigh. What a night.