You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 8

Chris pov...

"Rise and shine...!" I hear and groan as Scott pulls the covers off of me. "Nooo... Leave me alone..." I whine and try to pull the covers back, but they are already somewhere on the floor... After my talk with Tara... Or better said our screaming match i had gone home and crawled into bed... I think that that was 3 days ago... Or maybe it was longer. I dont really know... I had closed up the house closing all the curtains and just locking myself away in the darkness... I did not want to see anyone... I just wanted to lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I know i dont deserve to feel sorry for myself. 

"Go away Scott..." I growl putting my pillow over my head as i just want him to leave me alone. "Nope... It is time to get up... You have been feeling sorry for yourself for long enough now..." Scott says and i feel my pillow being ripped away to... 

"What the hell Scott!" I yell as i try to grab my other pillow, but Scott had already beat me to it... "Get up, get up, get up..." Scott says and i groan and refuse... I just bury myself in the mattrass not wanting to get up and if i lay here long enough Scott will maybe go away... It seems to work as i can hear him walk out... I sigh as i shiver. I want my sheets back but i dont feel like getting up.

But i had spoken to early as i hear Scott come back in and all of a sudden i gasp and sit up as i feel ice cold water being poured all over me... "SCOTT!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!" I yell feeling my anger rise. It does not help that Scott is standing at the edge of the bed with a face splitting grin... 

"Stop whining... You could use some freshening up... You stink dude..." Scott says and i groan and drop myself back on the bed... "Dont make me get a bucket of water..." Scott says and i groan and push myself up again.... "Why are you doing this. Just let me be..." I say and he shakes his head... "Nope... Now get up... Get a shower and i see you in the kitchen. I will order us some dinner..." Scott says and i look around... "What time is it?" I ask and Scott shakes his head... "7..." He says and i sigh... 

"I am going to the kitchen... Dont make me have to come back here..." Scott says and walks out... I sigh and look around the room. It is a mess... Junk food wrappers and empty water and beer bottles scattered everywhere... 

I hoist myself up and sigh looking around at the mess. But i leave it for what it is and drag myself in the shower. I let the water run over me and wish it could wash all the regret and self-pity away... But it doesn't... I can't stop the feeling of dread... When i am finally done with my shower and am dressed in clean clothes i make my way to the kitchen. Scott is sitting at the counter on his phone chuckling... But when i walk in he looks up and puts his phone away. 

"Feeling better?" He asks way to cheerful and i sigh... "Guess so..." I mumble and he sighs... "Pizza is on its way..." He says and goes to the fridge to get me a beer. He must have gotten some because i could have sworn my beer had run out yesterday. 

"So... Talk..."  Scott says and i look at him confused... Scott sighs... "Chris... You need to talk about it... This is not healthy... Talk to me... I won't tell anyone and i wont judge..." He says and i hang my head shaking it... "It is not that easy Scott... No matter how much i talk about it, it won't change a thing..." I groan and he sighs... "But..." Scott stuttered and i sigh and shake my head cutting him off. 

"It does not change the fact what i did in the past and it does not change the fact that seeing her again has opened the flood gates. It does not change the fact that she is pregnant with another man's baby... That she is engaged and wants nothing to do with me anymore... And yes i know that she is absolutely right to not want to... But it is killing me. I can't get her off my mind. Every waking moment and even in my dreams i think of her... If i had one wish, i would turn back time and never leave her... I would have stopped myself from making the biggest mistake in my life..." I say and Scott looks at me with big eyes... 

"Wow... That is a lot to unpack..." Scott says and i sigh... "Yeah..." I mumble and then the doorbell rings and Scott excuses himself to go and get our pizza... I sigh and take a sip of my beer... I sigh and feel this weird feeling in my chest. This feeling of dread... A sort of emotional pain you can feel throughout your body... It is like i am only just now mourning the fact that i broke of my engagement with Kate... 

In my dreams i go back to the moment i asked her to marry me. The happy feeling. The big smiles... Being so happy and feeling on top of the world, thinking life would be amazing with her by my side... But those dreams quickly turn into nightmares as i see her face when i broke it off in front of me... As the idiot i was. My panic and anxiety gotten the best of me. The idea of watching her die made it hard to breathe... I know it is selfish but back then i did not have my anxiety under control like i have now... The broken look on her face... The pain in her eyes haunts me... 

"Pizza!" Scott yells and walks in and my stomach growls. This is my first real meal since i gotten home from Tara... My diet had consisted out of chips and other snacks. Not that pizza was a real healthy meal, but it was better than what i have had over the last 3 days... 

Scott puts the pizza on the counter and we both dig in...