MissTaken || Englot || On going

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 15: 𝓕𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓸𝓸 𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓭

Engfa's POV

After that night, we had a long conversation in the car where she explained her beliefs and her perceptions of the community.

As mentioned by Char, she had always been certain of who she was—or at least, she thought she had been. She grew up in a conservative town, where traditional values were the norm, and anything that strayed from that was looked down upon. Her dad was staunchly religious, and she had been raised to believe that certain things were wrong. Among those things was homosexuality.

So when she discovered about her mom's affair with a woman, she was despised and unsettled about the thought of their relationship. As time passed, she found herself thinking they were wrong and that they shouldn't betray her dad that way.

Char even said she ran away from home because she didn't want to see her mom. She was having an internal struggle with understanding or accepting her mom's sexual diversity. It scared her.

However, Char has been saying she tried to push her feelings away, convincing herself that it was just admiration, just a strong idolisation. But deep down, she knew it was more than that. Just a simple interaction between us questioned herself as to why she felt my presence lit her world in a way no one else's ever had.

"But how could this be?" Char had always believed that being lesbian was wrong. She had even made offhanded, dismissive comments about it from her mom's past relationship, never imagining that one day she would be the one facing these feelings. So how could she possibly be in love with me?

"It felt like I was betraying everything I had been raised to believe, everything I thought I stood for..." She admitted her dislike for me ever since I first kissed her when I was drunk. 

But that same evening, after she disclosed how I kissed her when I was drunk, she found herself having a strong emotion at that time. There was something about the way I looked at her that night, something that made Char's walls begin to crumble.

"Char," I said softly, my voice carrying an undertone of concern, "you've seemed to think a lot of things right now. Is everything okay?"

She looked at me, feeling a lump in her throat. She always does this, concealing her emotions when she knows she can't keep pretending that everything is fine.

"It's nothing," Char said even though it didn't seem like she believed herself at this point.

I frowned. "You know you can talk to me, right? Whatever it is, I'm here."

Char took a deep breath, closing her eyes. The words she had been burying for so long finally fought their way to the surface. "Fa, I—"She hesitated, fear gripping her. "I think I have feelings for you."

Though I was not surprised by her feelings, the next thing stopped me from thinking for a while. "But...I already promised myself to not associate myself romantically with my clients... the memories of my past mistakes haunted me, reminding me of how easily I had fallen before. And I am scared that I will make the same mistake, scared that my feelings are clouding my judgment. But more than anything, I was scared that I might be missing out on something real because of my past. Since my emotions flare up quickly... over you,"

Reaching out, I placed my hand on Char's shoulder. "Char... it's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. I will give you the time you need to figure out your true feelings. And I promise to not go away from your side because trust me, it's hard to understand your feelings after liking a woman for the first time..."

Her expression shifted into a sense of heaviness, as though something weighing her down. "But I've said things, Fa. Things I'm not proud of. I've always thought that being lesbian was... wrong." Her heart ached.