Crazy me

Hurting

Scissors in one hand, pain killers in the other. I could either live to see another day or not. Have scars or not.  Give in to pain or not. Tears were coming down my face like nothing before. I let both of them slide from my hands and onto the bed, burying my face in my hands. The truth was so hard to accept. It was wrong. She couldn't possibly have done that. She loved me to much to do that. I could taste the saltyness of my tears. My mouth was dry and I felt weak. I just wanted to die. End the pain. But suicide doesn't end the chances of life getting worse. It eliminates the chance of life getting better. Yet it still sounded so good. Just finally getting rid of all the pain I had been storing up. I couldn't even tell mum because I wasnt allowed to have a boy friend therefore no liking anyone. But I didn't care what she said. She couldn't stop the feelings. No one could. Not even myself. And I hated it. I didn't want to like him. Because I might hurt her. But the way his deep blue eyes light up. And his sweet nature. And.......
I burst into a fit of tears. And he'll never be mine!
It has to be the truth. I knew it from the start. I knew it.
Don't die.
Why not! Why don't I! I'm pretty crazy! I don't deserve the oxygen I use. I don't deserve the food I eat.  I don't deserve the friends I have. I deserve to be dead.
It all happened when she went away. And she doesn't know the tears that have come out of my eyes. The most I have cried in a while. She hasn't seen all the texts I've sent. Hasn't been on the other side trying to convince me not to give up. But giving up would be so much easier than pushing through. I removed the scissors and the pain killers from off my bed and curled into my covers closing my eyes. I was so tired, though I was refusing to accept it. But as soon as I layed my head on my pillow I was asleep.