The Daily Diaries

Day 9057

She proved me wrong again.
She proved me wrong like she had been doing over and over. For each time I had let go of a feeling, a thought, a regret, anger, she proved me wrong. For each time I had decided to forgive and let go, she reminded me why I hardly ever could in the first place.

I had just arrived home, a place I don't want to leave and at the same time never want to stay at.
"What's that in the refrigerator, the cups, what is in it?"
My stepfather had just finished his late night snack.
"It's a spread. Mom bought it for me."
Her body language changed. Her eyes grew large and angry. Surprise and confusion covered her face.
"You asked me to!" She snapped.
It confuses me. The way she reacts to the things I say. As if everything I say that involves my mother is an insult to her.
"It wasn't a cuss word. You bought it for me, that's all I said," I replied.
My stepfather was quiet. He didn't want to interfere. If he would, I know he would defend her. He would tell me to normalise my tone. To keep my mother's feelings into account.
He didn't.
Deep down I know my mother would have wanted him to. It's what he usually does whenever I call her out on hurtful or irrational things she says.

It's like my mother has wrapped him around her finger, indoctrinated every single inconvenience that ever occurred between the two of us, and anyone she ever had trouble with, and made him into her own personal defence mechanism.
Someone who will always pick her side. Someone who knows others through her experiences.
Someone who will stand up for her, no matter what she said or how she acted.