50 Days Of Grey (#Wattys2015)

{ t h i r t y - o n e } : Facing Facts

xxvii : way
❝passage or access to something.❞

[Day 36.7]

It was dark outside when we got there. We we're on an endless road, surrounded by trees, singing along to songs of old. We turned to another road that led deeper into the trees that opened up into a clearing with a cabin in the middle. We got out of the car and I grabbed my bags as everyone else did too. You were only carrying your backpack, so you took my mom's suitcase and your mom's bag as you went outside. I found it endearing and it had me smiling as I walked inside, you were still the same guy I fell in love with. So very gentleman like.

After we had gone to our rooms (Mom and I, Aunt Lisa and Uncle Scott, Greyson and Tanner, and Samantha and Alexa) Aunt Lisa and Samantha got to cooking and the boys went to get fire wood, Mom went to bed and Alexa and I went to go ice skating on the lake.

We skated silently around the lake, the silence more comfortable than anything else. I looked around the luscious trees covered with snow around us. It was beautiful here in the winter, something I'd missed every Christmas I spent in New York. I sighed, looking at my beat-up skates smiling at the fact that Kate had chosen these for me. Those we're one of the first times I'd warmed up to her.

"So.. You're back." Alexa suddenly said. We hadn't talked once since she arrived.

"Yeah..." I trailed gently, afraid of where the conversation was leading to.

"Look, Juli. You know I love you with all my heart, and you're like a sister to me. But please... Please, I beg of you. Don't hurt him again." She said and I felt the immensity of the love she felt for her brother.

"I know you love him..." she paused thoughtfully and coughed a bit to hide her discomfort, "loved I mean and I trust that your reasons were understandable. But you coming back here... Jules. You've put the light back in his eyes. I just- if your going to leave again..."

I looked down, "I understand." I uttered somberly.

She took my hand and I looked up into her eyes. She really was like a big sister to me. I looked up to her growing up... I always wanted to be like her. It killed me to disappoint her, to hurt her... Because heaven knows you weren't the only person shocked at my exit, or hurt nonetheless.

I gave her the best fake smile I could muster and squeezed her hand. We used to be so comfortable around each other... Until things got complicated and I suddenly had to grow up, and she suddenly needed to pick sides.

"I missed you though." she whispered lovingly, and I knew that you really weren't the only person whom I hurt.

I stopped skating and faced her, suddenly wrapping my arms around her waist like I used to... Hugging her tightly, hoping this would show how sorry I was, how deeply apologetic I felt for all the trouble and hurt I'd caused their whole family. All because of love. What stupid, hurtful, selfish love...

Never test fate. I sighed again and squeezed her tighter, Alexa put her arms around me and squeezed back.

"I missed you too, big sis... I missed you too."

We continued to skate slowly around the lake, "Alexa..." I whispered.

She turned to look at me, a small warm smile gracing her lips, "Yes, little sis?" She asked teasingly.

"I promise I never meant to hurt him, even now, please know I wouldn't intentionally do so..." I said.

She sighs, "I know, I just don't understand... You two we're perfect for each other... I mean, I knew you two were having problems but were they really that bad? I know for a fact that Greyson wouldn't have ever mustered up the strength to leave you without a fight." I gulped. Ouch, that burned a little.