my almost lover

James

6 - James

No doubt about it. James Potter is in love.

And he's a bloody idiot for not realising it sooner.

A part of him tries to deny it for a while; deny the warmth in his stomach or the way his heart races when Regulus does so much as smile at him. The natural comfort the Slytherin finds in him doesn't make him want to disintegrate or fall to his knees and worship him. Absolutely not.

Except he's hopeless. His feelings for Regulus haven't changed, not in the slightest. He's just got a word for them now – a definition, an understanding. And it's completely ruined his life. No longer can he live in peaceful bliss where Regulus reaching for his hand didn't make him want to explode. No longer can he pull Regulus into a long hug without his face heating up and giving him away.

He's so painfully aware of how in love he is, he's gotten jumpy. And yet, he can't pull himself away.

He does, however, need to confess. He's absolutely certain about that. It's not fair for Regulus for them to act as they do when he has deeper feelings. Keeping it from Reg might make him uncomfortable and that's the last thing he wants to do.

However, his loyalty also lies with Sirius. His best friend.

James knows he needs to tell Padfoot how he feels about his younger brother before he does anything else. It's not a conversation he's looking forward to having.

Thankfully, when he reaches the dormitory after Quidditch practice, both Remus and Peter are there too. Good. They can stop Sirius from murdering him.

Moony and Wormtail are trading cards on the floor while Sirius lies on James' bed – Merlin knows why, he has his own perfectly good one – flipping through a magazine. None of them look up at him as he enters but there is a collective noise to show they're aware of him. Good enough, he supposes.

"Oi, Prongs," Sirius says instead of a greeting, "Who's this one? Too many names on here."

James walks over to look at the magazine page.

"Ethan Parkin. Wigtown Wanderers."

Sirius hums, "Moony, can we dress you up in this uniform?"

"No,"

"But Remus! Save a broom, ride a Quidditch player!"

"Okay!" James interrupts before Sirius can lament some more about Remus not fulfilling his role-playing fantasies, "I actually really need to talk to you about something."

No one looks at him as Peter asks, "Is this an 'I'm being dramatic' talk or an 'I need you to genuinely listen to me' talk?"

"Uh – the second one."

The shift is instant. Sirius closes the magazine and pulls himself into a sitting position and Moony and Wormtail abandon their cards immediately, turning on the floor to give him their full attention. It's always been their way – joking and playful until they needed a genuine conversation.

He adores his friends. He's petrified of losing one of them.

"Sit, sit," Sirius demands, tugging on his sleeve, "You hovering only makes you more anxious."

That is true. James flops down next to Sirius and lets the other boy drape his arm across his shoulder. Remus and Peter shuffle closer to the bed.

"What's going on, Prongs?" Remus asks.

He's a little overwhelmed, if he's being honest. But he needs to do this.

"I'm... I – I've realised something. Something which, in hindsight, should probably have been obvious," James explains, looking between them all sheepishly, "And I'm really worried it's gonna fuck things up. With us. With... with him."