𝑺𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑺 𝑳𝑰𝑳 𝑷𝑬𝑬𝑷

★ 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 - 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 ★

☹︎𝙑𝙀𝙉𝙐𝙎 ☹︎

i sat and sat for hours. i was waiting on something i dont know what. my mind was going insane. i fell more and more silent. everyday i didnt wanna talk to anybody. i dont know why i am the way i am.

people love me and care for me and i feel nothing. i felt completely void. just a human shell. i sat alone in my room. full of silence. just silence. no noise felt chaotic.

my thoughts rushed me. tortured me. i think they even killed part of me. i wasnt venus. i dont know who i am. or why i'm even here. people dont care about me. they all leave me. why do they leave me?

was i not enough? will i ever be enough? do they love me like they say they do? i dont know. i dont know what i feel. i don't know why i feel this. why do i miss him? i miss parts of him. not all.

i miss when he chased me around the house. i miss when he made me breakfast on weekends. i miss when he'd take me to dances. i miss when he loved me. us.

i miss hearing him laugh while i played. i miss hearing him tell me he loved me. i miss my dad. why do i miss him?

he told me i was a mistake. he shouldve left when he got the chance. i still hate you, but i miss you. i miss who you were. sometimes i remember the loving you.

but then i remember why im here. but i cant get away of missing you.

my chest hurt. every memory of my father loving me raced in my mind. it was soon replaced with my mother.

mommy. you were my light. my savior. my human torch. you made everything better. i miss you more than anything.

i miss when youd do cute hairstyles on me before school. i used to say i hated them but i grew to love them for you.

i miss when youd sing while you cleaned. your voice was beautiful, and now i cant hear it anymore. i dont know why dad killed you, or even your sister. you were always the best.

now i miss my mother. i missed everything about her. they took her from me. from us. they left me in this world alone.

why was it always me? why was i choosen to live this life?

"honey?" i heard brian call, i got up and opened the door staring at him. "i made dinner, wanna come eat?" i shrugged, he sighed then nodded walking away without another word.

will you hate me one day too? do i deserve to be loved? why would i? im nothing in life. what makes me any different?

but then again.. why dont i deserve to be loved? my mother loved me. my sister loved me. and deep down i knew my father loved me too. how can i say i dont deserve it? i deserve it most.

"you have a guest." brian said revealing gus standing next to him smiling.

"hi, baby." he came to sit beside me and grip me into a tight hug. "i missed you."

i leaned up and gave him a small kiss. we cuddled on the bed watching tv, but i was too distracted by my own thoughts.

what would my life be if i didnt grow up this way? could i have been a better person? would i be an addict? would i understand love and emotions? what would i look like?