I Could Start Fires With What I Feel For You

Chapter 1

Have you ever been bullied so much that you were at your breaking point? Well I have. Have you been so broken that not even your closest friend couldn't save you? Well I've been there 'cause I don't have any friends to save me.

Oh, you're probably wondering who I am? I'm Alexandria Lanford. Alex for short. You could say that I'm labeled the emo of the school. But you mostly hear about the emo's being guys, right? Well I'm also one of the head cheerleaders. Sucks to be me.

My parents don't care that I cut or tried to commit suicide. You may be thinking 'How do her parents not care?' Well the answer is that the woman that gave birth to me now no longer cares for me thanks to her husband, my step dad. He abuses me while my "mother" just stands behind him with an evil smile.

BANG BANG BANG!!

Oh no, their home. I come out of the bathroom and sit on my bed knowing that I can't run away from this.

"Alexandria open this Goddamn door!" Charlie yelled from outside my bedroom door.

"It's unlocked." I yelled back.

And that's when hell broke loose in my bedroom. Charlie kicked the door open and stalked toward me, causing me to back up further onto my bed and my back being against the wall. I know during these beatings it only makes it worse to show fear, but I can't help it.

He pulls me off the bed by my hair and drags me to the floor where he starts to punch and kick me until I'm black and blue. He kicks me in my ribs, punches me in my gut, and my face, and there's blood everywhere.

When he's done he moves away and I can see a glimpse of my so-called-mother standing in my doorway with a wicked smile on her face. What happened to the sweet woman I knew before my real dad died? She was always so happy and caring, but when this monster who is now my stepdad came into her life and they got married, she's turned into a monster also.

He turned her against me, said that I was a liar and that I was a whore. The truth is, is that I'm a virgin and if he knew, he'd find a reason to beat me for it.

Once they leave, I slowly make my way off the floor and into the bathroom that is connected to my bedroom. In the bathroom, I start running the bath faucet for a shower. I slowly peel the clothes I'm wearing off of my body and get into the shower.

Once I'm in the shower, I wash my hair and inspect the bruises that are forming on my stomach and sides. I pull the blade that I have hidden under the shampoo bottle and slide it across my stomach, five times, on my wrists, six on each, and on my thighs, ten on each, close to my knees. 37 cuts in all. Not even close to the high amount last night. 108 last night.

After the cuts stopped bleeding, I got out of the shower and got dressed in a All Time Low tee-shirt and some black sweat pants. Then I went over to my nightstand and grabbed my phone because I noticed that there was a flashing light meaning I got a message. When I turned my phone on, there were two new messages. Both from unknown numbers.

Unknown- Why don't you just go drink bleach and kill yourself? It'd be a favor to the the rest of the world.

Unknown- Why do you even bother coming to school? Just end your life, it'd lighten everyone else at school's mood!

Harsh.. But I knew exactly who they were from Sydney and Janny. The head Bitches at the school. Weird thing is, is that the name of my school is Skole High.. the founder was Kenith Skole, so yeah.

I was a cheerleader before being kicked off the squad because they saw the scars. I'm glad though, all but two of them were straight bitches.

Anyway after I read those messages, I turned my phone all the way of and plugged it into the charger. After I did that, I grabbed my iPod and earbuds and listen to my favorite bands. My favorite bands are All Time Low, Panic! At The Disco, Ghost Town and My Chemical Romance. What's my favorite song? I have one for each band but my overall favorite is Dear Maria, Count Me In by ATL. my others are Nicotine by P!ATD, In Flames by Ghost Town, and Welcome To The Black Parade by MCR.

After I've been listening to music for a while, I turn it off and go to sleep.

*.*.*

I woke up at dawn like usual and quietly take a shower. When I get out of the shower, I get dressed in a black ATL tee and ripped black skinny jeans. Some people hate me because I'm too skinny, others because of my scars, others because of how fat I was in freshman year and how I'm so thin that you can see my bones almost perfectly in Sophomore year.

Its because my mom stopped caring to feed me so I starved and because I had started to starve myself. As you might tell, everyone bullies me, and as you know, Charlie (my stepdad) beats me. These things really get to me.. Sometimes the bullying at school isn't always just words and name calling, sometimes its physical like me getting beat up.

After I'm dressed, I grab my black oversized hoodie and bag and went downstairs. In the kitchen I grabbed an apple and I realized that I had left my phone upstairs. I went back upstairs and grabbed my phone and checked the time 6:05... the usual time. As quiet as I can be I made my way back downstairs. Then I made my way outside and started the walk to school. When I got there, no one was there as usual so I sat down in the shadows so when the school gates opened no one would be able to see me.

I set the alarm on my phone for 7:15 so I could get into the gates by the time people start coming into the parking lot. Then I drift into a dreamless light sleep.