You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 18

Chris pov...

"How could you have left her alone!" I say frustrated pacing up and down in Tara's kitchen... It has been a few hours and Kate still is not back. After Tara called me i got into the car immediately and drove over her... 

"I needed to do some groceries Chris! She was asleep! I thought she would be okay...  I was just gone for an hour... " She says back and i sigh... "You should have called! I could have been here..." I say and Tara sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose...  "Chris...." She sighs and i groan... "Dont give me the, i dont know if that is smart bullshit... I would have stayed downstairs... Hell i would have stayed outside if that was needed... But you should not have left her all alone..." I say in frustration...

We hear the front door and Tyler walks in... "Well, she is not at the cemetery and not at the house... The police have not seen her, but they will look out for her..." Tyler says and he hugs Tara... "I can't believe this... What is she thinking... I was only gone for an hour... She was asleep..." Tara says sobbing into Tyler... 

I sigh as i feel guilty now... Tara is in tears and i know she is just as worried as me... "How did she leave anyway... Her car is still in the driveway..." I say and Tyler shrugs his shoulders... "I have no clue but If she is on foot, she can't be far... I drove around the neighborhood and asked around... Nobody has seen her..." He says and i sigh... "You know what... I am going to look around with Dodger... I need to do something... I can't just sit here and do nothing... Call me if she shows up, or if you hear something..." I say and Tyler nods...

"You to..." He says as he still holds Tara... Tara is still sobbing and i sigh... "Tara... It will be okay... We will find her... I am sorry for what i said... I am just worried..." I say and she nods but does not look at me... 

"Come on Dodger..." I say and walk out... I sigh and stand on the driveway... I am looking around and wonder where she would go... There are two ways to go... The way towards the city... To civilization or the way to the woods... Something tells me she would not go to were people are... It scares me... I still did not tell Tara what i think i saw her say... She was already scared and worried, i did not want to have her panic even more. 

So, i walk towards the woods. Dodger thinks it is just a normal walk... He walks around sniffing and chasing leaf's and searching for squirrels... I am on edge... Scared for what i will find if i manage to find her... Dodger seems to pick up on my mood as he checks in on me more often than normal... I can't stop thinking about the worst-case scenario... Her car is back at Tara's... Her phone... Her purse... Everything is back at Tara's... She left everything and that worried me... It was like she did not need it anymore... 

I walk for about an hour... I am getting deeper into the forest.  I am losing faith that i will find her... Who knows if she is even here. What if she had gone the other way... But then i recognize something... This little trail... I feel a little sliver of hope... I remember it from a time i was here with Kate... We were house sitting Tara and Tylers house... Well dog sitting... They had this old dog... Before they had the kids.... Yeah... This must be it... I remember this... We found this and it led to this little open space... She loved it... She said it was magical... 

I follow the path... I keep walking. I worry that i am going the wrong way... In my mind i should be at the little open space by now... But it has been such a long time ago... I have never been back here after that day... Dodger is running in front and all of a sudden, he stops in his tracks... He looks back at me and then i see the open spot... 

I let out a sigh of relief... There she is... Sitting in the middle of the open spot... Alive... I watch her for a second while pulling out my phone... I quickly text Tara that i found her. She is sitting in the sun looking up at the sky... The sun that is coming through the trees frames her... It is like it is trying to beam her up... I sigh... I dont want to scare her... She seems cold... Even in the sun... It is getting colder out... The sun is still out but there is a chill in the air... 

Dodger is already distracted by something... I think he found a squirl... I walk up to Kate who is sitting with her back turned towards me... I take my jacket off so i can put that around Kate when i reach her... I walk closer and clear my throat to let her know i am here. The last thing i want is to scare her... She doesn't turn around... She just looks up at the sky the sun lighting her face perfectly... Even now she is beautiful... She looks tired and i can see she has lost weight... But still beautiful... 

"Kate..." I say and she sighs and hangs her head... "You have everyone worried..." I say as she does not answer me... I reach her and drape my jacket around her, and she immediately wraps it around her... "Sorry..." She mumbles and i take in a deep breath... I check in on Dodger before i step closer and sit down next to her... I make sure that there is some space between us as to not overstep... 

She looks up at the sky again... "How mad is everyone...?" She asks and i sigh... "Nobody is mad, Kate... We are just worried... You scared us..." I say and she takes in a deep breath... "Sorry..." She says and a tear runs down her cheek... "Kate... Can i ask you something..." I say and she shrugs her shoulders... I need to know... Even if she is going to lie... I will know... I know her and i know if she will lie to me... "Kate... Can you please look at me..." I whisper and she slowly turns to look at me... Her cheeks are tear stained... Her face is puffy and red, and she looks so tired and just numb... 

"Kate... Do you plan on hurting yourself..." I whisper before holding my breath... I am scared for the answer... The idea of losing her is scary... I know that i haven't had her in my life for so long and maybe i dont deserve to have her in my life... But the idea of living in a world where she is not, is unbearable... 

"It has crossed my mind..." She says and her answer floors me as i had not expected her to say this... Part of me had thought she would say no... It is not a full yes... But is not a no either... 

"Please dont..." I whisper and she gives me a little pained smile... Just as she is about to say something Dodger runs up to her and he is all over her... She lets him and he calms down and he plants himself in her lap... She buries her head in his fur... "Hello doggo..." She whispers and hugs him tighter... Dodger looks at me with that big dog smile on his face and i smile at him and pat his head... "Good boy..." I say and he sneezes... 

"Kate... I know you are hurting..." I start to say but before i can say anything else she interrupts... "I can't breathe... I can't breathe in that house, Chris..." She whispers...