Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Part 1

Calvin glanced in Dat's direction, blushing when he noticed he was already burning holes into the side of his head. Calvin's breath hitched at his attention, and he placed his back on the steering wheel. He knows better than to act this way around his friend, but with Dat, it was different. It was something about him that made him feel safe and vulnerable; just being around him brought him pure joy. They could sit in silence for hours and still enjoy each other's company because they were friends, and that's all they'll ever be to each other: friends.

The Smiths, Accept Yourself, and the vehicles zooming by filled the silence between the two men. Neither of them having anything to say, Calvin focused on the road—relaxing his right arm down on the rest—while Dat scrolled away on his phone, probably watching a stupid video. They were both focused on their own tasks at the moment before the car came to a stop at the light. The street was empty, with them being the only ones there, the pebbles of water falling on the windshield, and the song changing to You've Got Everything Now, still by the same band. Their interests were different, and they only bonded over the Smiths; it's how they met and it's how they'll end.

Should I tell him? The silence is killing me. Does he feel the same? I wonder if things will change between us. I hope not... So many thoughts ran through Calvin's head that he didn't notice the light turning green. The car that pulled up behind them let out a honk and passed them, giving a mug face to Calvin. The man, embarrassingly, continued on the road,turning up the music to distract himself from his thoughts about Dat. It was wrong; he just wanted to know if the person next to him felt the same.

While Calvin was in distress, Dat was laughing at YouTube shorts while texting a friend of his. Something his friend said made him burst out laughing, catching Calvin's attention. "Ahaha, Calvin, Aiden just sent me this funny video of a dog wearing a wig." He was back to his obnoxious laughter, which even overpowered the car radio. Sooner than later, Dat calmed down and was back texting Aiden.

Aiden was a person that Calvin tolerated; he didn't like it, but he didn't dislike him either. There was one thing Calvin just couldn't stand:how close he was to Dat. It was possessive and wrong of him, but whenever he listens to Dat talk about Aiden, something changes. He stops engaging in the conversation and only nods to questions or to convince the other party he was listening; he wasn't and couldn't. This was before Calvin realized, well, that he had feelings for his friend, and Aiden was one of the reasons, so he can't be that bad. But there was something about Aiden—other than his interaction with Dat—that he just didn't like, and Calvin's intuition is never wrong—sometimes.

Aiden joined the friend group around 4 months ago; he was the one who approached the group of young adults at Schramms Lunch Room, a joint they love to hang out with. "Is anyone sitting here?" It was Aiden who asked, pointing to the empty seat next to Kathy. She lets out a questioning humming sound and looks around at everyone. "Someone is already sitting there, but you can pull up a chair next to us if you want," Calvin said. Aiden's face lit up, and he sat exactly next to Jeremiah—the empty seat belonged to him—and across from Calvin. It was awkward at first. A random stranger that you had never seen before in your life asked you to sit with your friends. Of course, it was awkward for everyone, but despite the awkwardness, the day went by quickly, and it was time to depart. Kathy and Jeremiah left together, and the ones that remained outside the building were Aiden, Calvin, and Dat. The air was super awkward between the three men, especially Calvin; usually, after the others leave, it's always Dat and Calvin. They would go to another spot together and play games together until the other went home, and even after that, they would play before going to sleep.

To Dat, Aiden was just another person to befriend; with another Asian person in the group, he felt that they could be more comfortable around each other. "Do you play Clash of Clans?" practically shouting at Aiden, Dat pulled out his phone and went to the app "Let me get your ID, bro," he laughed. Aiden laughed and exchanged gaming IDs with Dat before checking the time. He said his goodbyes and left. "Now I have two people to play the game with." He chuckled, and Calvin let out a tiny "yea" with a dry laugh.