Behind the screen / H.HJ Centric (HIATUS)

Hwang Sohyang.

1 month later.

Was I getting better? Yes . I indeed was getting better and all I wished for was that it will hold on . The voices were getting quieter and I could eat at least a protein bar ... maybe half of it . But my mind still made me cry and scream at night for help . 

Thrice a week I had the urge to cut or burn myself which I eventually did at the end because , no one can get better this quickly . 

,,Okay guys , the tour will start tomorrow . Your first concert will be in Seoul , the second one also . The second country will be Japan , then France , Italy and so on . You won't have a soundcheck this time , the concert will begin at 7pm until 9:30pm . See you tomorrow." Manager nim stood up from his desk , grabbing his paper stuff before walking outside the room . 

There was a short silence filling the air until everyone stood up , lastly , me . I have gotten slower - my body aching when making quick moves but no one noticed yet . No one noticed as I hissed during practice and how I held my chest to steady my breath and putting pressure on the killing pain . 

I closed my eyes , inhaling the cold air of Seoul . Being the whole day inside the company is tiring and will make you forget how good air feels like actually . I enjoy moments like this because I always used to sit in my room or inside a building the whole day , to lazy to go outside . But every time I go outside , I notice how healing it actually is .

The way the wind brushes thru your hair and embraces your hot body . How light you feel after just one big inhale of the fresh air . 

,,Hyunjin , you coming ?" I looked in front of me , meeting the big eyes of Bangchan . A deja vu playing inside my head as I nodded , increasing my speed and hopping into the van . 

The beige leather seats slowly started to annoy me . 

I leaned my head against the window , looking outside and admiring the blooming trees at the side walk . Couples holding hands , kids walking home from school and so on . I sigh , closing my eyes and crossing my arms in front of my chest . 

The loud but soft music that blasted from the radio made me relax , letting myself feel sleepier . Eventually I fell asleep . 

------

,,No Jeongin , In yeop will not come today ." I rolled my eyes , taking a seat on the grey couch . The younger boy followed me with a pout on his lips . No , they still do not know that I am in a relationship , well I think so . 

Things with In yeop are going well , we got even closer after that night and I feel like I can open up whenever I want to . 

We had a fight a week ago but apologized the day after . Even tho it was a small argument , I still couldn't help myself and cry that night . I was scared that I may mess things up again or that In yeop would never forgive me . 

I actually think the reason why I am getting a little better is because of In yeop - my relationship towards the members not changing at all . 

,,But why Jinnie ? I wanna play Mario cart." After the incidence that happened while playing Mario cart with my friends , I haven't touched the controller since then . I did not want to experience that feeling once again and I for sure do not want to mess up the mood of the others .