The Life I Was Given

Chapter One: Kassie Hart

I cannot fathom love. I do not understand love. How to give nor receive it. People say love is what holds our world together. But what even is love? A connection? But if love is supposed to be so great, why does it hurt?
My mom is the only person I truly love. I believe she is the only one who loves me too.
Being an only child, you would think you would get love from both parties— the father and the mother. Both my parents are in my life, but my father holds this unreasonable hatred towards me. My mom tells me that it's nothing, that he just isn't the loving type. But I think it goes deeper than that.
My life has been standard for the most part. A middle class family who has it good. Besides my father's gambling problems that is. We are happy— me and my mom at least. My mom and I spend most of our days together. She doesn't want me to leave, and I don't want to go. So it works out.
Though my father is apart of my life, he is rarely home. I think if my mom was here by herself all the time, she would go insane.
She is my stone wall; the thing that keeps me going most of the time. But I'm her stone wall too. We all need somebody to lean on. My mom is my best friend, doing things for me that nobody else will. And I love her with every part of me.
My father on the other hand looks down upon me. He always finds things against me, throws the blame in my direction. I don't understand why, I didn't do anything to him.

* * *

The bright purple nail polish I brushed on just two days ago has been chipped away by my aggressive nail biting. My mom and dad have been arguing a lot recently. I can't hear exactly what they have been saying, but I do know it's about me, and I know it's my dad's doing.
My mom usually stands up when my father starts bitching to me, but I haven't heard this much of a fight in years. The last big one was when my father lost most of our saved money while playing poker. My mom didn't talk to him for days. I don't know what he did to get her talking again, but he put together something she liked.
But whatever he has done this time is much bigger. They have been at it for days straight, and when they aren't arguing, the house is silent. The tension being around them is like being crushed by rocks. I'll never be one to break the silence. I'm too worried that if I say something, it will send them both off the hooks.
I've locked myself up in my room, the constant yelling taking a toll on my head. I've had a headache for almost two hours at this point and all I want to do is sleep.
Now on the verge of a nice nap, a hard knock echos through my room. Not helpful to my ever growing headache.
Another knock rings through but a little harder this time. With no choice to stay silent, I reply with a simple "Yea...?"
My voice is groggy and hoarse after not speaking for hours on end.
My father's voice is what truly wakes me up. Strong and demanding, no room for questions echos through my room.
"Get out here now. We have things to discuss."
I try to remember if I got done all my chores last night. I called it early because I couldn't stand listening to them, let alone being in the same room.
I pull my covers to the side, freeing my legs from their warmth. I stand up and walk around to my bedroom door, simultaneously stretching my legs.
My hand is on the doorknob, about to turn it to open the door when my dad speaks again.
"Goddamnit Kassie, we don't have all day. Let's go."
I open the door and stare up at him. "It takes a few seconds to walk from my bed to my door dad."
I can hear the attitude in my voice, and I know he can too. But it's not my attitude that bothers him. Apparently being in bed all day makes him think I'm lazy.
"Why were you in bed. You should be doing shit around the house with your mother."
Oh, those words anger me so much. It's not like he ever does anything around the house. The only thing the guy does is spend money.
I'm about to respond when I hear my mom's soft voice from somewhere behind my dad in the living room.
"Come on guys, would you stop going at each other for a few minutes so we can figure out what we are doing?"
What we are doing? What does she mean by that? The fuck did my dad do, sell our house?
I look up at my father, a growing confused and worried look spreading on my face.
"Dad-"
"Go sit down Kassie."
I stand still for a second, my hand still on the door knob before I walk past him into the living room.
My mom looks tired, like she hasn't slept in days. She watches me as I sit down on the couch across from her. My father opts to stay standing where both me and my mom can see him.
"Go on Stanley, tell your daughter what you have done."
My heart drops. Mind spinning. Pulse racing.
He looks down, not ashamed, annoyed.
"A man I play poker with has a son who needs a wife. In return we are receiving a great load of money. I told him you were a good choice."
My eyes widen in total shock. My fucking dad just sold me off to some random guy.
"You did WHAT!!?"
The amount of anger and hurt has totally pulled me into a down spiral.
"Are you fucking insane dad. I just turned eighteen and you are selling me off!?"
My mom stands up from the couch she was sitting on and walks over to me. Pulling me into a tight hug.
"Do not talk to me like that." His voice has become lower. But he doesn't have a right to be mad. He just told me he is selling me off to a man so he can get more money.
I have never felt so hurt in my life. I knew my father had weird views and bad morals, but this is a whole new level.
"Are you kidding me dad. Is this a joke? Why are you doing this? What did I do to you to deserve this?"
"Enough Kassie. You will be getting married, we need this money. Stop being a fucking drama queen."
I stand from the couch and stride towards him, feeling like a bull who has just seen the color red. Without thinking, I shove him with everything in me. It won't fix anything, it won't fill the hole he just dug for me. But it sure as hell will make me feel better.
I hear my mom gasp from behind me, before I feel a hand connect sharply to my left cheek. Completely throwing my balance off.
I land on the floor in front of my raging father. Tears swell in my eyes as realization hits. My father just slapped me with full force.
I feel my mom's presence close in behind me, but I can't take my eyes off my father.
My cheek feels numb and tears are sliding down my face and neck, but I feel paralyzed. Can't move my body nor my gaze.
I hear yelling, screaming, curses and footsteps as my mom leaves the room. Leaving me and my father alone.
I stand. My vision zeroing in on my bedroom door and the distance between it and I. The only thing I can hear is my heartbeat and heavy breathing as I push past my father and run to my room.
I hear my father yell my name, but I cut him off before he can continue. A loud shriek like noise coming from me, bouncing off the walls.
"STOP!"
Before my father can say anything else, I slam my bedroom door. Locking it immediately after.
I slide down my door to the floor. Pulling my knees to my chest and just crying. A growing pain eating up everything in me.
There is no escape.