Evita♡ (By FlowerGirl231109)

My Life💖 (21/02/2024)

Since i've been little i was a really anxious child. I have always struggled with fears like moving paintings, ghosts, the dark and a lot more. Maybe for you these fears seam like normal child fears.. But not all of them are...

I have been having all kinds of feelings of fears wich i can't discribe. They are forms of fears in nightmares and feelings. You just can't describe them.. And that's what i am curious about. Those feelings of fears, where do they come from? Why do i have them? I have never had any childhoodtraumas, or bad memories other then those fears and nightmares as a little girl. I have actually been growing up in anice family, loving parents, wealthy dad so i didn't miss anything..

Maybe then you are like: 'oh, but then you don't need to be so dramatic and worry all the time!' Well.. it's not like that. Evryone has there own problems and things to worry about in life. That i didn't have a bad past or a bad life doesn't mean that i never need to worry.. Remember: 'Your biggest problems and enemies in your life are inside of you' You make the problems inside your head. But that doesn't mean it's all your fault.

You can't change the fact that you are this way, but you can accept it. And that's something i've been struggling with for a looonggg time. Like, it's not that easy accepting those sides of yourselve. And to live with it is not that easy eather. Like i still remember when i was going to a counselor at my high school. I told her a lot about myself and what i was struggling with. At that time i was still an open book, that means that i told her way to much about myself. I understand thatmaybe you can't imagine telling someone so much, well... that's me i guess!!

Anyway, i still remember her telling me that i just needed to let go of those thoughts and enjoy my teenage life like others around me. I was like, but it's not that easy! I can't just let go of those thoughts and fears and live a happy life full of birds, flowers and rainboows!! She just couldn't understand me. I tried to make clear to her that even though i can't live my teenage life like other people, without worries and stress! That i still make the best of it in my own way, that i make myself happy in my own way. Well.. in the end i stopped coming to her becuase it didn't help me. She just couldn't understand me.

I hope that you understand what i mean with this. We can't alway be understood by evryone. That's something i've been struggling with too... I have always felt leftout in my class. since i was a little girl. Never felt like i belonged in a groupe or with anyone. I did have friends! But not real ones. In mu primary school i just tried to fit in. But there was agirl in my class who constantly told me what i did good or wrong. She constantly corrected me, i think that's the reason why i am so insecure.. Because she made me feel like i never did anything good and always did things wrong. Right now i have these things too. I am scared that people would find me weird or crazy. That they wouldn't like me... I ave always had the thought that i want people to like me. But i need to let that go, i need to like myself. And if others don't like me, than that's there problem not mine. Those people are not meant for me.

Coming back to feeling misunderstood.. Well, the reason why i always feel so alone is becuase i just feel misunderstood. I never open myself up for poeple my age because i know that they would find me weird or wouldn't understand me. I just want to be understood.. I just don't want to be hurt again like before.. And that comes back to my primary school life. That's why i should go with my therapist into those memories and look what the cause was of this insecurity and selfdoubt. It needs to be from something that happened in my life, right!!?

Well, i just want to tell you that your not alone in this. All teenagers and adults around the world are struggling with these kind of things ans more.. But you will get thru this. Even if it's dark and it seems like there is no light to be seen. The light will always be there, in you❤

Love ya♡♡

-Evita🌺