The heart wants what it wants.

007

TW: mentions of self harm in this chapter!!if it bothers you please be careful and just skip this chapter or past the part I will put another warning before the scene.

It was 8 in the morning and Louisiana woke up feeling around in her bed for jj sighing out not feeling him. She checked her phone and saw a text from jj that he left a hour ago to help pope with something. She got up and grabbed her things to shower and yawned out rubbing her eyes. Kie and Noah had left with Jj as well and her father was at work. Louisiana could hear her mother moving around in the kitchen and such. She was a lot more quiet than normal but Lou didn't think much of it. She finally got to the bathroom and turned the hot water on waiting for it to get hot.

After about five minutes the water was hot and Lou got in washing herself letting out deep breaths. TW!!!!
Lou was a pretty bubbly and happy girl most of the time. But sometimes she got sad, and she didn't know what to do with those feelings sometimes so she would take it out on herself. She tried to stop but she didn't know how to. She never told anyone especially her family because they would probably have a heart attack as a whole. She finally got out and wrapped herself in a towel walking to her room since it was just her mother here.

BIG TW!!PLEASE SKIP IF YOU DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE READING THIS!!

She had just changed into a pair of jogging shorts and a halter top. She was now using makeup to cover her scars on her for arm and thighs. She was thankful her friends never noticed the scars whenever they went swimming or got wet. Lou was finished with one arm and turned as her mother busted through her bedroom door holding a journal in hand. Shit. It was her journal she would vent about her self harm. " where is it?" Mary says already crying as she tossed the book onto her daughter's bed walking over looking at all the makeup. " mom no listen it's not what you think I swear" she says as her mom forces her to show her, her arms.

Louisiana pulls away and stands up. "Louisiana Mae!you show me now!" Mary says crying. Louisiana felt like her chest was on fire she finally gave up and grabbed a makeup wipe wiping the makeup away. "There!you happy?!" She yelled to her mother. Her mother stared in disbelief at her daughter's scars. She rushed over looking at all the scars. "How long have you been doing that?!" She cried. "Mama don't cry.."lou says as she looks away from her mother. " I don't understand! Why, why would you do that to yourself??" Mary says as she takes her daughter's hands into her own.

Louisiana couldn't do anything but stay quiet. " Is it me? Is it because of me?" Her mother asked. Louisiana was quick to shake her head "no mama no no it's not..no"she says as she looks down feeling her tears on her cheek. Her throat was on fire and she fanned herself slightly. "Is it moving here? I'm sorry I know you loved it there but I was just trying to protect you and your brother! That's all I ever wanted was to protect y'all!" Mary cried as she kissed her daughter's hand. "No it started before that.."she mumbled.

"My beautiful girl...my special Miracle baby..why?" Mary asked as she looked back up once more to her daughter. Both ladies finished their crying session and were sitting on the couch together. Louisiana had texted everyone that she would stay home with her mom for today just to  a break. Jj offered to come over but she told him she needed her time. Louisiana was leaned on her mother as they watched tv.they ate snacks and laughed just talking. Her mother always knew how to calm her down and make her happy. She turned her head to door as her father came in the door a few bags in hand.

" got the food as requested by the princess and queen!" Clayton says as he sets the fast food down in front of them as lou finishes her food she finally texted the pouge group chat telling them that she was ready for them to come grab her. She got changed and waited outside smiling seeing the Twinkie. She got in and sat down next to jj. "So! What's new?" She says as she leans on Jj slightly. "Wellll we melted the gold down to this" John b says holding the weird shaped melted down gold bars. "Who did this? They did a shit job" Louisiana says as jj gasp dramatically. " I'm sorry jj it looks amazing I'm sure you worked very hard on it" she says rolling her eyes with a smile.