Lovelorn

Chapter One : Rowan

Asher pulls the first Harry Potter movie from the stack of CDs on the bottom shelf of the dusty TV stand, and climbs under the makeshift fort we made. This is our weekend ritual. Every Friday our mothers drink wine and gossip in the dining room, and Asher and I binge any movie we can get our hands on. Asher watches the movie, and I watch him. He leans in and whispers, "We could sneak the Halloween chocolate out of the kitchen," He tilts his head, causing his brown hair to fall in front of his eyes.

"Won't your mom be mad?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yeah, but I know it's your favorite," This is what Asher is best at, making anybody feel like they're the most important person in the room. He has a way of squeezing himself into the hearts of everybody around him, it's his specialty.

"Okay, let's do it," I say. Asher crawls out from under our fort and holds his hand out to help me up. He puts up his finger over his mouth, making a "be quiet" gesture, and tiptoes across the living room carpet. I follow close behind, choking back a laugh. It's moments like this that make me grateful my parents chose to move here, any moments with Asher really. He creeps toward the bottom cupboard and I slide along the far wall of the kitchen to make sure our moms don't leave the dining room. "Got it," he whispers, holding the box of 50 assorted chocolates. We sneak back into the living room and flop down on the ground in the safety of our fort. After ten minutes of ripping open chocolate wrappers without looking up, Asher grabs my hand.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask. Asher's wide eyes lock with mine, and he asks,

"Do M&M's have peanuts in them?"

"Well the peanut M&Ms do dummy, but you would've noticed that," I say.

"I know it's just, well, my throats kinda feeling weird," He says while reading the back of the M&M package.

"Like how weird? Should I go get your mom?" I ask, panic setting in.

"Well maybe. I don't know. I don't want her to be mad at us for the candy. Just maybe stay here for a second, it might go away." He says.

"Okay. Just tell me if it gets worse." I squeeze his hand. A few more minutes of Harry Potter go by when Asher slaps his hands down on the ground,

"No, no, you definitely need to go get my mom Ro. I don't feel good." Asher says.

"Okay, I'm going. Just stay right here." I say as I scramble out of the fort and sprint towards the dining room. "Mrs.Williams Asher and I, well we took the candy from the kitchen and now he says he doesn't feel good and we think he's having an allergic reaction."

"What? What were you two thinking?" Mrs.Williams yells while running to the living room where Asher is kneeling by the couch. "Asher, honey, look at me. What hurts? What is it?" She asks.

"Rowan, come to the kitchen with me." My mom says, pulling me away from Asher. I stumble alongside her, too scared to say anything. She picks up her phone out of her bag, "Yes, um my best friend's son is in anaphylactic shock. 2035 Maple street, Choose City. He is still breathing and sitting upright, I'm not sure if he can talk though. Okay, yes. Thank you." She kneels down in front of me and grabs my hands, "You need to stay in here okay? Can you do that for me?" She asks, tears in her eyes. I'd never seen mom cry before, so I just nod my head and stand there, helpless.

For the first time in my life, I can't think of anything. Anything to say, or do. Anything to feel. I should feel scared for Asher, for his mom, for myself. I should be scared at the idea of a world without him in it. But I can't feel anything. I didn't even hear the ambulance arrive. I don't register my mom picking me up and running next door to our house. All I know is now I'm laying in my bed, not crying, not sleeping, just existing. I feel the sinking of my bed, and dad pats my leg. "Hey bug, how you holding up?" he asks. I don't answer. I don't remember how to. How did I talk before Asher again? How will I ever talk after him? I don't think I can. "I know tonight was, well, it was pretty scary wasn't it?" He sighs, "He's going to be okay Ro. They just want him to stay the night to make sure." I don't know when, but at some point I must've started crying. Dad brushes my hair out of my face and scoops me up in his arms, cradling me. I relax into him and cry until my eyes are so puffy I'm not sure my tears would fit out of them even if I had anymore left.

                                                                                                 ~

I must've fallen asleep at some point last night, because early this morning I woke up with a pounding head and puffy eyes. The day couldn't have gone any slower, I was counting down the hours until I could see Asher. School seemed to drag out whenever Asher wasn't there, but especially today. "Here give me that," mom says, grabbing my backpack. "How was school?"

"Boring, can we go already? I've been waiting all day," I say, buckling my seatbelt. She pulls out of the parking lot and heads towards home. I glance over and notice her eyes are puffy too. Mom never cries, which only makes me feel worse. If only we'd read the package more carefully, or hadn't taken the candy at all. This never would've happened. I don't think I can ever eat another Halloween candy in my life. We pull into the driveway and before mom even puts the car in park I fling open the door, and run up the steps to Asher's house. He opens the front door before I can, and there he is unharmed, crooked smile and all.

"You know I thought you were going to die?" I say. I didn't mean to be so vulgar, but I couldn't help it. It was the first cohesive thought I'd had about my feelings last night, and it just came spilling out. He hugs me tighter than he ever has before, and says,

"I know Ro, me too. But at least I would've died doing the thing I love most. Hanging out with you," He squeezes me once more then throws his arm around my shoulder pulling me inside with him.

"You would've ruined Harry Potter for me!" I say, hoping to lighten the mood. This was a lie, Harry Potter was already ruined

                                                                                            ~

For the rest of middle school I don't go trick-or-treating no matter how much Asher begs, and I don't help mom hand out the candy. I think about that weekend a lot, that night specifically. That was when I first realized I loved Asher Williams. The first things he ruined for me were Halloween, and Harry Potter. But even at 13, I had a feeling one day he would ruin much more than that.