Lover man (Oh, where can you be)

20

Taehyung smiles pleased and before saying anything back, he hears it. It feels like the shooting of a tank in a peaceful night. His heart stops for a moment, anxious and panicked from Jeongguk’s statement. Taehyung doesn’t know how many times he day dreamed something like this with the elder, however, while he witnesses it in reality, he cannot help becoming sad—almost nauseating with unsaid feelings and all the pleasure and passion transforms into an uncomfortable tension. “I said I love you.” Jeongguk says again and Taehyung wants to say it back so badly, but he can’t—he knows he can’t. The older one comes closer to Taehyung, bringing one of his hands to the other's abdomen—still dirty from both of their orgasms, and with his index finger caresses his pubic and hip bone, tenderly. He notices the tension, perhaps he hastened to proclaim his feelings so openly, but he had bottled his feelings for Taehyung all this time and he doesn’t want to waste any other moment, nor the person whom he had shared with. Despite that, he feels the need to apologize, “I’m sorry,” he adds in a small voice. Regret is evident in Jeongguk's eyes, he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable but sadly, it was the first thing he ended up doing. It was funny how it was him who seemed younger and naïve in the artist’s presence. "I think you need to go," Taehyung informs in a hurry, his voice stoic, but to some extent utterly broken. Jeongguk looks at him, of course he does, but he cannot utter a word. This was unexpected as hell. Jeongguk still feels the after bliss of their hot sex session and his legs tremble when he gets up from the bed. Taehyung observes how Jeongguk begins to dress, the words drowning and hurting in his throat. He wants to cry, to talk, to do something, but he remains motionless in his bed, covering himself with the blanket. The seconds pass and finally Jeongguk is ready to leave but unable to avoid it—even knowing where this is going, he throws a glance over his shoulder. "Thanks for tonight Taehyung, it was very special to me," he begins in a soft voice, "Although, if I had known it was just this and nothing else to you, I would’ve avoided it at all costs. I’m sorry,” Taehyung closes his eyes and feels his chin trembling. “Me too,” all the masks used tonight, deflating in an instant. All the emotions coming back to kick his ass. “I’m so, so sorry,” he laments, watching as Jeongguk exits the room and closes the door in a soft click. As soon as he’s alone again, Taehyung gives himself permission to be sad and emotional and it’s then, he begins to cry like never before.The days pass and nothing is easy for Jeongguk. He is sad and dejected, so much more than a few months ago and now the painful realization that Taehyung just wanted to sleep with him, spend a good time, but nothing more, exceeds it. Jeongguk is utterly disappointed and hurt, feeling pathetic to feel so much in such a short time, but he knew it from the start, he just didn’t want to believe it.