Jennifer..

2 years, 3 months and 1 day since I lost you.
I miss you.
Your great blue eyes and your bright green hair that you absolutely adored. your hair damaged like a birds nest but you didn't care.

The way your smile lit up a whole room full of people, the way I woke up every morning and had the blessing to call you mine, and the way your hair fell so perfectly even when you just woke up.
How is that even possible!!?

Happy birthday my love, I say as I am going to visit her today, my face is happy but deep down, I am balling my eyes out wishing and hoping for her to come back.
It's her 26th birthday and I want to make it as special as I possibly can.

I get up and put on the outfit that she absolutely adored. I hate it really. But she loves it so I'm okay with it today. I go and get the flowers out the pot that I prepared the night before. Their her favourite ones, of course, those peonies that I had searched for ages for.

I looked on my phone to check all of my messages.
I accidentally clicked on hers so I just did it.
I texted her and it went straight through to green again. Sometimes I hoped that one day it'll be blue again and she will suddenly respond with
' hi baby. ' but obviously that's just me being dumb... haha....
I scroll back on all the messages we had texted eachother when she was still here.

May 21st 2019

' hey baby! How's your day been, I'm so exited to watch your football match later today! ' she said

' my day was lovely, I am just getting ready and doing stretches before I go on the pitch, I can't text you for a bit, but I promise I'll see you after the game ' I responded

' Okay!!! I'm so exited, I love you ' she said

' I love you too, beautiful '

Those words going through my head, I start to well up and I try not to cry but I just can't contain it. It's like she was here yesterday and all of a sudden she's just gone.

I will be okay.

I am out the door, ready to spend the day with her, and I won't cry!! I promise
( we all know that's a lie )

I am walking up the street when all of a sudden my phone starts buzzing uncontrollably
BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ

I turn off my phone, as I want this to be a day for just us.
I take my legs and drag them across the pavement, trying to keep my smile big and wide.
The sun is beaming over me as if to say ' it will all be okay just keep positive' I am happy, obviously a bit sad actually, but I am going to keep happy.

I keep walking and walking until I reach a shop, I might as-well get some breakfast before I go to the graveyard, I don't want to be in any mood or make any excuses to go while I'm there like I always do.

I go into a bright coloured bakery with about 6 people in there, the people start to look at me funny, I thought it was weird but maybe that's just me being an anxious weirdo.

This little girl with pigtails that wrap around her fingers came up to me, and just stared at me for a bit. I stood there not knowing what to do so I just say " hello little girl, are you lost or anythi- "
she kicks me in the leg

OUCH. I Grab my leg as it tenses up, " VERY bad man " she says as her mum grabs her and walks away, but before they walk away the mum looks up at me as if she was about to appologise but instead looks at me in shock and walks away fast as if I had a virus or something contagious.

I start to get a bad vibe. Maybe I should skip breakfast and have something to eat later.
I pace out the shop and just keep going in the right direction

I Walk and walk and walk till I'm there.
Here we are, Staton Graveyard. In all it's glory.... I guess.

My smile fades into a frown and I feel my stomach churning like butterflies and a tornado mixed together
I can't seem to keep my peace, but I don't know why.

I walk in and close the gate behind me.

I walk across to the end of the graveyard looking down. Maybe this is a bad idea, maybe I should just go home and sleep, maybe I should-

The red and blue flashing lights interrupt my thoughts. I look up and there's a police car.

I thought it was Strange as I don't think that police cars are meant to be here.

I got up a little closer having the peonies grasped in my hand, a little bit tighter than before.

Wait a minuet... that's her grandma, and her sister. They could be visiting her but if they were why would there be a police car

I get closer to the point where they can see me,

" THATS HIM! THATS THE MURDERER! " her grandma shouts

A murderer, I could neve-

" sir "
The policewoman starts grasping her gun to the side of her belt and she starts getting closer to me.
" uhhhh, yes what is the problem miss? "
I say nervously

" your under arrest for the murder of Jennifer smith " she said in a rude tone slowly gripping her gun more clearly now.

I stop and Just Look at her blankly, my vision goes faint as I hear those words

Me?... Kill my love? My life? My reason of living? How could I ever do such a thing, they said she drowned, how could this happen?...
My thoughts being all jumbled into one not being able to think straight

I just stood there in utter shock analysing everything and anything around me, I had no thoughts, I couldn't get arrested but couldn't do anything about it so...

Just run.

I dropped the peonies and ran as fast as I could possibly run
I felt the police office just behind me running towards me.

What on earth do I do?

I run and run and run as fast as I could
I started to get tired so I slowed down more and more and more.

She starts catching up

I cant do this anymore.

I get slower

All of a sudden I hear a screech and I clasp my ears and close my eyes. I just stand there and I am to a stop as I can't move anymore. My body trembles and I feel a shock go through my whole body.

I open my eyes slowly and I see my lifeless body down on the floor
what.....
I just stare in disbelief, am I dead? I just stand still not knowing what to do

Until all of a sudden someone taps me on the shoulder and I hear my name being called.

"David!" Someone says with a quite familiar voice

I turn around slowly as I am still in shock of what happened

Jennifer?....