earlier this night my favorite group page posted a new piece. the content is all about loving someone mindlessly in its most odd but sincere way.
while reading, i got curious about something. it isn’t solely for someone you romantically love, but also for someone you are connected with. i feel like knowing you deeper as time goes by is the missing piece of unfolding something that i wasn’t aware i can do.
for you, i suppose, i oftentimes overanalyze things: i overreact, i am extremely worried, i also overcomplicate things.
in one moment, i’d be deadly bored and just busy sitting in the corner sulking because you are mad at me; however, a simple gesture from you compensates it all. how cruel is that?
how cruel the things could get? in what extent is this soft spot of me for you could extend? how often am i gonna watch you from afar, scared to draw near because you might be grumpy for the nth time today?
how absurd the things could get? that despite of you meticulously giving me that cold shoulder, i am certain—i am still sure that i’d be on my knees again when the moment you softly or swiftly tap my shoulder to indicate that i am safe to finally get myself beside you.
being with you is like a rollercoaster ride. it is a hell of a rollercoaster ride. i don’t know if i should scream, laugh, or cry endlessly out of frustration. but still, in the end of the day, i am still curious about you, i will still willingly want to be a part of you.
in order to know you better is to perfectly understand and maneuver my own desires and emotions. to recognize the abode within you is to slowly accept that you might be paradoxical in most of the times. that perhaps, you are likely an unknown cypher code yet a vigorous damsel in distress.
to know you is to be curious: understand you thoroughly, consider the things you like and dislike, to know about your favorite song in your playlist, to still recognize you in the most gentle way, to meet the root of your emotions, to identify when to touch, sniff, and hug you—and also, in order to deeply recognize you, one should know about your scent. how frequently you use it in a week. how your scent cycle changes to natural, enticing, and a baby. isn’t just weird?
is this a bit confusing as much how your emotions confuses me? am i in a sort of a mysticism controlled by you?
what i’m trying to convey is that i am right here with my presence wide open for you to embrace while you enjoy and seize the bits of moments in your life doing the things that you are curious about. i am here, sitting in the corner guarding you up but still slowly unfolding every emotions, weird reactions, and actions you give to everyone.
i’d still gladly ask if you went home safe at the end of the day in spite of not having a small time to talk with you.
the loud echoes of laughs had died, but i know for a reason that it’ll somehow reincarnate—a comforting yet awkward silence became a substitute of it. i’m in the process of knowing you, but why am i slowly distinguishing my own self?
that after all this time, even just a bit of myself, i wanna be a part of you too.
