Only you | Derek Morgan

Don't tell me what to do

L A Y L A ' S P O V

For someone who claims not to be a big crier, I'm pretty sure I've cried myself to dehydration this week.

I did eventually stop crying. I'm not sure when exactly but I'm guessing it was somewhere in between the half a dozen of self help books I've been reading.

One of those books said that heartbreak is telling yourself that you are okay and that you're stronger than this but knowing deep inside that you are still a mess. I think that's pretty fitting for how I'm feeling this morning when I convinced myself that today was the day I was going to go back to work.

But as I pull into the parking lot and almost have a full blown panic attack at the sight of Derek's truck parked in his usual spot, I realised maybe I'm not ready.

I have not heard from him once and I don't know if I expected to or if I'm happy or disappointed I didn't. I don't know anything anymore.

I've heard from everyone else though. They all sent me some sweet messages checking in on me and there was a care package left by my front door the other day and there's no surprise that it was from Penelope.

I got back to everyone's texts, vaguely, I told them that I was coming back today and that I definitely do not want to talk about it.

I flip down my visor to look in the mirror after I park. Despite how I feel on the inside, I look okay. The red puffiness around my eyes has gone down thanks to the gel eye masks Penelope put in my care package.

My heart is in my mouth the whole walk across the parking lot. I put one foot in front of the other and breathe in through the nose out through the mouth. Needless to say, I'm absolutely terrified to run into him.

The elevator opens on the sixth floor and I breathe a sigh of relief. Clear.

I step out into the hallway and stop dead in my tracks. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He's there. He's standing at the end of the hallway... talking to the receptionist from downstairs.

My heart drops when she leans in closer to him to whisper something in his ear and that's when it all clicks. The botched bleach blonde hair is the tip off. It's her. That's who I seen leaving his house.

I honestly can't even remember her name, but I know Penelope told me because she was with Anderson at Rossi's New Year's Eve party months ago.

That nagging voice in the back of my head is back, screaming that something is wrong here because I don't think anyone is that unlucky and it's too much of a coincidence that she's slept with both of my boyfriends in two different states.

I have no idea what she has against me and honestly I don't have it in me to care because if she could take him that easily, she can have him. Regardless of what it even is, Derek still slept with her. He chose to hurt me like that. Not her.

Derek clocks me first and I internally panic, realising there's no where for me to go and it's like a knife to the gut the way he stares through me, completely emotionless.

She notices me next. Her eyes give me a quick once over before her lips quirk up into the most malicious smile I've ever been on the receiving end of. Staring at me, she leans in to whisper something in Derek's ear. He nods and she links her arm through his and they disappear around the corner, out of sight.

I should go to my desk, bury my head in paperwork and forget that ever happened. I'm not going to let them get to me. He's not my concern anymore. I'm stronger than that.