breathe

chapter 12 | charlotte

Chapter Twelve

Charlotte

The thought of driving still terrified me, but I was growing more accustomed to riding as a passenger. My hands would clamp tightly around whatever they could find – the seat, the door handle – as Ben navigated turns a bit too sharply. But his calm, steady breathing and quiet singing along to the radio helped ground me in those anxious moments. I was incredibly thankful for Ben, who drove me everywhere without complaint.

Our lacrosse schedules followed a familiar pattern. Most games had Ben's team playing first while I waited nervously on the sideline, scanning the stands for a friendly face as the time ticked down.

In one particular game, Ben had already played, showered, and was sitting in the stands while my team played. The game was almost over, but I noticed Ben talking to someone in the stands. I squinted my eyes to see who it was, but I couldn't make out the figure. It couldn't have been Ash because he had baseball training.

"Char, what the hell!" My teammate, Kayla, pulled my attention back to the game, and I refocused on what I was doing. It was so easy, too easy for me to lose focus when Ben was anywhere near me.

As the team's first home, the weight of scoring fell on my shoulders. I scanned the field, waiting for an opening to emerge.

Kayla swiftly passed me the ball. I took off downfield, my pulse pounding in my ears. Feinting left, I dodged past a defender, barely keeping my footing. Another lunged at me from the side – I dropped my shoulder and spun away.

"Shoot, Char!" My other teammate, Lindsay, shouted. I drew my arm back and released. The ball soared, hitting the back of the net just as the final buzzer rang out. Relief and elation coursed through me.

My teammates swarmed, engulfing me in a hug pile. Grinning, I found Kayla in the mess of limbs and high-fived her, adrenaline still buzzing in my veins.

"Awesome job, guys!" Devyn, our goalie and team captain, exclaimed. Coach Sam gave us her typical end-of-game pep talk, beaming with pride, and told us to hit the showers.

I jogged over to Ben, my heart swelling with relief to find him alone on the sidelines. But as he grinned and swept me into a spinning hug, nerves fluttered in my stomach – I could sense an unease behind his eyes.

"You were great, love," he said, setting me down.

"Thanks," I smiled. "Hey, who were you talking to?" I asked.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Actually, my dad showed up. He apologized and wants me to come home."

My smile froze in place, taking physical effort to maintain. "What... what did you say?"

Ben beamed, still processing the apology himself. "I can't believe it. I've missed my family." He wrapped an arm around me, oblivious to the fear gripping my heart.

I forced lightness into my tone. "That's amazing, Ben. You deserve to be with them."

But I was fucking terrified. Ben hadn't really left my side since Thanksgiving. It'd been three and a half months of him living with me and Mom. How the hell was I supposed to go from having him around all the time to nothing? He filled a void that I hadn't realized had been missing my whole life. Him leaving would break me.

"You okay?" he asked, squeezing my shoulder as we stopped in front of the girls' locker room.

"Yeah," I replied, putting on a brave smile. "I'm really happy for you. I'll be quick." I kissed his cheek and pushed open the locker room door on unsteady legs.