The general's unrequited love story

Oneshot maybe?

Mc name is Zhen Shen-xuan (shen-zhuan) general of the south

Being in love . What does it mean for someone that is discriminated by many ? For liking the same gender. But what more could they say if the one that is discriminated against is a general of the south who has won and strategised in many wars . Won by bloody corpses of sacrificed comrades . A war to ensure the safety of the people . A woman general . The one leading the troupes to victory is a noble-life born to lead , Zhen Shen-xuan.

Here lies the story of her diaries left behind for people to look and ponder on what's up with her life . The unrequited love story written in a diary-like state left by the general who died by leading a victory of the last war against the people of the west that waged a war because of their greed towards money , gold and riches

Diary no1

Today was a-xuan's first day of entering the academy of the cultivation world . The journey of me becoming a good guy is closer !! Many thanks to beloved father who praised me and a-yan ( ming liuyan) together and deemed us worthy enough to attend the academy! . What does the highly talked about acadamy would look like one would wonder ? It surely would look very magnificent and breathtakingly beautiful right ? for such a money grabbing school one has to dream a little even if it's false ~ .

Memory recollection [ 32%]

"Wake up . She's not your girlfriend" said by the one in the mirror. Me. General of the south . Strongest woman . Highest noble . The cold general . A failure of a friend Zhen shen-xuan.....

Having a relapse and the mind thinking of a phrase being repeated to make you think about whether it's true or not . Repeated sentences are playing again while the head is feeling like it would burst out in any minute.

She likes a boy  she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy
She likes a boy she likes a boy

And im NOT a boy im not a BOY

Crying with hair being tangled against eachother , being in despair because the one she love is being married now to another . A boy . A guy . The one she likes . The one she picked . A guy . A GUY !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why

"im not a boy im not a....." repeatedly said by the general but suddenly stopped for a second or two and then got continue yet again by the sound of wailing  . she cries again and again . Being drunk after the wedding ceremony does wonders one would say. For the stoic general to cry because of an unrequited love is a feat that people would pay to see

"Why am i hurting ??"  "Why...." " WHY ??!!"
Shouted the general in her homely abode that's not close to any other room (for the sake of privacy)

Incomprehensible words are sometimes being shouted loudly by the drunk general. Her true thoughts is now being said . The thoughts that she kept throughout the wedding by herself

Why would god create me with an illness like this ? Why ? Can you please take it with you ? I am suffering so much...can this unrequited love begone please....a love for someone whom i cherish the most. My beloved a-liuyan .My best friend. My childhood love that lasted even till im an adult . 

The times of childhood is now being replayed from the general's drunk brain

A-yan is talking about her life studies and how she would hope to be married very early as to why , that is her one and only true dream. Managing the dowry and the palace very tidily . Being a good wife and finding the right person to marry . And then all of a sudden. She talked about him . The son of a minor minister . I do not know why but my throat feels bloated when she talked about him . I cant speak all of a sudden. My eyes feel very dry . And then a-yan said something about how tall and dreamy his height is compared to how small she is next to him . Is my height not taller than him a-yan ? Its not fair.... Why do you always talk about him and not me . Its not fair.... He is someone who plays around with many girls . He doesnt suit your pure hearted beauty . He would not make a good husband for you . He acts like an heir but is not one at all . Not even a choice . He doesn't even know how to wield a sword properly let alone ride a horse to protect you . What does he have that i dont ? Can i not be your muse instead? Of all the things considered. The thoughts of my early academic days with a-yan is now being replayed again . Ah.....

Unsaid thoughts of the past is now being said by my drunk self 

" why am i even jealous. I should be happy for her to find a preferred person very early in life..."  making comparisons towards him and i . Like i have a chance to be with her . "This situation is quite miserable for me indeed " said the general while fat tears are dropping down to her clothes one by one.

"Looking back at a memory from the early days of the academy is very nostalgic . I hate it but at the same time..." *sighs* It's like tasting a lemon only juice and knowing it's gonna be very sour but you kept on drinking it and reminisce about it because on that memory, YOU drank it with a person you liked very much . In a memory way far back . Stashed in the farthest box of the mind . Far into the corner of dark memories that you keep . You want to cherish it but at the same time wanting it to be erased out of your mind . being trapped in the endless abyss of worrying what to do with this feeling . Is it bad or is it a misunderstanding?
Maybe it is just a rebellious feeling since you were a child at that time but alas , that feeling still remains even after you haven't seen her in nearly 5 years . You still love her dearly .The love that you kept on having towards her isn't even supposed to exist , yet...You still kept it .

Even 10 years later you still don't know what this feeling is . Wanting to let go of a kite but worrying it will flew away but if you kept the kite, the kite will eventually starts to hurt you through the string because of the strong winds pushing it away to the cloudy skies of the earth . Blue in name and very pretty to look at . But the stunning heat will eventually burn the kite away if you're not careful with it . Meanwhile the kite will feel a burst of happiness while flying towards the sky not knowing the ending that awaits it . The kite will just be all happy thinking about how maybe this is what freedom tastes like ? .

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
A/N : if i have some spelling or any grammar mistakes pls let me know 😓 since this is just a story that i've wrote in an instant bcs of a song that has been replaying in my mind called "she likes a boy" by Nxdia  . This story is purely a fictional reality

I drew the characters first before i made this story so maybe i will post some arts of them in here but idk