Abby Normal

Heart Sinker

This contains some self harm, and references to abuse. Be aware of this before you proceed.

Thank you

Holden tapped the secret knock that Serena had insisted upon when they had begun their relationship. He pushed the door open shortly afterwards. All the lamp lights that had been dimly lit before- to create a romantic ambiance- were switched off. Natural lighting from the clouded sky swathed the room in a ghostly glow; it was this light that allowed Holden to see Serena crouched in the corner of the room.

"Serena?" he half-whispered, making her name sound more like a question as he cautiously stepped closer toward her.

"Serena," he called again "answer me." He stood in front of her, she took no notice whatsoever. Her small frame was crouched into the darkest corner of the room and the edge of the crimson velvet curtain was draped around her shaking shoulders. She hugged her legs with a force and her tiny hands were balled into tiny, bone white fists. Wide eyes were far away from reality and if it hadn't been for the tremble of her pouty lips and her gently rocking back and forth Holden might have believed she was dead.

Holden's heart caught, and for the second time that night he was reminded that Serena was a child in so many ways. He sat beside her brushing the curtain away and replacing it with his arm instead. "Baby, what is it?" his voice gentle as he nestled her into him, Holden absently stroked his palm over the prickly brown hairs that stood over her scalp. She shivered under his touch and was still staring off into nowhere when she said,

"What if they tell everybody? What if they show everybody? Who was it Holden? Who was it!?" She had become hysterical her voice rising in octaves with each question.

"Hush" Holden cooed, pressing his cheek against her head and rocking forwards and backwards, with her when she began hyperventilating.

"Calm down, everything will be okay" She tense beneath him and suddenly sprung away from his touch, her eyes wide, nostrils flared.

"Okay? Did you just say everything will be okay?" Serena's voice was bordering on a screech.

"Sorry," he said, not lowering his gaze from hers. He knew what was coming next and he didn't try to stop her when she crumpled to the ground and began her monologue.

"Everyone always says it's going to be Okay," she practically hissed the word, treating it with the same manner as an abomination. She rocked forwards and backwards her doe eyes filling with tears. It took everything in Holden's will power not to move closer and hold her tight. He knew that even if he did this was inevitable, and she only became angrier when he got closer.

"All of them said it was going to be okay. Even you," her voice broke on the last word but she continued. "They lied, all of you lied. Because nothing, nothing, will ever be okay. I will  always remember..." she cut her speech short today and just let her tears burn her skin as they fell hot and gushing.

"I would never lie to you Serena, you know me better than that. Everything has to get better because things can't possibly get worse. We have each other, that's something right?" he thumbed away the tears from her sallow face.

"I can't lose you, I need you." Serena's vulnerability in that moment seeped into her words.

"We'll get through this." Holden grasped her hands and was so sure of himself that a flicker of hope lit up Serena's eyes.

"Together." her smile wobbled. It was evident that she was doing everything in her power to keep it together. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths to calm herself. Kissing both of her lids he said words that were much needed but that had been forbidden (by none other than Serena),