SPECTER [Ghost FanFiction 18+]

XI| Show me

[Emilia Soranzo]

"Where are we going?" I asked as Simon opened the car door for me.

Simon smiled "To get you a proper hamburger."

I grinned "With lots of fries and soda?"

"As many as you can eat," he leaned down to peck my cheek. "Get in before I regret my decision, which is about to happen–"

"I'm getting in!" I jumped into the car.

Simon chuckled as he closed the door for me. Once he was in the driver seat, he allowed me to choose the music, and I chose some random jazz playlist I found in his downloads.

"I'm sorry we have been unable to keep our word," Simon said. "We shouldn't have promised anything knowing the nature of the situation."

His apology made me feel tranquil, in a way, because I can clearly see he cares more now – beyond the mission. Yes, having sex means we were physically closer, but that doesn't mean he has to care more about me, and yet he does; which probably proves me wrong on my initial thoughts about him. However, no one can blame me for thinking he's cold and cares for nothing but himself.

A deep sigh escaped my lips as I leaned back on my seat, keeping my eyes forward "Have you ever thought about having a family beyond your team?"

Simon hummed, seemed to be giving it a thought "Why do you ask?"

"I have," I said. A lot of our conversations stem from questions he doesn't want to answer and to get an honest response from him, I open up first. "After the miscarriage it's been constantly in my mind; I keep on wondering if it'll happen again. It's scary – the thought of being pregnant again – because it comes with the unbearable possibility of losing the baby again...what man is ever going to love me if I can deliver as a woman? Carson clearly won't."

"Emilia, what happened doesn't make you less of a woman. Maybe the pressures you've suffered are to blame for false belief, but the miscarriage didn't obliterate your womanhood. Do you really think being a woman is based on the ability or lack thereof of having a baby? I know highbrows have quite set gender roles, but I never thought you were that old-fashioned." Simon explained as he kept his eyes on the road.

"I only hold myself to those standards, not anyone else," I cleared. "I know it might be stupid–"

"It is," he glanced at me with a slight smile. "It's stupid to hold yourself to these high and ancient standards, especially when you're hurting, Emilia; all you should be focused on is getting better. Whatever that might be or lead you. You've lost a lot in a short amount of time, give yourself time to stay broken and embrace it," his hand fell on my thigh to gently rub it.

My left hand fell on top of his and I tucked my fingers underneath his palm "So, do you want a girl or a boy?"

"Girls," he replied with a smile. "I think being the father to a woman is a privilege and I would be honoured. I mean, I'm not opposed to having a boy at all, but if I could have my pick I would choose a girl. The people who have had the most impact in my life have been women."

I cleared my throat "So you had a good relationship with your mum?"

Simon glanced at me, still smiling "As all mothers: she did the best she could with what she had and I'm eternally grateful."

His response was a bit unexpected; I thought he was going to physically remove me from the car and leave me for a couple of hours for crossing boundaries. If someone who I barely know had asked me about my mum, I would've decked them without giving it a thought. That's the impression Simon gives off, but I guess he's not as harsh or closed off as I thought.