Photographic Illusions ;; (camx)

{01} - relapse

      01: Relapse

definition: a deterioration in someone's state of health after a temporary improvement.

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✦ ;   Niklas 'Nix' Baranov

— The heavy sound of raindrops seemed to echo throughout the empty apartment. Nix wasn't stupid enough to get an apartment on the bottom floor. The apartment complex was a dark brown and the shades in the house were a creamy white that went with everything.. Almost everything. The walls in his apartment were a psych ward white. He hated white in general because it was so easy to get dirty and see things on it. Darker colors like black he fancied. Nix was a natural born photographer. Spent all his saved money on the highest quality camera and bought an apartment with a big master bedroom window that led to a balcony that'd tempt a suicidal maniac. The window was always clean.. Everything was always clean. Nix was a man of white. The camera was his friend. He used the clean lenses to pick up dirt on other people, collecting it all and putting it in a box or posting it for the world to see. He thought if he focused deeply on digging up awful things on others he wouldn't be perceived as so awful. Nix was the color white for this reason. It was more like coats and coats of white. If you washed the recent one off, you'd find a layer of black and dirt.
— He hadn't touched the camera in a while, or really opened his blinds. He'd been more depressed lately. Nix moved away from that crazy life he was living a long time ago. Lucille Laurier, his adoptive mother was a complete nutcase who was obsessed with him. It was strange. Not to mention the evil anorexic that lived in the attic.. Or used too. He didn't know if he still did. Declan, the youngest, was one of the boys he didn't mind. He was a sweet boy but.. Lots of trouble.

— Constance was a sweet woman, only with good intentions. Nix couldn't help but wonder what shaped her to be so graceful and caring. How could she be so caring? Graceful? Something about her drew him in, but not as a romantic feeling. Something had to have gone wrong in her life- she has to have some sort of regret or deep guilt buried deep down. It's not like it was any of his business but it didn't hurt to wonder. Recently he had been feeling odd, a familiar feeling at one but.. Odd. He couldn't put his finger on it but something felt missing, something in his routine, something about the way he feels.
— He sat up in bed, running his hands through his hair that desperately needed a redye. Why red? He didn't even like red. His large hands got caught in the knots, days worth of just laying in bed and sleeping. Why was he so.. Sad lately? Everything about himself seemed to be spinning and seemingly out of the blue he wasn't himself. He was always quiet and preferred loneliness but this was different. The skin attached to his muscle began to itch and the hairs on the back of his neck tickled him the wrong way. His eyes felt too big for his face and his clothes were too tight but he wasn't wearing any. He was in nothing but his boxers but it wasn't just his crotch that felt tight it was his entire body. It felt like his skin shrunk- it felt like everything was caving in and eventually he'd implode from the pressure. The blankets.

— Nix got up, shoving the blankets off him as he looked in the mirror at the mess of himself. He'd never looked this awful. His hair was knotted, his roots made the red look like dyed tips and his eyebags made it look like his large green eyes sunk into his skull. He picked at a scab on his cheek he didn't remember getting. He peeled the scab back, taking some skin with it as blood slowly trickled down his cheek. He hadn't done anything to give himself a scab, and he didn't own any animals. Maybe his skin was too tight. Maybe as he slept it was slowly tightening or someone was pulling it back. His imagery in his head was always so realistic and violent. Whenever he looked in the mirror he didn't see his normal reflection- but a reflection his mind made up that turned him into a monster of a young girl's dreams.