A Love Like Hail

Chapter 10

PEOPLE SAY THAT if you have one person supporting you, even those in their doom can come back up and rise to life again. I never believed this, until I put down my barriers and let Muchen into my life.

In the turn of an eye, he has already grown so big. I still remember him as a toddler that could barely walk without the help of Mom, but now he was already twelve.

A light that has been gone for a long time in my life finally returned. When I looked at my younger brother, I felt a surge of energy and hope. Slowly, we began to tell each other things about ourselves, and I learned that Muchen is actually in the top of his classes.

His favorite food was actually 糖葫芦 (candied haws), the one that Mom forbids him to have. He says that after school sometimes him and his friends would sneak to get some or during cram school. He said that Mom and Dad put a lot of expectations on him that sometimes he feels very tired, which similarly reminded me of our older sister. It concerned me, and I was worried that he would go through the same thing as her.

I do not know what drove me, or perhaps after what Lin Xiawei said to me, made me a bit braver than before. Somehow in front of Muchen, the topic of our sister was not as heavy as it used to be.

So I sat him down in my room, the curtains drawn open with the windows open. Sunlight jumps into every corner, and a breath of fresh crisp air dispels any smell in the room.

"Don't let Mom and Dad know that I told you this, but we used to have a sister."

His eyes turned wide, but he didn't say anything. He waits for me to finish.

I watched him softly, and his eyes somehow reminded me a little of our sister. Both round and curious looks that were always curious.

"Her name was 宋欣乐 (Song Xinle), and she was the most perfect person you could ever meet." It was an old picture, one that I hid away in my drawer when our parents took away her things. I gently slide it to Muchen, who holds it and watches the smiling girl in braids. "Like you, Mom and Dad had very high hopes for her. She wanted to make them happy, so she tried in every way to be the best."

Muchen traces our sister's face, his look was everything filled with wonder.

"But she was not very happy herself. Mom and Dad's expectations only grew higher, to the point she began to feel very tired. One day, she met a friend she liked very much, and that friend made her forget about all the expectations she was bound by."

Muchen looks up from the picture. "What happened to the friend?"

"She moved away a few years ago, and I haven't heard from her since then. But listen carefully, Muchen, I know that our parents only mean the best for you. But sometimes it's okay to not follow all of their wishes."

With some hesitation, he asked timidly: "What happened to our sister? Where is she now?"

"She tried very hard to keep going, but she was so very tired. Now, she has left for a better place, and she wishes for us to live a different life than her. Her biggest wish was for us to be happy."

A bit of time ago, I would have started to cry right now. But currently there was a soft comfort and completeness in my chest like never before. It's not a lot, but it is enough. I turn around to look outside. The skies are blue and a few white clouds drift with freedom in the vast sky. Birds chirp in songs, as if asking each other how their day is going. Today is another day, and there will be many more to come because everything has not ended. Each breath of air does not always sting my lungs anymore, and I find the courage to step out of the audience seat for the first time. My movie hasn't ended yet, but it's time for me to go back into my life and live it instead of watching. Sometimes I will still hurt, cry, and want to hide. There won't always be clear skies or birds singing. Some days there will be cloudy skies, and sometimes rain can turn into hails that make everything seem hopeless. But I have to live now, and face whatever that comes face on.