how the word "sayang" could express endearment but also loss.
i think a lot about how sayang changes through time in our life, just like love. how love has became an engine feeling our heart to continue living. but could also be a disaster in our life.
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sayang felt softer than cinta, both meaning love. it hits closer to us as sayang just rolls the right way on our mouth rather than cinta. it made me think on how much love i had experience in my life and the way i realized it seemed like its never ending.
i found love in the sunny weather hugging my fragile flesh, telling me everything will be okay after all the shits i went through.
i found love in the friends i made along the way, how they made me feel like i am not in this battle alone. and its nice having someone to pat my back when i'm falling back into the dark abyss, hands reaching for me before i fall into my doom.
• • •
but sayang, carries loss and resentment too. how my love was lost carried away by people who left me behind for failure. sayang left bruises and scars that wont ever heal as a reminder that not everything will stay the way it is. and i used to blame love itself for hurting me, but love is innocent. it was the people that was wrong.
lost love will be replaced by new one. a piece of me will never come back to me and i will never be the same that's true, but someone will give me theirs sometimes in the future filling the gap of what was lost.
sayang will forever be an expression of affection and vulnerability. it was bound to happen, and it reminds me that life goes on. whether it was anger, sadness, or happiness; sayang reminds me that i am alive, and the stuff i feel made me alive.
whether if its "aku sayang kamu" or "sayang ya..." it doesn't change the fact that love did come and go and i need to chin up and face it.
this is a reminder to give space for dissapointment in loving, and there is no such thing as failure in loving, because there's no such thing as right or wrong in the act of loving. sayang is very personal to each individuals and you can't dictate what's true or false.
just because you don't potray love like those people on dramas you've failed love. there's no such thing as "the greater love" in this world.
