Wet The Bed: (Chris Brown Story)

Deadly

Time is suppose to heal all wounds is what is said by many but what am I suppose to do right now. Right now I can't sleep. It's right now that I can't eat. Right now I still hear his voice and sense his presence even though I know he's not here. Right now all I seem to do is cry. Trust me I've heard a lot about time in this world , but I still don't know what to do with all this hurt right now ...

It's funny because Chris probably thinks I'm doing fine because he thinks he knows me so well but the truth is people think they know you. They think they know how you're handling a situation but really no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them , when you're lying in bed alone and all you want to do is cry or scream.They don't know what's going on inside your head - the- mind - numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. They just don't know all the things ... And so they pretend that your doing great when you're really not. And this makes them feel better inside. Everybody except you ...

It's been about 4 in a half weeks since the break up. I haven't been to work , haven't really spoke to anyone , haven't been on social media . I've been in this depressed lonely house with bottles of liquor sulking myself with chocolates , ice cream and chick flicks . It's not like nobody has stopped by to check on me because they have but I just didn't answer the door nor phone. I don't have the desire to talk to anyone I wouldn't dare face anyone. I'm not here all the way , I'm not the same ... It's gotten to the point where I don't know who I am anymore . I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down every second but then again I am ... I feel like I'm going crazy and if my mind is a ocean , my thoughts are a tsunami. The not sleeping is really getting out of hand , my stress levels for everything is over the top . It has come down to taking medicine just to sleep. I desperately need peace to shut down my thoughts for a couple of hours . I can't concentrate, I could barley think straight . I'm a complete mess . I'm coming apart at the seams and I'm not going to lie it scares me.
Nothing use to scare me I was fearless , I was confident , I did my own thing and didn't let anyone stop me but keyword "use too"

Just when I was about to look at my phone for the last time it started ringing. It was Sean , I stared at it until it stopped ringing then like the 600th notification popped up . I sighed unlocking my phone calling my voicemail but leaving all the texts , emails , tweets Etc left alone . I was getting ready to delete the newest voicemail that was left by Sean until I heard faith voice . I replayed the voicemail because I couldn't hear it very good but the second time I heard everything perfectly .

~VoiceMail~
"Blossom ... You said you weren't going to leave me like my mommy and daddy . You said you were going to be here for me ! But you lied to me ! .."

I hung the phone up throwing it to the side. I want to do something but how !!! How the fuck am I going to be there and help faith when I can't even do that for myself ......

What the fuck has happened to me ?.... Who the fuck am I ? Where the fuck am I ? I'm not Blossom anymore .... Then who the fuck are you !?

TELL ME ! , TELL ME NOW PLEASE I BEG OF YOU .......

Which is more deadly a gun or a thought ? A gun gives you the opportunity but a thought pulls the trigger ...

BOOM ...