mine mine number nine

eight

winona lola:
"i didn't know you were a chef, mr. burrow." i joke as i sit down at my island.
"you know it's the least i could do." he adds to a plate my favorites.
we both sit and get ready to eat. but before we do he gets a call from olivia. silencing it, he looks back over at me. joe is sitting on my left, to my right is my hallway that leads to my front door. the air is coming in through the windows joe opened. this morning was almost perfect.

without the call, it might've made me forget about josh.
josh and his ways.
josh and his lips.
i zone out as i think about that moment, part of me is still there with him.
"LOLA - YOU KISSED JOSH ALLEN!?" joey bursts through my door.

well now joey is there in that moment with me too. joe leaves his mouth open for a split second before looking back down to his plate.
i roll my eyes, exhaling softly.

"wow, one date. and here you are." joey picks at the leftovers.
"oh my god joey! i have sex you know?"
he pretends to vomit making joe laugh.
"did you come all this way to tell me that?" i continue eating.
"uh no, i came to see joe and your pool."

josh texts me back and joe and i both see it, he looks away.
a part of me wishes he would just move on like im trying to do.

"good morning gorgeous. breakfast with you sounds lovely, and .. hopefully we don't get any more uninvited pictures." - josh
i giggle to myself.
"thanks for breakfast, joe." i squeeze his shoulder.

"where are you going?" he swiftly stops me from going to my room.
i push my plate over to joey for him to finish it.
"uhm, my room?"
"can i come?" he asks, avoiding eye contact.

"oh, gross joe are you flirting with her in front of me? that's - mgy lghtlee sgjger" joey says.
except... he took a bite half way through.

"what? joey? what? no, i forgot something in her room." joe laughs.

joey shrugs it off. i walk up stairs with joe.
"so who's the better kisser?" joe jokes.
"mm i don't know." i laugh.
he closes my bedroom door as i get back into bed. he leans over my bed, i touch his face.
"can i lay with you?"
"my brothers downstairs."

"well don't be too loud then? what are you trying to say?"
i hit his chest.
"can i kiss you again?" he asks.
"maybe you should be asking olivia?"

joe stands up straight and looks frustrated.
"can you stop!?" he asks.
"joe seriously, i just," josh is calling, "get out."
he scoffs, "so you're kicking me out for him?"
"joe! fuck." i yell.

i look around my room at the projects i haven't finished. so i let the call go, and i decided that my art is more important right now.
this is my dream and passion and there's two major projects i need to do for my museum.

i'll never forget the day my museum was open, people came flooding in to look at the work i've been doing my whole life. i was so proud of what i have accomplished.

but now i add new paintings at two different times of the year.
april. (then another small batch in july)
december. (then another one in february)

so i decided to work on my art right now in my room. tying up my hair, opening my windows, and allowing myself to let go.
putting on some music, i let go of the boys for a second and find myself back in this sanctuary.

sitting on the floor i paint myself at the bottom of the ocean. that's how i feel. so far away from the top of where i want to be, in the sun so free.

before i know it, its 8pm.