𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓽𝓱𝔂 𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 • 𝓳𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 | ✓ |

11. 𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓻

                                     |11|
        "you said you love me, you're a liar."
             ||GRENADE; BRUNO MARS||
                        ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
TW: UNDERAGED DRINKING, SMOKING
                        ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
for the next while, i sat at the booth, watching people come and go, dance, drink, smoke, and do other things i wish i could unsee.

soda delivered my cigarettes to me eventually. he had sobered up. i lit one and traded the others for alcohol. as much as i didn't need it, i needed it.

i had sobered up a bit with dal, but now i was wasted yet again.

i needed alcohol.

i needed something.

i just couldn't understand.

dallas said he loves me.

he loves me.

he doesn't mean that.

he might love me.

but not the way i love him.

he loves me, but i'm in love with him.

i love him romantically, but he loves me platonically.

or does he even love me platonically?

what if he just blatantly lied?

what if he hates me?

what if...

i snap out of my negative train of thought as a couple bumped into my table while making out. just a second later, they fell to the floor, but they never broke apart.

they never broke apart.

what if that was me and dallas.

what if he wanted to do that with me.

what if...

i caught myself this time before i could think anymore. the amount of alcohol i had taken in was way, way more than i should've. it was messing me up mentally and physically.

i scanned the room with shaky vision for dallas, but at no use. i then began to stand up out of the booth. i had trouble holding myself up, but i held a death grip onto the table.

i moved from table to table, clenching it with all my might so i wouldn't fall. i soon stumbled to the bar in which the bartender came to me.

"can i get ya anything?" he asked. it was buck now, dallas' good friend. dally "rents" out a room upstairs, but buck basically just lets him sleep here for free.

"anything." i mumbled, dragging out the word as i spoke it.

buck blew out air and chuckled. possibly because of how drunk i was. he turned around and grabbed a half empty bottle, and poured a very little amount into the cup. i watched as he then brought the cup over to the sink to fill the rest with water.

"hey, no." i spoke up. he turned around and gave me a funny look.

"this is all i've got left, and it's real str-"

"hand me it." i interrupted, holding out an unsteady hand. buck shrugged and placed the cup in my hand. i drank the small amount of liquid in an instant as buck walked away.

holy shit.

i felt like i had been hit with a truck after that.

i gagged.

i spit out some after-taste into the cup.

that was disgusting.

yet, satisfying.

i made my way back to the booth, running into a mass amount of people along the way who responded with the dirtiest remarks i've ever heard.

i shrugged it off and fell flat onto the seat cushion. within moments, even over the yelling and loud music, i passed out.
                        ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
eventually, i woke up to the same scene i fell asleep to. blasting music, people yelling, etc. i may've slept for about ten minutes, if that.

i sat up in the seat. i immediately felt the pounding of my heart in my head as if it was going to explode.

it had to have been the alcohol.

that's what i get.

i pushed my hair back and shook myself just to wake myself up and instinct grabbed the empty bottle on the table to see if there was anything in it before actually scanning the room.

as i looked up, i saw dallas.

he was talking to this girl.

a girl i've never seen before.

a girl who was very pretty.

a girl who was like the one's he's dated before.

a girl who was all up in his personal space.

all of a sudden, my worst nightmare played out directly in front of me.

i watched as she pushed him against the wall and connected her lips with his.

and he didn't break away.

he didn't fight it.

he let it happen.

he wanted it.

i felt the hot salty tears roll down my cheeks as i sat and stared.

and stared.

and stared.

i watched them from start to finish.

i watched dallas run his hands along her body during their make-out session, and her cup his face in her hands.

i watched them break the kiss and i watched her giggle and him smile whilst looking down on her.

somehow, the ear piercing noises of the outside could not amass to the volume of the thumps of my beating heart.

i noticed my hands were shaky.

i was sweating.

i was silently sobbing.

i was fighting the war of keeping myself from completely breaking down.

but that was no use any longer, when i saw him look at me and notice i was watching.

i watched his smile faded.

i watched his expression shift drastically.

i couldn't take it.

i couldn't do it.

i looked at him for a moment longer before darting out of the building.