Fyodor Dostoyevsky had been around for a very, very long time, and yet had never met anyone quite like Nikolai. They'd only known each other for a few years, but already, the human occupied an almost alarming amount of space in Fyodor's mind. Nikolai had come to live with Fyodor a few months ago, and Fyodor was always concerning himself with where Nikolai was, what he was doing, and how long it would be until he saw the human again. Fyodor was a vampire, the true kind, not the hollow shell of the word that was Bram. It was generally considered bad form to fall in love with someone that others of his kind might consider to be on the menu. And yet, Fyodor's heart still thumped as hard as it did when he was around...that man. The one who had betrayed him. Fyodor had gotten over that anger by getting even, and had closed off his heart for a while. But now, the floodgates were unexpectedly open.
A small smile crossed Fyodor's face when Nikolai teleported into the living room, his usual slightly unhinged grin on his face. "Fedya!" Nikolai exclaimed, and burrowed into Fyodor for a hug. That human was a dangerous quality indeed. The more Fyodor liked him, the more he found himself wanting to take a bite. Fyodor hadn't had human blood for a very long time, which was why he was so anemic and pale. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Fyodor remembered the human friends he had so long ago.
His sister, on the other hand, had no reservations. It wasn't that Teruko had no conscience when it came to humans. She had a particular group of them that she'd adopted as her own. But she always drank to her heart's content, and as a result, looked a lot healthier than Fyodor did. Teruko was a strange case. Pure vampires, the immortal kind, couldn't be made by just anybody. Fyodor knew he hadn't made Teruko, and yet one day, the young girl had just turned up on his doorstep. Yes, Fyodor cared for his sister greatly. She was the first sign in five thousand years that he wasn't alone in this world. But while Teruko sustained herself by only drinking the blood of humans she deemed bad, Fyodor had stopped drinking human blood entirely long ago. The warm, laughing human in his arms was proof he'd made the right decision.
"Where were you today?" Fyodor asked, as he ran his hands through Nikolai's long white hair. "You were gone for a while." It was a funny turn of phrase. To Fyodor, 'a while' was a few hundred years. But in the lifespan of Nikolai, this tiny, fragile human, 'a while' was a few hours. "The marketplace." Nikolai said. "I wanted to talk to some friends." Fyodor sighed. Nikolai had a lot of human friends. Not people he was close to, just people he said the odd 'hello' to. If Nikolai agreed to what Fyodor wanted, they'd all go away.
"The work you do for the decay of the angels is very dangerous." Fyodor said. If Fukuchi didn't mean so much to Teruko, Fyodor would have killed him and the rest of his team long ago. Anybody who could put someone as adorable as Nikolai in harm's way deserved a slow and painful death. "Yes, but it's good." Nikolai said. "I'm going to help a lot of people." Nikolai sat on Fyodor's lap, practically draped over him. Fyodor tried not to focus on how warm Nikolai was, or how much blood was pumping through his veins. Or how exposed that neck of his was.
"You know what I am." Fyodor said. "Or at least, you kind of do." Nikolai looked a bit confused, unsure of why Fyodor was bringing this up now. "You're a demon." Nikolai said. Fyodor laughed softly. "Something like that." He said. "But do you know I can turn other people? Make them like me?" Nikolai's mismatched eyes glazed over. "Your ability would get stronger. You'd be almost impossible to injure. And you would never die."
Nikolai blinked, and the look in his eyes said he understood what Fyodor was saying. "No." Nikolai said. "Fyodor, no." Now it was Fyodor's turn to feel confused. "What are you saying? I would make you an immortal, Nikolai. We would never be parted." Nikolai shook his head. "I want to be human." Nikolai said. "I'm lightning in a bottle to you, Fyodor, nothing more and nothing less." He continued. "You won't love me if I'm forever."
Fyodor didn't know what to say. His Nikolai was a clever one indeed to have noticed the intoxication Fyodor felt about loving a human. But Nikolai was still Nikolai, whatever he would be. Fyodor would always love him. "Please, Nikolai." Fyodor said, and rested his head against Nikolai neck, desperately trying not to think about how warm he was. Or how cold he'd be when Fyodor turned him. "I love you." Fyodor wasn't sure he'd ever said those words aloud before. "I love you too." Nikolai said. "But I'm not like you. I'm not supposed to be."
"I don't want to lose you." Fyodor said. "I'm tired of the people I care about growing old and dying. There's never been anyone I cared about as much as you." Fyodor knew it then and there: if that didn't convince Nikolai, nothing would. "Please don't ask this of me." Nikolai said. "Just love me for what I am now. Isn't that enough?" It wasn't. It never would be. "No." Fyodor said. "I can't put myself through loving someone as special as you only to lose them."
Fyodor ran his finger up the side of Nikolai's neck. "It would be so easy, Nikolai." Fyodor said. "It wouldn't hurt for long. Just a small prick, and it would all be over." Nikolai nodded. "You're right. It would all be over. I'm not ready for that." Fyodor shook his head, cruising his poor choice of words. "Nikolai. You're pushing yourself to the brink, day after day, and I watch you falling apart." Fyodor said gently. "What is there left for you in this world?"
Nikolai pulled away, so Fyodor could look him in the eyes. In his eyes, there was a sadness Fyodor had never seen before. Fyodor's heart dropped when he realized he was the cause of that look on his lover's face. "I'm sorry, Nikolai." Fyodor said. "I didn't mean to make you upset." Nikolai didn't say anything for a few seconds. "I know." Nikolai said softly. "I love you, Fyodor." Nikolai said. "But I don't want to be like you. I hope you can understand that." Fyodor couldn't. What could Nikolai possibly want in his massively screwed up human life, that could be better than an eternity with Fyodor?
"I'm sorry, Fyodor." Nikolai said, sounding way more serious than the mad jester ever did. "But you can either love me as a human, or not at all." Fyodor slowly nodded. He couldn't accept that. Even the thought of Nikolai caused him unbearable pain. Fyodor was going to make Nikolai be like him, he'd make sure of that. "Fine." Fyodor said, pretending to agree. "Let's play a game."
Nikolai smiled happily, like all the cares in his world had evaporated. "I love games!" Nikolai exclaimed, and clapped his hands together. "How does this one work?" Fyodor grinned. He knew he had Nikolai exactly where he wanted him. "To me, your desire to live as a human is a betrayal of me. But I'm okay with that, because I love you." Fyodor said. He knew this was a bit manipulative, more than a bit, actually, but he couldn't just let Nikolai die. In Fyodor's mind, it was better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission. "If you ever betray me again, then I get to turn you."
Fyodor brushed his fingers over Nikolai's lips as he said it, preventing Nikolai from talking until Fyodor had finished speaking. "That sounds like a fairly easy game, right?" Nikolai crossed his arms. "Both outcomes seem to benefit you. Are you trying to trick me, Fyodor?" Nikolai asked. "Would I do such a thing?" Fyodor asked with a grin. "Yes." Nikolai said, and leaned in to kiss Fyodor on the lips. "But I agree to the terms of your game."
Fyodor smiled as Nikolai kissed him again and again, and let his mind wander elsewhere as they started to make out. While Fyodor probably should have been focusing on the warm and loving human wrapped around him, he was already thinking about how to get Nikolai to betray him. Once that happened, Fyodor could turn Nikolai, and he could have him forever. Nikolai wouldn't even complain about it, because he would think he had lost fair and square. Oh, how Fyodor loved his human. But Fyodor had spent the past few years loving Nikolai. Now, it was time to figure out how to keep him.
