You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 33

Chris pov...

She kissed me... She had kissed me... I still can't believe it... It was a quick short kiss at first... She blushed and i could not resist... I had kissed her back... It was heaven... The sparks flew and it was everything around us disappeared... It was passionate and amazing... She tasted so sweet, just like i remembered... Even better... It took everything in me to not tare her close off as i got lost in the moment and she seemed to get lost in the moment to... My hands had wondered and i had to stop myself as i did not want to overstep... She is still healing and i did not want to hurt her... 

So, i had carried her to the couch where i had cuddled with her holding her tight... God we had kissed... I was in heaven... We kissed and it was amazing... I wanted to kiss her again... But i was scared... Scared of taking it too far or too fast and scaring her... My mind was racing as i desperately wanted to ask what this all meant... But part of me was scared for the answer... 

I love her... I love her so much and even though all i wanted to do was kiss her and hold her i was scared that this kiss meant more to me than to her... I love her... The kiss only confirmed it more... It scares me because i know i am in deep... After kissing her i became even more clear that when she would eventually leave, she would rip my heart out of my chest... I dont know if i am going to survive that... I know i should have talked to her... 

I should have put on my big boy pants and asked her but i just couldn't... I just wanted to safe this little moment and enjoy it for as long as i could... Even if it would hurt more in the end... Maybe it was the playful banter we had just before the kiss... The cat and mouse game... What if we just caught up in the moment and she regretted it... I wanted to ask but i could not come up with the words... God i am pathetic...

We had watched movies and ate pizza... Until she eventually had turned in for the night... I had watched her walk away and had cursed myself for not manning up and kissing her goodnight or at least talked to her about the kiss... I just simply did not want to scare her away... She kissed me and i kissed her back... Maybe i should let her take the lead in it all... Only kiss her if she gave me a sign that she wanted me to kiss her again... It was hard though... All i wanted to do was kiss her... Kiss her until my lungs burned and my lips were raw... And even then, i would not want to stop...

I cursed myself a few more times before i finally went to bed... Maybe tomorrow was better to talk about it... A new day... I closed up the house and debated in my head, if i should knock on her door... Her door was open a little bit and i halted for a moment but eventually decided to go to bed, chickening out... Dodger had come up to me and looked at me funny... I swear that dog was more human than dog... He had walked with me to my bedroom and laid with me for a while... 

I could not sleep... My mind is racing... I dont know why but i feel restless... After a while i feel Dodger get up... I watch him walk out the room and do what i couldn't... Go lay in bed with Kate... This is what he has been doing the last few nights... Switching rooms between me and Kate... I stare at the ceiling and sigh... But all of a sudden i sit up... I listen closely... 

I can hear Kate... My heart drops... Is she crying? Fuck she is crying... I hesitate for a second... I have never just walked into her room at night... Only the first night to check in on her... And even then, i did not step in, only checked on her from the doorway... But something told me to go so i got out of bed and i walked to the guestroom... I listen at the door for a second and she was really crying... I push the door open, and Kate is sitting on her knees hugging Dodger softly sobbing as she mumbles something to him i can't quite understand... 

But then my heart drops as i see her bag... The bag that looked packed... "What is going on?" I ask and she freezes... "Kate... Sweetheart...?" I whisper as i feel my heart drop... Kate stands up... Her face is puffy and red... "What is going on?" I whisper again... "Why is your bag packed...?" I ask softly as she is not answering me... "I am sorry..." She whispers and i feel my heart break in a million pieces... "You are leaving?" I ask and she nods... "Yes...." She whispers and it is like she has stabbed me... 

"Kate... Please dont leave..." I whisper and she looks away... "I can't stay... You... I... We... I should have not... I am sorry... I ruined..." She says sobbing not finishing her sentences as she starts to cry harder... "Kate... Sweetheart..." I say stepping closer and i am just in time as her legs give out... 

"I am sorry... I am so sorry... I should have not... I should have not kissed you... I am so sorry... I am so stupid..." She says almost in hysterics... "Kate... Kate..." I say trying to get her to focus on me as i am starting to see what the issue is... I sink down while pulling her in my lap... I take her chin between her fingers and make her look at me... I can see nothing but fear, hurt and sadness in her eyes... So, i just react instinctively and kiss her... I kiss her with everything i got... "Please dont... You are only doing this because..." She starts to say but i kiss her again shutting her up...