Thinking I Could Live Without You Short Story (BxB/ Gay Love Story)

Thinking I could live without you..

Sometimes, we want to stop doing somethings but we can't control ourselves. Even though, we know we'll get nothing but we still insist doing it. Whether we stop or not, in the end we'll get hurt anyway. So let it be.

                 
             He is bright, popular, friendly and insanely handsome. He has so many friends. Everyone of university knows him, adores him and idolize him. He is not only good at studies but also in sports. He can play numerous musical instruments too.. Well. He is a star that i can never reach.. I'm someone totally opposite to him. I'm a nerd who is just a random student in university. No one knows me and no one adores me. But i don't care. Because I'm happy. I'm happy....
Because of him..

                                    From the day i saw him first time at university cafe until today, three years, he's been being my light. He doesn't know and he'll not know that this random stranger has a special place in his heart for him. I never approached him or made a move, just seeing him from afar is enough. Just seeing his smile, hearing his voice, seeing his appearance is enough.. It's more than enough..
     
                                          If he knows that I've been following him all these years, he'll disgust me. I'm not a stalker but i know every thing about him. Everything about his time schedule.. I rather staying as a stranger but i can't stand on being disgusted by him..

"What do you want sir? "
....
"Sir, what do you want?"
....
"Sir,sir,sir!!"
"Oh..ah..well.."
"what do you want to drink sir?
"Oh.. I.. Um... A coffee, please"
                          
                           I was zoning out. It's not strange. This cafe is entangled with him. I found Miranda cafe because of him. He should come this time but he's late today. It's 2 pm. He always come to this cafe at this time. I think he prefers cofee here more than university cafe's . Now, i prefer it too.

"Here, your cofee sir.."
"Thank you"

                            I took a sip. It's same. Same as everyday.. If someone asks me which taste love has, I'll say it tastes like coffee of Miranda. It reminds of him to me. The cofee, the air and even chairs here..
Creeeek..

                            Someone entered. It didn't take too long to me to recognise the familier figure. He's handsome as always. More than handsome, he looks gentle today.. And he is brighter like the sun coming down from the sky. Wait.. Who's coming behind him..

"Let's sit here"
"Can't we go other side? We can see the river"
"Oh.. Yes. Let's go"
                              
                       
    He's not alone today. There's a stranger who is holding hands with him. A stranger who is so pretty. A stranger who is like a princes. A stranger who really matches to him.. A stranger who makes me wake up from my sweet dream.. For a moment, my world stopped.

Thump.. Thump.. Thump..

                                 I only hear my heartbeat. It's like it is about to coming out from my mouth. My vision is blurry. I don't know why i got teared up. I don't dare to wait here anymore. I'm not needed here.. I payed my bill and rushed out. I don't remember how i came to home.. When i become clear minded, i am at home.

                                   I knew that day would come. What amazes me is not it happens today, but why it doesn't happen all these three years. Because he's a star, who'll not love him. Even a nerd like me do. He was so brighter today because he was on a date. I'm happy for him. But I'm sorry for me. I always thought just seeing his appearance is enough but now i understand, deep inside, i expect something more too.. even though it's impossible. It hurts so much. I feel like my life has no meaning anymore. I'll lose my light, my sun and the reason that makes me happy.

                                      I wanted to skip lectures.. But i end up coming anyway. I prayed not to meet him today.. Because i don't know what my reaction will be. I was able to hide myself well in these three years, I'm afraid i won't able to do it anymore.

"Eiran,"
......
"Eiran!"
......
"Eiran!! I'm talking to you. What the hell are you doing?"
"Aaah.. Umm.. S.. Ssorry.. Sir"
"Explain the formula now I've taught."
......
"You heard me, right?"
......
"I knew it. This is last semester.. After few months, all of you will be graduated. So that's how you are going to face the final exam.. Well.. Great honour to me.. "

                        I don't know what professor said anymore. After few minutes, the lecture was ended and rushed out before professor sees me. Not only josh's girlfriend, this time professor also dragged me in to reality. Why love is so blind.. I didn't see anything when I'm in love with him. My university life, normal life.. Everything revolved around him. Until reality hit me, i didn't understand i was seeing a sweet dream even though i was awake. Love make us feel everything is perfect . We'll find the beautiful side of everything.

                            I came to Miranda. But not to see him this time.. I just wanted to drink a cofee. A familiar waiter brought a coffee without even asking.. I took a sip.

 
Cough.. Cough.. Cough..

                               I almost chocked. Is it what i drank everyday.. No way.. Why is this so bitter?.. For the third time of week, reality again hit me. So this felt sweet just because of him. This is driving me crazy.. Everything.. Everything reminds me that it is not same as it was.

                                 For the first time after three years, i didn't go bus stop at the time he comes, i didn't go to library at the time he comes, i didn't go to Miranda at the time he comes.. A week feels like one year.. I can't bear not seeing him.. The ashes of cigarettes are everywhere in my room.. I didn't slept at least three hours per day.. Instead i was smoking all the night at the balcony looking at moon. The moon who rised when the day i first saw him, the moon who rised the time followed him.. The moon who rised when now I'm avoiding him.. Why didn't i notice you before. We could have shared happiness and burden together. Couldn't we?..

                               A month passed from blink of eye, i survived somehow. I didn't feel like living anymore. I went to university , came home, slept.. Again went to university, faced exams .. Like this, this cycle happened in the whole month.. I've seen him few times. But because of studies he may be busy too. I could avoid him well because i knew his schedule well. Finally, it is graduation day today. 

                  The ceremony went really well. Everyone is happy. The Air fills with loud cheers, laughters and photo shatter shounds.. Only i don't feel anything. This is just an another day of my life. I didn't stay long to take photos. After leaving university, i came to Miranda. I still drink cofee, even though it isn't sweet anymore. I sat the place he sat last time.. I can see the river from here.. How many times i came here during these three years.. May be thousand times.. Why i didn't talk to him at least once.. At least i should have asked time or something.. From today on, I'll not see him. I'll not know his schedule. He'll not come here.. He'll date her and they'll marry. They'll have a family.. I'm happy for him because I'm grateful to him for making these three years beautiful and happy. He was the reason to me to keep going.

                         I couldn't sleep all night. I was rolling from here to there on bed. I didn't go to see him for about a month. But why today feels so uneasy.. Even though i got up and smoked, it didn't calm me at all.

                             Early in the morning, i dressed up quickly, took my breakfast and rushed to bus stop which he normally comes. i don't know when he'll come.. But i can wait..     

 
                       
End..

What will happen to Eiran and Josh? Make your own ending. Write for me.

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