Lights Are Missing : beomjun/yeongyu ‼️

19.

The ocean ripples, the tiny waves, bounced the reflection of the moon. I took the long route down to the sand, but it was better than sitting at home crying with my sister leaning over my shoulder to get answers out of me.

Tears poured down my already reddened cheeks, my nose and sore from how much I'd been wiping it. The whole thing was a little picturesque but I knew I was never going to take a picture with tears staining my face. I was too self conscious to do that.

The glossy filter my teary eyes put on the ocean just made the whole thing ten times prettier. All that being said, I couldn't shake the urge to fill my mouth with sand in hopes of suffocating and just dying there in the moonlight.

At least that would be an honorable death, right? It could be seen that way, but it could also be seen as a jerk move. I wasn't going to die there on the beach just because I was going through a rough patch with some friends. Though I'd rather die on the beach than any other place.

From behind, I heard a small meow. I so badly just wanted my pencil. Then the meow again. Meows at the beach were pretty rare. I whipped my head around to see what it was, though I knew it could've really only been one thing.

A tiny black kitten with the biggest green eyes I ever saw. She was the cutest thing I ever saw, no offense to Honey.

As much as I wanted to just jump up and grab her, I couldn't. A cat, a kitten, on the beach was definitely a strange sight. The sound of the waves crashing against the sand still persisted in the back. I was infatuated with the kitten though, admiring her sand covered paws as she got closer and closer.

It started to get painful to not reach out and pet her. Her ears were going up and down and up and down as she got closer, inching bit by bit. My hands rested in my lap. What did it mean?

"You're cute." I smiled to myself. She was, really, probably the cutest little thing I ever saw. Her tail was just as long as her body, lengthed with fur that looked insanely soft. The kitten flinched a bit at my words but she kept getting closer and closer.

Eventually the kitten was rubbing against me. Her eyes got softer and my hands were already engrossed in her silky fur. Maybe it was bad for me to fall in love with a kitten knowing I'd have to say goodbye to her by the night's end.

The ocean kept up its soft breeze, gentle sounds, and salty smell. I laid back on the sand, knowing it would be a pain to wash out of my hair and clothes, picking up the kitten and putting her on my chest. My shoes were going to be full of sand too.

She meowed gently as I held her, petting away her worried expression slowly until she flopped over on my chest. I wanted so badly to take her home.

"I'll name you Pepper." I smiled at her. Maybe it was some kind of sign that not everything in the world was against me. Sure, I might've just lost my 4 best friends, but the universe gave me a kitten to comfort me for the night and that in itself was enough for me to know that there will always be tiny sparks of light out there, even if the rest of the world around you is dark.

Giving her a name might've cursed me. I couldn't let her go now. It would take everything inside of me to say goodbye to that girl.

In that moment, being there in the sand, the moon shining down on Pepper and I, I had never in a million years thought I'd be so empty. Using words to describe it would never do it justice. You never know the pain, the sorrow and anger, and the joy that comes from a moment like that. My whole body was just lifeless. Even petting the kitten felt like second nature.

"Pepper, I don't want to let you go, beach kitten." I giggled a little at my own comment. But then a thought hit me. Maybe I didn't have to let her go. Maybe if she was a kitten I could just bring her home with me. My mom would understand, right?