Butterfly

Butterfly... chapter1

"Hello everybody! I hope you all will do well, although i am aware my people must be mourning but please promise me that this will be the first and last day, okay? I don't know where it started, but slowly it was eating me up. Brought up in a middle class family, we always struggled.

Mom never bought the dress she liked at the store so that i can wear new clothes. Dad never said no no matter what whenever I asked him for money even when there were financial issues.

I didn't want to bother them so I geared myself and tried studying harder and harder so that this misery would end and they could finally live a peaceful life, but what did I do? I failed my entrance test, couldn't get a score to get into college. I am such a failure.

Even though mom and dad told me that it's okay and I can try again, it just felt like my world, my forest was just dark and barren. The flowers were wilted, the trees had dried up, and the butterflies had broken wings, struggling to fly. It was such a horrible imagination..hahaha.. I wanted to talk about it.

Damn it. I wanted to scream, i wanted to yell, i wanted to shout, but all i could do was whisper 'I'm fine.' i was sad, but not hopeless. I was tired, but not powerless.

I was angry but not bitter.Months later I found that I was diagnosed with depression, it shook my world. How could I end up with something like that? What will i tell mom and dad? No way i can tell them, i couldn't ever.It was okay for me to be hurt but hurting them would be the least thing I'd do.

It felt like i was faking myself, smiling despite of feeling no joy, laughing despite of feeling nothing funny, it was so unreal. Despite of all this, i had loving people around me, mom, dad and Jungkook. Jungkook?My bestest friend. He did figure out about my mental health and how i was not my usual self. He reached out to me, he loved me, I didn't deserve him ever.

I had feelings for him but for him to be near a loner like me would end up ruining him. I wanted to be happy, i wanted to feel joy, but no matter what i do, nothing ever joys me. My sadness was just like a wall between two gardens, and the wall was me, one side happiness and one side my loved ones.

I am so demanding and difficult for my family because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time.I will never be that me again, that me who everyone loved, who made everybody laugh and smile.

I just wanted a day where I wasn't falling apart but it didn't come. I didn't want to see anyone so I just stayed in my room, lying on the bed, curtains drawn and my eyes flushing tears unless they were numb and swollen. Why did i cry? It was nothingness that took all over me.whatever was happening to me was my own fault.

I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.

i didn't want the people around me to be hurt, I didn't want people to know about my state and make them worried and gloomy. Please, nobody should blame themselves for whatever has happened today, it's because of me, it's totally my reasonability. Mom, dad, kook, I love you. I am sorry but its too tough now, too hard for me to hold on. I don't want to live like this.

I want to be the only one who's hurting, so no i am not giving you my silent cry. Depression, for me, has been a couple of different things - but the first time I felt it, I felt helpless, hopeless, and things I had never felt before. I lost myself and my will to live. I'm sorry." he read although it was tough, he read it all and fell down drowning in the tears of agony.

He read through the letter as he fell down, drowning in the tears of agony. "This is so unreal." He said as my friends, Taehyung and Jimin approached him who were already crying. "She was strong, she could never do this." He said as he tried not to break down and saw your smiling photograph, framed with incense sticks at the front and people mourning over you.

His eyes then followed your parents who were too shaken to say anything, they just sat there, staring at your picture, emotionlessly, probably while people just came near you, prayed and left to eat while patting your parents back. "Why did you do this?" He thought as he saw a shadow, similar to yours passing by the front gate.

"Y/n?" He mumbled as he ran towards the gate and tried finding you. He stopped by the young cherry blossom tree in your yard as he smiled sadly at it. "You wanted to see the cherry blossoms, didn't you?" He said.

Author note;- Hey I'm aware this part is quite short, don't worry, I'll make the next parts longer than this, stay tuned to this Jungkook ff, Erased which is exclusively posted only on Wattpad.
Also I'm not very much known to the norms of here so let it slide, hahaha